(Closed) Engaged and betrayed — Don't know if I should stay or leave, Advice please

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Fiance is "sexting" girls online, but says it has never gotten physical. Stay or Leave?

    You should work on your relationship together, you are engaged for a reason

    You should leave him, he will likely continue to talk to other girls

    If he hasn't done anything physical with other girls, it's not cheating

  • Post # 76
    Member
    2371 posts
    Buzzing bee

    My SO has ADHD, some insecurity issues, etc, is not a cheater. I can already see your denial stage is menifesting with trying to make excuses for his behavior.

    You really should have him staying on someone’s couch or getting a hotel room for at least a week so that you can have space to really see him for the person his ACTIONS have shown him to be, space to gain clarity and really decide what is best for YOUR future, not what’s best for HIM or for the relationship.

    He has already thrown the relationship under the bus, you have no obligation to consider it. You need to consider yourSELF, and ONLY yourself right now. 

    Post # 77
    Member
    227 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    leave. i know how heartbreaking and difficult it will be. but you need to leave. from an outsider looking in, this does not sound good. please leave 🙁 it may be difficult now but think how difficult it will be AFTER you’re married and this happens…..

    Post # 78
    Member
    520 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Firstly, as someone who was abandonned and divorced soon afte rmarriage I can’t even express the amount of pain involved in divorce. It’s so much worse than a break up.

    Secondly go to http://www.survivinginfidelity.com

    Read a bit about what these people go through and since you have been cheated on I’m sure you can post there and get an account for support. He will only get worse but the website will show you ppls experiences and pain levels. Leave now before it’s too late.

    Post # 80
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    jaydee824 :  I am so sorry it came to this but I am so happy you left.

    I know you will rebuild your life and find a man who will truly love you, you will be his one and only and will think the sun shines out your ass. 

    I also hope you can eventually move back home to your home town. Good luck bee, will keep an eye out for your updates.

    You will be fine ❤

    Post # 81
    Member
    919 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I’m sorry you’re hurting. I can’t imagine how tough it must be to go through this, but down the road, you’ll be so grateful you did. You saved yourself years of being with a jerk who was going to cheat on you. Now you’re free to find a guy who will be so dedicated to you that he won’t even notice other women. 

    Post # 82
    Member
    1604 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    View original reply
    jaydee824 :  I’m so sorry! But you made the right decision – you will find someone who will love you and treat you how you deserve to be treated. And who will be faithful to you!

    Post # 83
    Member
    421 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I didn’t read any other responses, but I dated someone, off and on, for 2-3 years who did this.  Each time I caught him he would beg, plead, cry, swear to God he would never do it again…  Well I would forgive him, we’d get back together, and a few months down the road I would catch him again.  He was pretty stupid because he kept getting caught, and I was pretty stupid because I kept taking him back.  It made me paranoid and feel like I can’t trust any man.  As hard as it is, if I could do it again, I would leave after the first time and not look back.

    Post # 85
    Member
    421 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    It has been a slow process and I don’t trust blindly anymore.  My Fiance is a good man, and he’s never given me reason to doubt him, but even so those thoughts do creep up once in a while.  It’s gotten better though.  I think that is something that will improve with time and with the right person. 

    Post # 86
    Member
    315 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    You deserve someone who will be faithful to you for a lifetime. You did the right thing and you are so strong for doing what is right for you even though it hurts. One day you’ll be thanking yourself when you’re marrying a faithful man who would never even think to look at another woman besides you. Hugs!

    Post # 87
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    Oh, sweetie. My ex did the same thing. He is now an ex for a reason!

    Post # 88
    Member
    2371 posts
    Buzzing bee

    It will be VERY hard to trust again… You will have to be honest about this with any guys you start dating seriously up front. Guys DO exist who will accept this about you and give you the transparency you will need to grow and heal. I’m so glad you found the strength to leave him even though it’s so painful. 

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