(Closed) Engaged and hurt feelings…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@ldc004:  Hey there!! sorry, sadly this is something lots of brides experience…from at 19 to age 29!!

My advice is to give them time to let it sink in. You are young and it sounds like they are merely concerned/having a hard time taking it seriously. 

I’d let it be for now, and celebrate with those who are excited for you!! My parents were more stressed than excited for me and I was 28 when I got engaged…all they could think was oh crap now we have to plan a wedding…but it will get better!!

Maybe they would feel better if you had a long engagement, get their imput on it, maybe you could set the day for 2 years out..have you thought about that?

Post # 4
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ldc004:  Talk to them-they are probably just worried you are growing up too fast or w/e–maybe they don’t realize they’re being hurtful

Post # 5
Member
9627 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@ldc004:  i went through a similar thing with my parents, my Fiance asked dad’s blessing (and mum’s indirectly) beforehand, he initially said no because he thought engagements would be 6 months-1 year. after we explained that it would be a very long engagement (3-4 years) and that we would want to live together first and experience that he gave his blessing. so both my parents knew ahead of time that we were going to get engaged, so when i called to tell them the news that he had just proposed they weren’t all that excited.

perhaps it is similar for your parents? although avoiding wedding talk isn’t a good sign

Post # 6
Member
3174 posts
Sugar bee

maybe your dad gave permission because he thought your Fiance wouldn’t propose for a little while?  That’s what happened with my dad.  it’ll all blow over soon. hugs!

Post # 7
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My mom and step dad (I talk w/ them often and love them!) were happy for us, but also a little concerned. Both my partner and I are divorced, and my ex was a bad person. I think my mom is concerned about that happening again, and overall she wants me to be happy. She also knows that i have some health issues and recognizes that not everyone can deal w/ that. She has seen how awesome my partner has been so I think that they are feeling a lot better about it, and now he’s been fully accepted into the family 🙂   As for my dad… well, he’d know our wedding date if he called me back. I haven’t talked to him since the beginning of January, aside from a chain mail text which I deleted. He’ll know when he gets the invite. When I told him we were engaged, he said some hurtful things I know he meant some in a joking manner. He said stuff like “Wow, you just jump from one guy to the next!” (not true) and “don’t be so sure he’l propose, just give it time” (um, we bought the ring, were waiting on it to come in, and he’d asked. So, pretty sure he HAD proposed). 

FWIW, I’m 29 so it’s not like they’re worried I’m too young. Plus both of my parents are re-married (my dad is only lucky spouse #3!).

As for your parents, I can totally understand the hurt! For me, I was so happy and excited, I really wanted those I care about to be at least somewhat happy and excited – I totally understand that most people aren’t going to be as happy as I am, but that’s okay. I say give your parents some time. Let them see how happy you guys are. I say go ahead with planning, if you’re comfortable with that. if your mom is the type who would be helpful with planning or may even enjoy it, I say ask her (and/or your dad!). You can even say stuff like “Mom, I’m so excited to be getting married. I want my wedding to be nice. I love how you have put together [the living room, a party she threw, WHATEVER], and I would love for you to help me. I could really use your opinion on [centerpieces, etc. Something specific not just “planning”. YOu could even include a certain date to ask if she can help THAT DAY]. 

Also, find some people who ARE excited now (your parents may be after it sinks in). As for us, we had some friends, so we had some small get togethers. We ran into a few friends while getting sushi (totally unplanned) and they bought us some drinks and we toasted to the wedding. That was very fun and made me feel great (that was actually when I  had left my dad a few messages saying I had some good news and to call me. So definitely the perfect timing!). If you two have your own place, you could even host a very informal engagement party for your friends.

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