(Closed) Engaged and underaged.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee

I think that what’s considered “young” is regional. In the south, being married at 21 seems quite common in new england less so. 

Post # 19
Member
3460 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My sister got engaged at 19 and I was 17.  I was totally taken by surprise because it wasn’t something I thought about happening.  I figured well, when I’m 19, maybe it’ll make more sense to me then.  I hit 19 and nope, didn’t get the bug that made me want to be engaged to my then boyfriend of a year.  What I’m trying to say is that people may simply not know what to say to you because they can’t relate at all to it.  It comes as a surprise and many people are terrible at handling surprises.  (Ugh, you don’t want to know what I said to my sister, *meaning* it in an “I love you” way but came across wrong and got (very reasonably, though wrongly) interpreted as “I don’t like your boyfriend.  Luckily it’s all good now.)  Just try to be forgiving of lapses.  Though we’re all human, so it’s fine to tell friends you are disappointed they aren’t more excited for you.  Just maybe try that one on one or use humor if in a group and they are raving about couple Y.  

And I want a renovated kitchen too. 

Oh, one more thing…  You say you want to enjoy your engagement.  These people can’t stop you, all they can do is decline to take a ride on the train with you.  Learn to enjoy your engagement for you and forget about the reaction of others.  (Unless they ask if you are rushing because you are pregnant.  Then you are entitled to write Miss Manners to get the appropriate put-down that will end that line of conversation and keep you in your happy bubble.)

Post # 20
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@Mrs. Furry: I can tell you from experience as an “of more average” age bride that it’s because we can’t relate.  “How can you not want to experience your 20’s traditionally?!?!?” 🙂  However, while I don’t understand, I do respect it.  I stood as Maid/Matron of Honor for both my cousin and sister getting married at a younger age and I would not have if I didn’t support their marriage. 

Also, I’m not sure who you are hearing that from but my guess it’s either from women who got married younger and wish they hadn’t or from women who got married later and glad they did.  All I heard growing up from my mom (who still loves my dad btw) is “this is who you pick at 19”.  And similar comments from my aunts.  Now that being said, I felt ready to get married when I was younger but didn’t meet the right guy.  Now that I’m older and looking back, I’m glad I’m getting married now because I’m happier that we don’t have to figure out our 20’s together.

To me it’s not about how old you are but rather how mature you are.  Literally, 50% of the marriages are already over of those I went to highschool with who got married younger.  But it’s not such a surprise because the ones who are still together, were both really mature and the others weren’t. 

I know it’s annoying but how often do we hear the reason for divorce was “I got married too young”?

Post # 21
Member
11387 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Hah, I have the opposite problem.  I’m old enough to be MOB rather than the blushing bride.  Nobody ever commented.  The heck with what other people think.

 

That is one of the few perks of aging–you do end up spending a lot less time worrying about what other people are thinking of you.

 

It’s nobody’s biz how old we are.

Post # 22
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m a firm believer that it’s your stage in life and your experiences that matter. But I’ve been “too young” for just about EVERYTHING in life. Like you, I graduated HS early. I started University away from home at 16. I had a Masters’ Degree at 22. Doesn’t help that I still look 16, and often get mistaken for a HS Senior. Ugh.

So when I got engaged at 22 and started planning my wedding I too got the whole “OMG you’re soooo young” and I took a lot of pleasure in retorting “Yes, well, I have two degrees, a year of great work experience at a decent income and have been with my lovely FH (a college grad and ad executive) for over 5 years. When would YOU say is the right time to get married?”

People are idiots. Don’t let them bother you. I’m not saying you need two degrees or work experience to get married (that’s just my personal experience) or need to justify yourself to others (YOU DON’T!) but if your life experiences have prepared you for marriage at a young age – good for you and enjoy it!! 

Post # 23
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

I’m 22 and have a three year old with my husband. My uncle was still way against the wedding, saying I was too young, and calling me a baby bride.

Needless to say he didn’t attend… People are weird! You know what you know about who  you are, and to anyone who choses to question your decisions needs to back off. No matter what they say, you ARE an adult. Just let it roll off your shoulders…

The funny part is that I graduated at 17 and was done with college by 21 as well =)

Post # 24
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

 Oh I can so feel your pain! My husband and I had a baby at 19 and 21 years old. We got engaged a year later and now at 21 I am a married mother with a baby on the way. I love the life I chose but alot of people who think I did it all backwards cannot wrap their head around my situation. I still have an education, we make alright money, and we come off as the average family of 35-40 year olds. People just don’t accept/understand that. Its sad but its just how the world is now. I just learned to laugh at all the judgmental remarks because none of them have any facts behind them, just emotional comments. I still am having the time of my life. Just a few years earlier.

 As for the green eyed monster, well I totally feel ya on that one too! I girl I graduated with just got married a few months before I did. She is still in college and her husband JUST graduated this past spring. For their honeymoon they went to Hawaii, they just bought a brand new SUV and they will be moving into their new house that they just bought in a few weeks… and oh I forgot to mention how they just spent Thanksgiving in Mexico!? I think her husbands family MUST be loaded because that is just NOT normal for a 21 year old still in college! She acts like its the norm which bugs the crap out of me! Some woman are lucky enough to marry into all the right families. LOL

Post # 25
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Hey i can totally understanfd i just got engaged november 20th to the love of my life no one has really been very suportave about our relationship except some family. But Ive learned not to are what they think because I love my fiance he is the man of my dreams ive known him for 7 year and always had a secret crush on him. not untill this year did we get together and everyone was upset about it because of our age.

i totally wish people would just see that were happy and be happy for us. Its so frusterateing

My Mom and dad were totally supportave of our relationship but my mom commited suicide and my dad well hes now in jail but my sister and brother in law who  i now live with love both of us and support us.

and I am no matter what anyone thinks gunna get married to the Love of my life no matter if im underage or not. 🙂

Post # 26
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

*sigh* People are people. If it makes you feel any better, I was getting those comments when I got engaged….at 26.

 

Post # 27
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

View original reply
@mistea: and im 17 so people tell me all the time thats way to young to be engaged i beleave if u truely love the person it doesnt matter as long as ur not like 8 but then its not really and egagement so yeah thats just how i feel

Post # 28
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I got married at 19yrs old and was divorced by the time I was 22. I wasn’t ready to be married and just liked the “idea” of it all. Now at 28yr, I know I’m ready to do it for real this time!

However, my younger sister got married when she was 22yr. They are very happy and have a 3months old baby boy.

My point is that IMO age doesn’t matter. In my situation, I wasn’t mature enough at that age. However, my younger sister seems to be and is very happy as a “young” wife and mother.

Go with you heart and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks!

Post # 29
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

First: Congrats!

Second: The reason people look down upon young people getting married is that, unfortunately, those that get married before 25 are more likely to divorce. Now, I hope you and your Fiance have a long + happy marriage. But the odds aren’t in your favor. And – those that are looking down on young marriage, are older and wiser. They have been young and in love. And honestly? Everyone thinks they will marry their first love. Now, I don’t think they should put their judgements on you. That’s not their place. But they are just speaking from their expeirence. Also, young brides get very defensive when people question their weddings. That doesn’t make you look any more mature.

So I wish you all the luck, but you might want to remember where people who judge are coming from.

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