(Closed) “Engaged? And you’re.. how old?”

posted 10 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 47
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@JeffsWifey/Cornflakegirl/all the other PPs who have already pretty much said what I was going to say

^ seconded

We got engaged when I was 19 and he was 23, and at our wedding in 10 days we’ll be 20 and 24, respectively. Our original wedding date had been planned for a time that was, coincidentally, after my 21st birthday, but I don’t really drink so that was never a big deal.

The “you’re so cute” voice gets me, and I also get those same reactions, a LOT. That’s only when they realize how old I am, though. I look much older than my age, and since people usually think I’m 25 or 26, it’s perfectly normal. Only when they find out that I’m 20 do they do the verbal equivalent of a spit-take.

But, like the PPs said: age and maturity are *very* different things.

Yes, I’m only 20, but in my short lifetime, and in our relationship thus far, I/we have been through more than some people in their entire marriages and/or lifetimes.

Post # 48
Member
1208 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I thought of this thread today. I was talking to some younger peers before a class and the phrase “my husband” was used. The responses I got? “How old are you” and “That’s cute”. I am usually fine with those comments coming from my professors or similar but coming from girls who are 19 and not even sure what their major is going to be? Rather irritating.

Post # 51
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m turning 30something soon, so I can’t relate, but I assure you if the comment comes from an unmarried older woman it’s most likely envy. so don’t take it personally! 😉

Post # 52
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I know if must be frustrating and it sounds like fun if you could only  say all of the snarking things you are thinking.  But if I were you I would totaly blow them away with a level a maturity they are trying to insinuate you don’t have by saying something along the lines of … “I appreciate your concern but we have it under control.”  Show them in a very polite way they are the ones with the problem not you.  Handleing it with poise and maturity will say far more than your words ever will.   Getting defensive only (in their minds) proves their point, self control is a great sign of maturity. That is why 2 years olds have trantrums and we say “yep terrible twos” and when 22 year old throws a tantrum (lets face it we have all had one of those friends in our past) we think what an immature jerk.

Good luck to you both.  Sounds like your gonna be fine.

Post # 53
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee

@december bride: It would definitely be fun to be snarky and there are a number of things I’d love to say to people who say rude things, but I agree that restraint is the best response…so while I’m thinking a number of things, I’m saying something like, “I’m not too worried,” and then go on with life. 

Post # 54
Member
1817 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Way to go! You tell them!
Just because we’re young does not mean we are ignorant and does not mean we are making a mistake!

Congratulations on your engagement!

Post # 55
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Yeah trey being 21 with a kid. my fiance and i were wedding planning and then we got pregnant, there was never a formal proposal lol we were looking at reception places and looking to put a deposit then i found out i was pregnant.. I decided to post-pone the wedding until after i had my son and now that im 21 my son will be 1yr in 2 weeks i am having my wedding in december. whenever i bring my son up as im talking about weddings people get this look like they think im getting married just because i have a kid with him. thats not the case like u said i dont need to be married to him. we love each other and we know very well what it takes to make our relationship last and we have been better than ever after my son was born which can put a strain even on the best relationships i just hate when people assume and tell me about divorce rates and stuff. i mean no wonder the divorce rate is high everyone these days are pessimistic and negative, they barely beleive in their own marriages.. i support you 100 percent and agree that people need to back off and know their place sometime.. if they dont have anything positive to say then they need to keep their mouths shut

Post # 56
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You honestly took the words out of my mouth and posted them with your account. I would also like to add that in my case, many of the people who tell me this are people who have been married several times and I’m just thinking, “Who are you to tell my what a relationship is supposed to be?” There is such a double standard on marriage by age. No one bats an eye (or at least in my neck of the woods) about a middle-aged woman who just got engaged after only a few months of dating, but God forbid a 19 year old be engaged to a man she has dated for over four years. Some people may take my respone as “snarky” but this is honestly how I feel about the issue and I know many bees on here feel the same way. /rant.

 

Post # 57
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I was engaged at 19 as well and while that relationship didn’t work I do feel your pain. We were going to have a long engagement and it just didnt seem to sit well with everyone. Just keep your head up and grow a thick skin because its not going to change too soon. TO be honest once you do get married your going to get an evern crazier reaction when you refer to him as your husband at 21. Don’t worry too much about others and just focus on your happiness and I know you’ll be fine.

Post # 58
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

I am SO glad to have found this board! I’m not engaged yet but will be within a year and I get this all the time from people I talk to! I hate that they just pull up statistics and don’t treat you as an individual! You guys are all awesome! Stay strong =) and I will definitely be around this board! 

Post # 59
Member
696 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@abbyful: I agree that changes are more than financial ones. I hear some people say that “being on your own” is what makes them mature.

I think it’s smart to wait until you graduate. That’s a mature decision you’ve made that anyone can respect. I’m doing the same and I’ve already changed a lot since I first started dating Fiance, we’re still happy together and we’ve grown up together. It’s best to wait, no reason to rush into a marriage.

Congrats btw !

Post # 60
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

THANK YOU!! This literally happened to me luke an hour ago! I’m 20 and I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t hear this! Soo irratating! I actually had a lady a work ask me why I was getting married! I was like REALLY!?!? UGH! I always hear that I am too young to get married!

Anywho congrats and I think it’s awesome that you found someone when you’re younger! 🙂

Post # 61
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m 17 and engaged, will be 18 at the time of the wedding. It’s refreshing to hear someone voice the same things I’ve had to tell people! Keep your head up 🙂

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