(Closed) Engaged and fighting.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe you can start a new life together in OK.  You can use meetup.com, there are  alot of couples in your situation and you can make new friends.  Maybe since it seems that you are the stronger personality he needs you there and things will start rolling.  Take the lead, meet some other couples on it and go from there. Cut him some slack, he’s not a party animal ; ) He probably misses his fiancee!  See? He loves you a lot.

Weren’t you concerned when you get engaged about the living situation? What about job situations, doesn’t that play a lot in the move?  More than friends?

Post # 4
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yeah I’m curious about the job situation as well in this situation. I don’t think we have quite enough information to go off of here. I will say though that moving for the other person where you have no support system (other than that person) can be very challenging and lead to you feeling resentful towards the other person. Keep this in mind from his POV as well though.

Post # 6
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am from Michigan and live in Texas.  My husband moved from Michigan to Texas though voluntarily–he was laid off from Chrysler & it was the right thing to do.  However, he HATES it here, and there are a lot of comments he makes about being here (it’s temporary) and sometimes it can drive a small wedge in between us.  The thing is, one of us had to do something if we wanted to be together and stop the long distance so there is a bigger picture.  BUT the little things can add up.  What I hear the problem is in your relationship is more of personality differences, not exactly anything else.  I would recommend living in the same area for awhile before getting married to evaluate what it’s like as far as your personality concerns.  However, if either of you is not willing to give up anything at all for the other or come to a compromise, you may be facing a different situation entirely.

Post # 7
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Maybe he just doesn’t really need a lot of friends?  My husband doesn’t go out for “guy’s night” or anything here.  He gets the social interaction that he wants during the day at work with his coworkers.  Just because he doesn’t have friends in OK, that doesn’t mean you can’t go out and make new friends!

But I would try to think about why he doesn’t want to move and vice-versa.  We ended up moving across the country for my husband’s job because it was harder for him to find a job than it would be for me (or so we thought at the time).

Post # 9
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Why won’t he move to TX for you? It seems like he doesn’t have a lot holding him to OK.

I think you might want to think about the socialization factor a bit. I had an ex that was okay never hanging out with friends and it didn’t bother me bc we were LD. But when we would spend weekeends together it started getting to me that we had no friends to hang out with. And I realized that I LOVE being around people and being social. And he really didnt care. Needless to say – it didn’t work out.Obviously, I’m not saying you and your Fiance aren’t going to work out. I’m just saying you might want to live together for a while before you get married to make sure you guys agree on the same lifestyle.

Good luck!!

Post # 10
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ashsooner: Oh wow, it’s amazing how much more of the story is clear now!  Yeah, he’s not really including you.  I think his thoughts were that you were in school and you would just have moved there after you were done.  To him, you seemed more unattached to a career and would be able to start one anywhere.  He should have made more of a compromise in the house or something for you both.  And he probably doesn’t want to go out because he works such long hours.  And honestly once someone starts working a lot and extra hours, it’s hard to go out a lot!  But yes, parties and going out occasionally is a good thing.  Can you take a subsitute job/temporary and try it out in OK?  I know it’s a big move.  But you’ll never know if you don’t try.  If it doesn’t work out, then maybe discuss about moving.  I think because nothing is being done about it either way and you’re both just hanging there. When is the last time you saw him?  I think talking it out in person is so much better than phone, ect.

Post # 13
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honestly it sounds like a grossly incompatibility. My ex was like yours a real straight up homebody. I am sooo NOT. In the end it wasn’t enough I wanted him to want to come out, not be dragged out. He wanted me to enjoy staying home, all the time not be forced too. Regardless of distance, I don’t think there’s the right match here…

If it’s clear to you now, I suspect it will only get worse in the future no matter if you live there or he comes to you.

Post # 14
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I am sort of facing the same problem, although we don’t live in different states.  My fiance is a homebody who never, ever hangs out with anyone besides me and I love to go out and hang out with my friends and family.  Both of our families live in the same state as we do, but even when we’re looking to buy a house, he wants to make sure he’s close to his family and he doesn’t want our families or friends to be over our house all the time, he wants it just to be us.  I am beginning to realize that this is not a healthy way to socialize in a relationship and something needs to change.

 

I think you need to talk to your fiance about the real reasons why he won’t move for you and go from there.

Post # 15
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ashsooner: Just following up… what did you two ever decide? (if anything)  I hope you were able to come to some common ground!

The topic ‘Engaged and fighting.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors