(Closed) engaged and overwhelmed; how did you deal??

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1429 posts
Bumble bee

Who is paying for the wedding? If you are paying, then you can ignore a lot of what your fiance’s family is saying. Still try to do something that would make them comfortable, but do what YOU want.

I’d suggest coming up with a list of things for each family that make the wedding important. Your family wants to dance, your fiance’s family whats to sit and enjoy food. Use that list as a startibg point. Compromise on the food, still a nice sit down, but 4-5 courses instead of 10. If you’re having plated food that gets served individually, maybe have dance breaks between the courses.

Finally, if you and your fiance need to cut the guest list for cost reasons, your family should not be the only ones cut! You two need to do this evenly. No choosing one family over another.

Post # 3
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

How did I deal with the pressure of family wants and needs, my needs, my bank account, my wants?

 

By deciding that it was just one day, everyone would get over it, and inviting 10 people and ordering pizza.

 

I understand that my story probably isn’t helpful. Except that it might be helpful to know that EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE no matter what you do. And sometimes you’re better off trying to please no one instead of everyone. 

Post # 4
Member
3422 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

We eloped. My DH’s parents were from different backgrounds, too, and they also eloped. 

Post # 5
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

It sounds like you are paying if you’re worried about the cost? If that’s the case you get the final say. Your Fiance needs to put his foot down with his family. It will be easier coming from him. You’re going to end up dissapointing some people on both sides but you can’t do it all and please everyone. If they’re expecting a giant multicourse meal then they can pay for it.

Post # 6
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

The expectation may be there to have a big Italian wedding but your wedding is the celebration of two people & two families coming together and so a little compromise may have to be a factor in that! 

If you have to pay for everything yourselves make sure your FI’s family is aware of your budget so they aren’t unknowingly making suggestions that add pressure on you. Maybe they will offer gifts or have awesome connections that can help with the extra costs!

 

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