(Closed) Engaged and feeling anxious

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@elbows747:  After we got engaged, I started doing the same thing – magnifying all the stupid shit he always did.  But now, it came with the weight of FOREVER.  So yeah, it’s scary, and I think it’s normal to really look at those things.  But you have to be reasonable – are those little things dealbreakers in the longrun?  His snoring would drive me up a wall, the way he loaded the dishwasher, or how he doesn’t take the clothes out of the dryer and they get wrinkly and need to be washed again.  Annoying?  Hell yes.  Dealbreakers?  No.

Regarding the bar situation – how often is he there and how long does he stay?  Are you welcome to join him?  Is he getting plastered when he’s there?  This *could* be an issue.

I think you two need to have a honest, heartfelt conversation about transparency in your relationship.  Take responsibility for pushing him to hiding things from you/lying to you.  Make a commitment to be more reasonable going forward.  Ask in return that he repsect you by being honest?  Meanwhile, you have to find some kind of an agreement on the bar situation.  I need more info (please answer above questions!) to determine if you have a reasonable gripe.

Post # 4
188 posts
Blushing bee

@elbows747:  theres some book i heard about on npr last week about the neighborhood bar experience. maybe look inot it and you can be more accepting of the comfort he finds there?

Post # 5
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@elbows747:  I’ve felt just like you, just over a year ago. I was engaged and very very anxious. I can’t recommend this site more: http://conscious-transitions.com/ – there is an e-course you can purchase and it’s incredible. There’s a wonderful forum there too, of supportive women and men in similar situations to you. I’ve worked through the e-course and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Feel free to PM me if you want any more info 🙂 Wishing you all the best x 

Post # 6
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Go to couples’ counseling/premarital counseling. I don’t think your relationship is unsalvageable, but I do think it needs some work.

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