Engaged and not happy part 2

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
7063 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I didn’t even get past this “My boyfriend of 5 years have been cheating on me evert since we started dating.” 

And you are marrying him, why?

If you don’t feel ready to just call off the wedding (dear jesus god, it’s ridiculous that you’re even considering marrying him), postpone it until you can get some therapy. No one who had a strong and healthy sense of self would say yes to a proposal from someone who has been cheating on them for 5 years.

Unless you have some plot to get up in front of everyone and when asked “do you take this man…” you’re planning to roar “I WILL NOT! HE’S A LIAR AND A CHEATER AND A PIECE OF SHIT.” which is a really expensive way to get revenge but would be highly entertaining to read in a thread.

Post # 32
Member
41 posts
Newbee

Look at it this way: after dating a guy this awful, it would be difficult to do worse. I promise he is not the last man who will be interested in you. There are so many quality partners out there. He brings nothing postive to your life. The quicker you walk away, the better.

To end it you give him the ring and tell him you aren’t happy with him and you haven’t been happy in a really long time. Tell him you realized you can never be happy with him and then block his number and cut all contact.

Post # 33
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

Bee. You deserve to be with a man who cherishes you and only you. Who doesn’t manipulate you. Who enjoys the treats that you enjoy, like a nice meal out. You deserve to be with somebody who comes to you without things ‘feeling off’. You shouldn’t have to try so hard. You deserve to be with somebody who brings out the best in you.

You will not find him if you stay with this loser.

Run, and when you’ve healed up, and realized how much you deserve, and find a man who respects you the way you need to be respected, you’ll look back at this time of your life and shake your head. Imagine what you from the future would say to the you, now. She’d tell you to be brave, and to prepare yourself for good things by leaving the bad behind you.

Post # 34
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - New York, New York

He’s been acting like this when you’re not married; it will likely get even worse once you’re legally bound to him. He’s already shown you that he’s not faithful and that he won’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Save yourself the heartache and leave him! 

Post # 35
Hostess
10504 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

View original reply
lgarciab :  Bee, it’s time to walk away and not throw away anymore of your life or your heart on this loser. He doesn’t want to make your engagement public because he’s got a side chick – or who knows, maybe YOU’RE the side chick. Cut your losses. You’re better than him and you deserve better than him. You can’t live your entire life like this – feeling second best. An engagement should be a happy time. Nothing about your proposal or the follow up has been happy. You are completely incompatible. Break it off. You know in your heart this isn’t working and will never work.

Post # 36
Member
6974 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
lgarciab :  “It has been 5 years.”

Right, you’ve already put in 5 years. 5 years of being cheated on, lied to, and made to feel worthless. Don’t waste 5 more trying to force this guy to respect you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It won’t work and then you’ll have 10 years down the drain! Break off this relationship now and I guarantee in 5 years you’ll be wondering WTF you ever even saw in this guy! 

Post # 37
Member
11346 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
TwilightRarity :  

This might be worth it. 

Post # 38
Member
11346 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
lauraloo :  

As Robbieandjuliahaha might say, you could open a window, throw a rock and hit a better guy than this one.

Post # 39
Member
7063 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
sassy411 :  I would wish I was there so I could cheer for her.

Post # 41
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

The problem is, that you spent WAY TOO MUCH time in this relationship and now the way he is treating you started to define you. It’s not the truth though. It’s the byproduct of emotional abuse. 

You deserve better and you CAN do better.

He reminds me of my loser exboyfriend who cheated on me. Started with a Facebook message from a woman, with screanshots, just like yours.

Then he cried, apologized, just like your boyfriend. It was very dramatic too. He asked me to marry him (no ring, just like yours). I didn’t say yes though, it was a ridiculous situation.

Dumb me forgave him, then he cheated again with one of my friends 😀 At least I found out what kind of a person she really is.. and that she is not my friend at all.

The only difference is, that he was the only man who treated me like this, so I knew this is not what a relationship should be. And I was probably older when I met him, than you were when you met your bf, so I dumped him after a few months of dating. He harassed me for over a year after I broke up with him. I was about to get a restraining order against him when he finally stopped. (AFTER A YEAR!)

About a year later I met the man who is my husband now, and treats me like a princess every single day. 

Don’t be afraid of the unknown (life w/o him) that HAS POTENTIAL, not like this relationship. I even lost a “friend” to my abuser, but at the end of the day I’m happy I left, so I was able to find someone who makes me feel safe and loved, and found out that my “friend” can’t be trusted. 

Post # 42
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Get out now!!! He has given you no reason to stay in this relationship. If you marry, it will mean a lifetime of heartache. He has shown you what life will be like with him. I know how hard it is to leave a relationship, but it is time to get out! You deserve someone who treats you with dignity and respect. 

Post # 43
Member
1760 posts
Buzzing bee

Are you serious? How are you debating this? LEAVE!!!

Post # 45
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Aspen, CO

I really hope this doesn’t come across as harsh but what is one reason you’d even consider marrying this man??? He doesn’t want to get married, doesn’t want to put you first and has constantly cheated.  I can honestly not think of one reason why you even think about marrying this asshat.  

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