(Closed) Engaged and betrayed — Don't know if I should stay or leave, Advice please

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Fiance is "sexting" girls online, but says it has never gotten physical. Stay or Leave?

    You should work on your relationship together, you are engaged for a reason

    You should leave him, he will likely continue to talk to other girls

    If he hasn't done anything physical with other girls, it's not cheating

  • Post # 61
    Member
    379 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2017

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    jaydee824 :  YOU can’t change him nor can you change the possibility that HE WANTS or DOES NOT WANT to change.

    Post # 63
    Member
    605 posts
    Busy bee

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    jaydee824 :  That is cheating. It alarms me at how quickly he suggested counselling. Like he has been here before, meaning it won’t be the last time. Do you know how his other relationships ended in his past?

    I think people can get past cheating, 100%. However, him suggesting counselling immediately leads me to believe this is a pattern and you need to leave.

    Post # 65
    Member
    44 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    In my eyes, this situation is still cheating. That being said, I don’t necessarily agree with all of the people yelling to leave. I caught my current boyfriend asking his ex “hook up” for nudes. However this was before we were officaily dating, and that was the reason I gave him another chance – and it’s been the best four years of my life since then. That being said, we weren’t offically dating and still to this day I catch myself lacking trust sometimes even though I know he would never cheat. 

    Ultimately, it’s up to you whether you stay or go. However you have to be prepared for the trust issues you’ll now have. If he suggested counselling, that might be a good start.

    Post # 66
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee

    Marriage is easy to get into but a b*tch to get out of.  Leave now, before it’s too late.  What he’s doing is a sign of bad character and disrespectful to you.

    Post # 67
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee

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    jaydee824 :  I know how you feel, like this can’t be real and who have I been with all these years??  Do yourself a favor and go your separate ways.  Start the healing process sooner than later, and look forward to the rest of your life with someone worth your love and emotions – believe me, you’ll find someone a thousand times better out there in this big world of ours. 😊

    Post # 69
    Member
    1225 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Anthony Weiner, serial sexter and former governent offical.  He has been caught sexting numerous times. I felt sorry for his wife since she stood by him the first time.  Do not believe that they are together now. This could be your future. I understand wanting to help and stand by someone you love but this is his addiction and problem.  He needs to go to counseling on his own and you both need to postpone any future plans until you can decide what is best for yourself.

    Post # 70
    Member
    5014 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

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    jaydee824 :  What he did was wrong.  But being anti couples counseling REALLY shows his true colors.  He should be doing everything possible to right his wrong and resolve whatever is inside him that causes him to cheat.  If he really cared for you and your relationship he would make the effort.  Actions speak louder than words.

    Post # 72
    Member
    924 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

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    jaydee824 :  How long have you both been together? and you said your his first serious long relationship? you said he moved out to be with you? was this a long distance relationship to begin with? I’m trying to understand better what is going through his head … 

    Post # 74
    Member
    2107 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    You can make excuses for him until you’re blue in the face, but it doesn’t change who he is.  He did not cheat on you (IMO, it is 100% cheating) because he has ADHD or a career plan. He cheated on you because he does not respect you or your relationship. Saying he’ll go to counseling means nothing. Honestly, going means nothing too. The fact of the matter is, he’s already cheated on you numerous times and if you marry him, he will do it again. It might be a week after you get married or it might be 5 years, but he’s already shown you that he doesn’t respect you. He sought out numerous other women before you guys were even married! Imagine what he’ll be doing when you’ve been married 10 years and you aren’t having as much sex due to stress/kids/crazy schedules/whatever…  

    Post # 75
    Member
    924 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

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    jaydee824 :  I’m sorry but i have been in your shoes before and stayed with someone in almost the same situation and things got worse . He cried and told me i was the only one he wanted and it was all nothing but a lie .. I really think you sound like a wonderful girl with her head on her shoulders and you should never deal with this from someone your engaged to… Please listen to us and take a step back and show him how dissapointed you are… You know what i use to do? I caught my ex doing the same thing i kept reading the conversations over and over again until i lost my shit and kicked him to the curb.. I honestly think you deserve better and your afraid of change… I am sure you will have a support group and therapy should help as well… Be the smart one LEAVE!! 

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