Post # 1
I am recently engaged (yayy) and over the moon! I am SO excited to be married to my fiancé and be his wife.
However, the wedding planning process has begun and has been eventful to say the least. We come from very big cultural backgrounds (not the same though) and trying to coordinate a wedding to suit our family and guests needs has been difficult. I am overwhelmed with the emotion behind every single decision; opinions and all.
Fiance family is very opinionated and want to be involved in absolutely everything – it is driving me crazy!!! I am trying to keep my distance and let Fiance handle it as I don’t want to be in the middle of conflict. I am assuming that this type of behaviour from inlaws is “normal” when it comes to weddings.
However, we are basically trying to plan the wedding around his families needs (which my family is not happy about). He is Italian and weddings for them cost hundreds per head, 10 course meal, the top end of everything, from film, photography, clothes, cars etc. On the other hand, my family are the complete opposite. All they want to do all night is dance and have fun, where as his just want to sit down and enjoy their meals.
I have cut my guest list down by at least 200 (all family and relatives) because I can’t afford to pay so much money per person. This means however, that there won’t be many people who will dance to my cultural music and I am afraid and scared that this will happen, and essentially turn out crap or boring.
Any other bees come from 2 very different cultural groups? How did you make it work and what is the best advice you can give?
Post # 2
Who is paying for the wedding? If you are paying, then you can ignore a lot of what your fiance’s family is saying. Still try to do something that would make them comfortable, but do what YOU want.
I’d suggest coming up with a list of things for each family that make the wedding important. Your family wants to dance, your fiance’s family whats to sit and enjoy food. Use that list as a startibg point. Compromise on the food, still a nice sit down, but 4-5 courses instead of 10. If you’re having plated food that gets served individually, maybe have dance breaks between the courses.
Finally, if you and your fiance need to cut the guest list for cost reasons, your family should not be the only ones cut! You two need to do this evenly. No choosing one family over another.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2017 - State Park
How did I deal with the pressure of family wants and needs, my needs, my bank account, my wants?
By deciding that it was just one day, everyone would get over it, and inviting 10 people and ordering pizza.
I understand that my story probably isn’t helpful. Except that it might be helpful to know that EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE no matter what you do. And sometimes you’re better off trying to please no one instead of everyone.
Post # 4
We eloped. My DH’s parents were from different backgrounds, too, and they also eloped.
Post # 5
It sounds like you are paying if you’re worried about the cost? If that’s the case you get the final say. Your Fiance needs to put his foot down with his family. It will be easier coming from him. You’re going to end up dissapointing some people on both sides but you can’t do it all and please everyone. If they’re expecting a giant multicourse meal then they can pay for it.
Post # 6
The expectation may be there to have a big Italian wedding but your wedding is the celebration of two people & two families coming together and so a little compromise may have to be a factor in that!
If you have to pay for everything yourselves make sure your FI’s family is aware of your budget so they aren’t unknowingly making suggestions that add pressure on you. Maybe they will offer gifts or have awesome connections that can help with the extra costs!