(Closed) Engaged and betrayed — Don't know if I should stay or leave, Advice please

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Fiance is "sexting" girls online, but says it has never gotten physical. Stay or Leave?

    You should work on your relationship together, you are engaged for a reason

    You should leave him, he will likely continue to talk to other girls

    If he hasn't done anything physical with other girls, it's not cheating

  • Post # 46
    Member
    10306 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    Been there, done that. It never stops at just taking. Leave now and save yourself a divorce later.

    Post # 47
    Member
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Leave him what are you waiting for?

    Post # 48
    Member
    4807 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    jaydee824 :  Loyalty and commitment are not just physical, they are emotional as well.  

    You should be his first and only partner, in his heart and in his mind.  

     

    Post # 49
    Member
    4250 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2009

    If you both want to try to salvage this, and he can see why this is wrong, I would get some help with a therapist.  If he is convinced this okay because he never touched them, I would leave. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    2550 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Once you discover that someone is a habitual liar, as this guy clearly is, how do you believe anything he says?

    Not to mention dude left it open on his computer, so he’s either trying to get caught or he’s just painfully, criminally, almost unbelievably stupid.  Sooooo stupid.

    Post # 51
    Member
    269 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    “The only second chance I know of is the chance to make the same mistake twice.”

    Post # 52
    Member
    4496 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Leave leave leave leave leave leave leave. Leave. This will only get worse. You’ve been given a get-out-of-jail-free card — take it and run!

    Post # 53
    Member
    5014 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Oh Bee, please don’t be fooled.  Your FI’s behavior is unacceptable.  Why would you want to enter a marriage with a man who is dishonest and not loyal?

    Post # 54
    Member
    4259 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

    View original reply
    jaydee824 :  So sorry this happened to you, but better to find out before the wedding than after! My trust would be completely broken, and I would not be able to marry him. I have no respect for cheaters, and even though he claims that nothing physical happened, you just never know. I don’t think it matters because he shouldn’t be talking to other women so inappropriately for fun or satisfaction… You don’t do that when you’re committed to someone. 

    Post # 55
    Member
    1251 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    jaydee824 :  It’s still cheating. Emotionally.

    I’m more worried that you’re thinking of staying; what he is doing is wrong.

    Super wrong.

    Post # 56
    Member
    58 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    It isn’t complicated at all. You leave him. Complicated would be divorcing and haggling over property and children. Thankfully you are not in that position. YET.

    Post # 57
    Member
    7352 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    What happens when he’s no longer getting enough of an adrelanine rush from just sexting? Now that you know about it, if you decide to stay with him, what if he’s feeling like you’ve accepted that and he needs the next level of adrelanine rush?

    There are a lot of hard times that you will face as a married couple – having to worry about your husband controlling his dick just makes for unnecessary added stress and difficulties. 

    Post # 59
    Member
    1174 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    View original reply
    jaydee824 :  Hi, me again with a sister that found herself in the same situation as you are now over 10 years ago.  10 years later, her ex is still the same.  At first he was apologetic, but then he started blaming her, saying she drove him to seek out these women.  If you really want to stay and make it work, you should take up on your FI’s offer for him to go to counseling, and if he does not follow through, you know that he doesn’t want to change.  These manipulators say what they know we want to hear, but it’s all smoke and mirrors.  I personally wouldn’t stay, but I’m not you.

    Post # 60
    Member
    379 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2017

    View original reply
    sassy411 :  THIS. I hope you listen to this piece of advice OP…

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