Hi there. I see you are in a really bad place, and might feel this is the best life can offer you. It’s not. I know we all fear to be alone, and can really, really understand. My relationship had issues I know would have made some ladies run for the hills pretty quick. We started dating young, 19, and we had a lot of hurdles to pass as we both grew up. He was a flirt. He liked the attention… and then he realized it hurt me and was dickish. And stopped. He disdained marriage, flowers, dinners, etc. And then realized such things weren’t so bad.
About 10 years ago, at the 10-year mark of our relationship (yes, 10 years), I was hitting a point when I knew I needed to accept things or move on. I knew at 19 we were nowhere near ready for marriage. At 25 I was still of that mind. BY 30, it started to hurt. I sat and asked MYSELF if I was happier with him in my life. Did he make me smile? Had he grown into a man who was able to show he cared? Maybe not all the time, but more often than not? Did we usually enjoy time together and mourn time apart? How would life be different if we broke it off and I moved out? Was I wanting marriage for the sake of being married or did I want a legitimate life with HIM? I did not/do not want kids, so that’s not an issue. But how would I be on my own, what hurt would it stop, versus how was I when I was with him?
I made a decision to stay. He realized I was actually close to leaving, and made a lot of changes. I issued no ultimatum. I just started making moves to buy my own car, looking for my own place, quietly but openly, and he finally made it clear he wanted me in his life. I realized I was happier unmarried with him than I’d be on my own, that we had a life and I could be happy minus that one thing if that’s what it took for me to find peace and move forward. We finally married, and I am happy. But he grew up a LOT from the 19-year-old boy I started dating in college.
It sounds like your fiance is still very much a little boy. I made a point of letting H know I wanted marriage, but that it was in his court to decide and act if he wanted it. No ambiguity. No threats. He finally asked what kind of ring I’d like, and fearing his ideas were too expensive or grandiose, and would not look like an e-ring to me, I told him a simple solitaire was what I’d always wanted, and my birthstone would be perfect. He surprised me a few months later with just that.
You don’t sound like you live together, or have much of your lives intertwined. Breaking things off with this boy might be best for you at this time. If he grows up, and you are still unattached, you can see about dating him for a bit in the future, but he is nowhere near ready to be a husband – he can’t even be a good boyfriend. It’s okay to break up even after 5 years. 5 years of what? Him hurting you and not growing from it enough to stop? You will be fine without him, and it’s best to nip this in the bud now than a few years down the line when you’ve got joint proprty to untangle.
I hope you’re doing ok. I am sorry, this is not a good way to be trying to plan a future.