- 4 months ago
I have joined this group because I really do not know how to talk to anybody about how I feel and how I got engaged.
My story goes like this… My boyfriend of 5 years have been cheating on me evert since we started dating. Not constantly but there are instances here and there. With that, I never felt secured in our relationship. I always feel paranoid and I always feel like I am never enough for him. I make more than him and have a better job which makes me more responsible with finances such as going out on dates and such.I didnt mind the money part at all, I forgave him so many times and gave him multiple chances to start over. There was also a time where I just walked out and broke up with him because I couldnt handle it anymore and yet we still end up being back together. Things were okay, we travel together, we do date nights and talk about our future. I thought everything will be finally normal and that I wouldnt have to worry about him flirting with other girls or even cheating..
Until one day, he was sleeping beside me and I woke up from a message I received on Facebook. It is from a girl and she had sent me screenshots of her conversation with a girl who happened to claim that she had slept with my boyfriend. I immediately jumped out of bed, started crying AGAIN, woke him up and very calmy asked him why he did it again. He could not speak but he just looked at me in grief. He looked at me like he could feel my pain. I was furious and I forced him to give me all the details, and he did. He cried infront of me with the fear of losing me. Trust me, I was ready to walk out then. He explained everything and told me how he felt really unhappy after that huge fight that we had. I said that, that was never a reason to cheat and hurt me that way he did. After all of the crying and sobbing, he all of a sudden asked me to marry him. He said he wanted to give me the security that I have always wanted and I dont know why, but I said YES.
Worst proposal I’d say hey? I thought everything will be rainbows and butterflies from then but no… not quite what’s happening. Picking my ring was also a disaster. He made it seem like I forced him to get me a ring. He made it seem like It was what I wanted and not him.. It was a huge argument but in the end we ended up getting it anyway. Another huge argument and drama but I thought about everything and still came over to his house and communicated with him very calmy that I know that he is scared at some point thinking he wouldnt be able to hang out with his friends and do whatever he wants. He agreed and I assured him that that willnot be the case and that we can take our engagement day by day, one step at a time and we finally had a common ground and we fixed the issue. We talked about publishing our engagement on FB on our anniversary day which was yesterday. Oh and I also asked for some fowers, because he never gives me one.
The day comes, he wanted me to pick him up from their house because his vehicle is broken,our dinner was reserved for 7pm, called him at 6pm and he said that he was still at the gym. I got to their house and waited for him to get home. I was so heartbroken because I felt as though, his gym was way important to him than celebrating our anniversary and engagement. had a huge fight AGAIN which ruined the entire night. NO flowers and he kept complaining the whole night how he never liked fine dining. I went to the washroom and cried my heart out. I was thinking to myself how do I really want to marry someone like him? Do I really want to marry the guy who keeps hurting me emotionally? Anyway, In the middle of the dinner, he started saying sorry and asking me not to fight with him anymore. I agreed and put everything behind. For God Sakes, I just really want to have a good night 🙁 . we were now having a good time, we went to a lounge and ordered drinks, came over to my house and started watching a movie. Then, I brought up the fact that he promised to publish our engagement on his FB and I kept bugging him about it but he never did. I started feeling a bit weird and kept bugging him and asking him why. I questionned why he doesnt want to post anything about us on his FB or even accept the pictures I posted in which I tagged him on. He just kept saying that he will but he still hasnt done so.
We slept mad, woke up mad. On our way to work, I wanted to talk to him and ask him what he was feeling or thinking and why he hasnt been talking since we woke up. All he kept saying was that there was nothing wrong. I bugged him to tell me the truth and he just keeps brushing me off . He mentioned about not being happy and that he does not know what to feel. I got to work crying. I dont know anymore. I do not know what to do at this point. Im starting to think that I have an issue or something is wrong with me but I am not happy at all. I feel like everything I asked for was too much for him? I just dont know. I want to work it out and fix it like what we always do but how? I feel like Im the only one trying. I feel like he is never proud to be with me thats why he couldnt post our pictures. like should I leave or should I still fight for it?
Sorry for the long story. It honestly felt good to be able to put everything I feel in writing. I just feel so broken.