engaged and having huge doubts

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee

You seem to be hesitant for many valid reasons. Sounds like you should cancel the engagement and not just postpone the wedding date. 

Post # 3
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2020

Your hesitation seems understandable. The things you’re concerned about (finances/saving, your children, goals and priorities) are all extremely important things to be on the same page about.

I personally don’t like the way he’s not made a lot of effort with your kids, and absolutely no offense intended, but why was him rushing into a proposal a good thing?

Post # 4
Member
10217 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
jasmin71 :  

Bee, a rushed proposal is only very rarely a green flag.  It’s more often a signal that the person has something to hide and wants you locked down before the mask slips.

You broke up with him.  What was that all about?  It clearly sent him into panic mode.  Getting engaged in a state of fear is a horrible idea.

You certainly don’t sound like a future bride to be who is crazy in love with her future husband.

Your doubts are significant enough to be bringing all of this to complete strangers, Bee.  What would be the harm in waiting longer?  What is he afraid of?

Post # 5
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
jasmin71 :  Your concerns are completely valid. I would be concerned, too. Why rush into anything? Do what you feel is best for you and your kids. 

Post # 6
Member
2035 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Your priority are your children.  If he’s not willing to be a good stepfather that should be all the info you need.  The financial instability and appearance of irresponsibility is just icing.  

But in case its not clear……red flags all around!  Don’t marry someone thinking they will change.  That’s the worst mistake you could make.  He’s willing to go down and take you with him.  Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgement.  Your gut is screaming at you…..listen to it.

Post # 7
Member
9756 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Don’t do it

Post # 8
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
jasmin71 :  These concerns you raise are all good ones. But the most concerning one of all is how he treats your children. From what you’ve said, he doesn’t seem very interested in being a stepfather and that’s a big red flag IMO. Is that seriously okay with you? I also don’t think his rush to propose after you broke up with him is a good sign at all. I think you should end the engagement (as opposed to just postponing) and see if this relationship is really a good fit after all. 

Post # 9
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

There’s a lot of legitimate concerns here, and you don’t sound happy. I encourage you to break up with him.

Post # 10
Member
1771 posts
Buzzing bee

Don’t rush into getting married if you are having doubts. You are a single mom with a lot of responsiblities so you’re right to have doubts and be concerned.  You need to think about things and talk to your kids too to see how they feel.  People do not change.  He is 55 and set in his ways. Put off this wedding for as long as you can until you know if you want to commit your and your children’s lives to this man or not.

Post # 11
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Nope!! If a man makes no effort towards my kids BUH BYE!!! He can find someone else who doesn’t have kids period. Don’t do it bee. 

Post # 12
Member
2728 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m a firm believer in trusting your gut, and right now, yours is screaming at you telling you something is off. Listen to your intuition, it’s there for a reason. 

Why specifically did you break up with him the first time? Has anything improved other than him “proving” he wants to be committed with a rushed proposal? I’d be in favor of making that permanent, given your feelings currently, but at the very least, I would postpone any wedding planning until 1) he’s debt-free, 2) he’s had a heart to heart with himself and you about his role in your kids’ lives and what that will entail if you guys make this long term. 

Post # 13
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry, but making sure his ex wife is ‘set up to buy a house’ doesn’t seem legitimately to explain why he’s deep in debt if they spent decades as DINKs. 

He’s making excuses. 

Post # 14
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
jasmin71 :  This guy doesn’t really seem worth dating. So why are you going to marry him?

Post # 15
Member
7235 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

So, he’s not great with your kids, has debt and no savings and you are considering legally and FINANCIALLY binding yourself to him because he picked you?

NOPE.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors