Engaged at 21, what were the reactions?

posted 2 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 16
Member
1035 posts
Bumble bee

I was engaged and married my first husband at 20. I didn’t get too many negative reactions – we were in the Deep South and it wasn’t terribly out of the ordinary for people to get married straight out of college. My ex-MIL thought it was a terrible idea and that we wouldn’t be married longer than 4 years. We were married for 14, as it turned out. It wasn’t lack of maturity that did us in – we grew into two people who wanted very different things out of life. While I’m grateful for the two children that happened bc of that marriage, if I could do it again, I’d wait and experience more life and date around more before choosing someone to be my life partner. As much as I thought I had experienced life, I really hadn’t and he really hadn’t. 

Post # 17
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Congratulations! I actually got engaged ten days before I turned 21. My fiancé had told my mom and his mom right before we went on a vacation and on that vacation he proposed. I was wondering why my mom was crying when she was saying goodbye to me before I left for my trip ๐Ÿ˜› All of my family was very happy for me, we were together for 7 years at that point (high school sweethearts) and childhood friends. Our group of friends were more excited than ever. However, the people that didn’t know us too well, always had something to say. I felt I needed to prove my maturity and then thought “how ridiculous, it’s none of their business” You need to realize that no matter what situation it is, people are going to talk. We are getting married in four months so we’ve been engaged for three years… I’m now soon to be 24 and people still say “you’re too young”. Don’t let someone else determine what’s too young especially when they are in their 30s never been married and have no experience on the topic. This is going to be the happiest moment of your life, the feeling you get is unreal. Enjoy every second and tune out the negativity. People can be bitter and judgemental!

Post # 18
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper

I think people were less taken aback by the engagement at the young age because I had already had my first child by then.  But I definiltely think with you shoudn’t be worried about getting engaged 
“so young” you’ve been with this person for years.  It’s not something out of the blue that’s happening.

Post # 19
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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jazzyb123 :  I got engaged at 21, but we waited until 24 to have our wedding because our parents couldn’t afford to help us pay for a wedding so we wanted to wait until we had good enough jobs to afford a wedding (I was getting my degree when he proposed). People that knew us well weren’t suprised, and were fully supportive. They knew it would be a while before we had a wedding, and didn’t pester us or think we weren’t serious for having a long engagement. Strangers would make comments like “aren’t you too young to be sure about staying with one person” However a lot of the people making those comments were the type that were enjoying the single life a little tooooo much….

Post # 21
Member
7550 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

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jazzyb123 :  Congratulations! Gorgeous ring!

Post # 22
Member
32 posts
Newbee

Hi! I’m 21 and getting married this month!

I probably won’t be very helpful though– most of my family is in the conservative homeschool kind of circles that do marry before 25. So, my grandma was like “well, I was wondering if he was going to!”… We’ve been together for 2.5 years and are in our early 20s.  But anyhow. 

However, reactions from co-workers and friends have been interesting. Most are surprised, some have asked how old I am, but then the conversation moves on .Nothing too bad ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 23
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Congratulations!!! ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 24
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

No one said anything about our age because we were mature, not living at home. Everyone supported our decision to get married, and we were married just before our 23rd birthday 

Post # 25
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

Everyone supported our decision other than Mother-In-Law. I was 21 and he was 24, almost 25 when we got engaged and married. The only thing my mom ever said to me was, “Are you sure you want to deal with his mom your whole life?”

Well, almost a year later, Mother-In-Law is out of the picture. She proved herself unworthy of our time and energy when she crashed our wedding. This wasn’t the only reason for cutting her out, it was the catalyst. 

As long as your family and his is stable and non-toxic then you all will be fine! Honestly, they might have concerns but you dont have to listen to their advice. Stand strong in your convictions and hold your head high! How lucky you are to have found your life partner at 21! Think about all of the wonderful years you have ahead!

DH and I were able to accomplish so much together in our first year. I am starting an extremely extensive and competitive master’s program in Speech-Language Pathology in August and hubs gas a  career with great benefits that he loves making $30,000 over the average for a family of four in our state. We used our marriage to our advantage to help each other and achieve our goals!

Congrats! What a gorgeous ring!

Post # 26
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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jazzyb123 :  Congratulations on your engagement bee! Such a pretty ring. Enjoy being engaged for as long as you can before diving into the depths of wedding planning! ๐Ÿ˜… 

Post # 27
Member
2915 posts
Sugar bee

I didn’t get engaged until 27, but my husband and I had only been dating 10 months at the time and he was my first and only boyfriend, so we got some comments that are likely similar to what you’ll get. Such as, “What’s the hurry?,” “Are you pregnant?,” “Are you sure?,” “You don’t want to wait and see what else is out there?,” “You don’t want to wait and make sure things are still good in a few years?”

I hope you don’t get those types of reactions, and I certainly didn’t get them from anyone who is close to me or whose opinion I value, but people I didn’t know well or who were just acquantainces from work felt the need to make these stupid comments. I ignored them or laughed them off then, and now I’ve been married 1.5 years and the comments are just as stupid looking back as they were at the time.

Post # 28
Member
10527 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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jazzyb123 :  

Well congratulations and l do wish you a long and happy marriage . My own experience of marriage at 20 was exciting and sexy and painful and, ultimately brief. I was perhaps more starry-eyed and had less career prospect than you though. 

Post # 29
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

Hi! I got engaged at 19. We had met when we were 14 and like two weeks into dating at 16 he told me he wanted to marry me and since then that was the plan. At 19 some people were weird about it, asked if I was pregnant etc but our family and people who knew we did it just to make a commitment to one another thought it wasn’t really sweet and were really happy about it. We had no intentions of getting married until we were moved out of our parents house and we got married when we were 24, last year. There’s nothing wrong with getting engaged young! When you know, you know. 

Post # 30
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

I also got engaged/married at 21.  I really felt mature and ready.  He was 24. Not much judgement from parents, they were happy for us and supportive.   We’d been togther for 3 years. I was still in college but graduated a year later.  We divorced 6 years later with 3 kids.  He could not handle family life and the pressures that came with it.  He left me while I was 38 weeks pregnant.  I wouldn’t recommend getting married so young just due to all the changes you go through in your twenties!  That’s not to say it never works out for young couples it does.  But if I had to give my younger self advice it would be to wait until late 20’s to commit to marriage.  Make sure you grow together instead of apart.  Best wishes bee!

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