(Closed) “Engaged? And you’re.. how old?”

posted 10 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 62
1467 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I personally don’t think it’s too young, most of FH’s friends got married before they were his age (24) 

Funny thing with us, it’s not my age but the business I am in. Entertainment industry. Getting married before 30 is kinda crazy among my peers. BUT… whenever I get crap I remind myself they’ve either never dated anyone, therefore can’t even comprehend why anyone would WANT to be with someone permanently. 

Sad, really. I feel sorry for these people because I know they’re so lonely. 

Post # 63
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yep, I know how you feel. We were 20 when we got engaged and will be getting married this May when we’re college grads! We also wanted to wait to finish college, so we have a sixteen month long engagement! Whew. Thankfully, in our area it is quite common for people to get married “young”, so most of our family/friends are fine with it.

Post # 64
496 posts
Helper bee

I’m getting married at age 28 BUT my fiancé and I have been in an exclusive relationship since we were 20 (me) and 19 (him). So as for the whole “you change and grow so much when you’re young, therefore you’re doomed” argument, it didn’t apply to us. We never broke up or had much trouble growing together. In fact, it’s because that all went so smoothly that I’m glad to be marrying him!

Post # 65
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I just wanted to throw my two cents in as well as agree with what Abbyful was saying…I moved out on my own at 18 and was a mature, responsible adult who lived alone, paid bills, and had a great job that I loved. However I would still say that I have changed and grown so much over the past 6-7 years I can’t say that getting married at 18-19 would have been a good decision for me even though I was with my now husband back then.

Yes you can definitely be a mature older teen but you are going to gain SO much more life experience in your twenties than you could ever imagine at 18.

Post # 66
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Honey, I moved in with my first husband at 18, got engaged at 20 (waited until we could afford the ring) and married at 22. We were happily married, in a wonderful loving marriage that was healthier than anyone else we knew and would still be happily married if he hadn’t died on me when I was 27!  Pardon me, but eff anyone who says you’re too young. As long as you’re mature about it and not doing it for the wrong reasons, age is irrelevant. If I had waited until we were older before getting married, it wouldn’t have happened in time. 

Post # 67
228 posts
Helper bee

i was 27 and a college graduate when i got married the first time and 15 years and 2 kids later it all went to shit.  statistically speaking, it should have worked. but it didn’t.  if there was a nice way to tell people to go to hell, then i’d say tell them. but there’s not, so just smile and nod.  and congratulations.

Post # 68
21 posts
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m only 19 aswell. I will be 20 when i get married and my fiance will be 26. Age is only a number. You know when you know and theres no use waiting ๐Ÿ™‚

I got engaged only a month ago and i still get ‘and how old are you?’. Some people don’t respect this happy time in your life. I just push on knowing its not about them. It’s about me and my partner.

Post # 69
1380 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Urgh, this is EXACTLY what I’m worried about. I’m going to be 20 next year, and I do have a tiny feeling he will propose next summer when I go over again (we’re long distance; he’s in the US, I’m in the UK). And people are going to be all snooty and look down on me. I’m prepared for it, and I’m going to remind them that we will ahve been together for 2 and a half YEARS in a long distance relationship, we have plans for the future (I’m working towards a PhD, and will be finishing my joint BA and Masters, and we won’t get married until he’s done with his Bachelor’s, another 3 years or so). We know what our relationship entails. Long distance over 1000’s of miles for people our age is fairly commendable I’d say (the majority of people my age I know like ti get drunk, sleep around, etc. Not fun in my books). I love him, he loves me, he’s proven it more than once, and he’s wonderful. 

But I’m not getting to my point lol. My point is, people will always comment. Always criticise. Always b**ch about these things. And there isn’t much you can do except hold your head high and have a snappy response ready! The community I’m from (The Indian one) don’t take any kind of marriage or relationship seriously apart from arranged marriages, so I’ve taught myself not to give a crap what they think or say! Good luck for the future ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 70
38 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

It’s always those over-opinionated (and most likely bitter) people that think it’s their responsibility to tell you how young you are, as if no one has ever mentioned it to you.

But marriage isn’t about how well you get along, it’s about the fact that you’re making the choice to love and be with your husband until death do you part. My parents got married at 19, and let me tell you, they’ve been to hell and back. Quite a few times. But guess what? They didn’t just throw in the towel like 50% of couples these days. They have fought (literally and figuratively) to make their marriage work and they’ve been an awesome example to my siblings and I. You don’t just give up when things get really rough, because you’re together for life. You’ll have issues with anyone you marry. It’s not a walk in the park, but it’s so rewarding.

Don’t listen to them! Don’t give up! Don’t let them make you feel like your happiness isn’t valid! Congrats on your engagement! <3

Post # 71
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I was 21 when I got engaged, currently 22, & will be 23 when we marry :].  With that said though, I look a lot younger :/ .  So I get that a lot too.  I try not to take it personally anymore because frankly, no one really knows for sure whose relationship is going to last & whose is not.  If there is some sort of future-knower person, I’d love to know haha, but until then, everyone can shove it, trust me, & hope for the best ;].

Post # 72
13 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

I hear ya sister ๐Ÿ™‚ … engaged at 22, getting married at 23. My fiance and I started dating when we were 16 and have heard/seen the comments/looks since then…. but we have grown up together and our relationship has matured and evolved over the last 6 years to something totally different than it was when we started dating and that’s what reminds us we’re going to remain happy and in love… we know things will change but we know how to deal with change without loosing the “us” that we love.

Anyone can be skeptical or think we’re naive but who can blame them with the ridiculous divorce rate these days….but if you’re basing it off of that…who isn’t doomed for divorce? You can’t control what people think about you and the best thing you can do is stay focused on your life individually and yours with your fiance and many years from now when you’re still together you can look back and laugh ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 73
622 posts
Busy bee

What’s funny is I am 22 years old and my mother’s side of the family talks to me like I’m a baby! They all know that we’re waiting until one of us is graduated from college to get married, yet they CONTINUE to remind me all the time how “we need to wait til school is done”. YES, I KNOW!!!! Sorry, ranting lol

Post # 74
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It really doesn’t matter your situation in life – there will always be people who have something negative to say about it. You can either try to limit your interaction with people, limit saying anything personal about yourself, or just try to ignore the negativity.

In some ways this is good practice, as soon as you do get married you will get horrible people asking when you’re having kids, if you’re on birth control, do you know you look X right now, etc etc. No offense but might as well get used to it!

Post # 75
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@futuremrskgt: Maybe they are concerned because only one of you will have graduated from college when you get married. I think that’s a fair point that you should both be done with college when you get married. Coming from someone who wanted to marry Fiance at the age of 18, btw. Smile

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