(Closed) Engaged and thinking of another guy- PLEASE HELP!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@xxamyxxb:  Just sounds like cold feet to me. He is engaged to someone else and it would not be worth it if you actually dumped your fiance and go for this guy. Just remember all the things that you love about your fiance and it will eventually pass.

Post # 4
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@xxamyxxb:  I think you may just be having some cold feet, but if you are indeed tempted by this guy, I would cut him out of your life.

Big commitments are scary and your fears can manifest in weird ways… this being one of them. It doesn’t sound like you’re wanting to cheat on your Fiance or anything… and it’s good that you’re feeling guilty about it. If you weren’t feeling guilty that would be a bad thing.

It’s only natural to wonder about the past and what your family said and what could be… what if, etc.

 

Post # 5
Member
3687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Why did you start another thread on this topic?

Post # 8
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@xxamyxxb:  It’s ok to have guy friends… and dare I say it’s ok to be attracted to other people. You’re only human. This all sounds very innocent to me. You haven’t done anything wrong.

If you were making plans to see more of this guy because you couldn’t get him out of your head, then I would be worried.

The past is the past and it’s not like you cheated. There was no physical contact and you weren’t even feeling emotionally attached to him, right? Like zero cheating going on whatsoever.

 

Post # 9
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

When I was dating other guys before my Fiance I would always get a feeling like that, like there was something better out there. I am ashamed to admit that I cheated a lot in my past relationships and I think a lot of that feeling came from the typical “wanting what you can’t have” but a lot of it also came from the fact that I knew I was settling and there was something out there better.

Maybe you just are getting cold feet and you want what you can’t have. Or maybe this is a hint that you are not truly happy. That’s something that you have to really sit down and analyze.

With my Fiance I have never once thought about another guy or that I could be happier with someone else. My Fiance is THE ONE, no ifs ands or buts! Maybe not everyone gets that feeling that their FH is “the one”, but I think going into marriage you should have that feeling that you couldn’t possibly be happier with anyone else and that you hit the jackpot!!!

Whether you stay in your current relationship or not is something you need to figure out. But whether you pursue this old friend of yours that is engaged is a bees nest that you should not poke!

In my personal opinion, I don’t think it’s worth pursuing this other guy, but it sounds to me like you will always wonder if there is something out there better and that’s not a good feeling to have starting a marriage. Have you considered taking some time apart to see other people? I know that’s a crazy idea when you just got engaged, but you really should go into a marriage with confidence that he’s “the one”.

Post # 10
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I wouldn’t worry about it. It sounds like you’re just overthinking, particularly since your Fiance is your first boyfriend and first… everything. It’s totally natural. And if you’re not even physically attracted to him (in the sense that you want him physically) then there’s not really anything to worry about. it’s normal to keep in touch with friends! 

Post # 11
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2005

It ‘could’ be cold feet, however if you are feeling that this is putting something inbetween your fiance and yourself you need to walk away from that other guy.  You fiancee deserves an honest loving wife and if you are having second thoughts you need to think really carefully about your future with him but do remember you may be having second thoughts just because you are getting ready to make a HUGE lifestyle change.  If it where me though I think I’d stop contacting the other person and just focus on the fiancee.

Post # 13
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@xxamyxxb:  So what exactly are you worried about?

If you’re literally worried about the fact that what your mom and sister said years ago “you should marry him” and that thought popped into your head now, then you really don’t need to worry.

If you’re seriously considering leaving your Fiance for this guy, THEN I would be worried.

Post # 15
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@xxamyxxb:  So you have no friends? I’m confused. It’s ok to have platonic guy friends as long as nothing weird is going on with them.

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