(Closed) engaged at a young age?

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@LoveMySoldier:  I was also engaged at 17, but will by marrying at 24.  My situation is very different to yours as we saw each other every day at the time, and I think a lot of people scoffed because they thought we were being silly.  Since that time, it’s piped down a lot (although we still occasionally get “you’re so young!” comments) because we’ve grown up, spent time apart (we were at different universities, so wouldn’t see one another for months at a time) and now live together.  Try to ignore the cynics – only you can know what your relationship is like.

The one thing I would say is that a friend of mine whose husband is in the army got married at 17; they’ve now been married for 6 years.  Because he’s away so often she doesn’t really know what to do when he’s home for any period of time longer than a couple of months.  Do you know any ‘army wives’?  Have you spoken to them about what life marrying into the military is like?  You might also find some more young brides because, at least around here, it’s quite common for people in the military to marry pretty young.

Post # 4
Member
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m 19 almost 20 and just got engaged, so just a little older than you. I’ll be 21 on my wedding day. 

clumsylawyer is right, military wives are usually pretty young. It could definitely be beneficial if you found one or more (maybe through an online support site) who got engaged young and is presently married. She/they could be your mentor(s) and could help you deal with deployments, wedding planning, and eventually help you transition into your role as a military wife. 

Post # 5
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@LoveMySoldier:  You ARE young (hope that doesn’t offend). But sometimes age doesn’t really reflect maturity. I mean there are some 40 year olds out there that still act like they are 5! If people look down on you, they probably aren’t taking the time to look past the age. Don’t worry about it too much. Plus at 20 you do get more of a sense of what it is that you really want.

On another note, are you ready to be a military wife? It’s hard being away from the one you love. My Fiance was a Marine; been there before. He was away for 7 months on his last deployment, and it was really tough. Fortunately for me, I was completing my last semester in college so I was constantly busy! That distracted me a lot, but it was still tough! My advice to you is to be patient.

Post # 6
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Yes you are young, but that doesn’t mean that’s a bad thing. My parents were married at 19 and 21 and just celebrated their 32nd anniversary!

Post # 7
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mepayne:  and @clumsylawyer: are right other military wives will definately help you! They know exactly what it’s like to go through what you are going through. My friend’s bf was deployed the same time my Fiance was, and she really helped me out. 

Post # 9
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I was engaged at eighteen and never got married, and that was the best decision I have ever made. 

I am absolutely opposed to teenage marriages, but that doesn’t matter, because I’m not in charge of your life, and nothing anyone tells you is going to change your mind. I ignored a lot of good advice, and you know, that was part of growing up. 

I want you to know, though, that no one who is giving you the advice to wait is saying that you and your fiance are not madly in love or that you won’t spend your lives together, but why make it harder on yourselves? 

I KNOW that it is difficult to be away from the man you love. Mine was a military relationship, too, and I know that all you want is to be together. I’m really sorry that you’re having to go through that. It is so hard. 

Both of you are going to change and grow so much in the coming years, and while it’s possible that you’ll change and grow together and grow stronger in your relationship, it’s also possible that you’ll grow apart. It happens. Just be aware of that. 

The last thing I have to say is that EVERYONE feels that they are mature for their age, but the fact is that you are still seventeen, and your brain is not PHYSICALLY developed yet. I know that’s not something that you want to hear, either. 

I know that you probably think I’m a big meanie for telling you all of this, but by posting this thread, you are opening yourself up to hear it. I’m not telling you not to get married, because I know you probably will, but before you take that step, I really just want you to be aware of all of the things I’ve mentioned here. I wish you and your fiance all of the happiness in the world. 

 

Post # 10
Member
2644 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I personally don’t understand why someone would even consider getting married at 17. Having said that I come from a different culture where 95% people don’t think about marriage until their late 20’s… Everyone to their own!!! Best of luckwith it 🙂

Post # 11
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

I do think that getting engaged at 17 and married at 20 is quite young in this day and age. Maturity levels vary from person to person, but a LOT of ‘growing up’ takes place between the ages of 17 and 25 even for the most mature teenager.

The youngest I would personally get married is 25. 

Post # 12
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’ve know several couples that got married young and most haven’t made it.  My brother and SIL were 20 and 18, respectively, when they got married.  They’re still married after 31 years but they’re pretty miserable with each other.  I think it’s because they resent one another because they never got to live life freely.  They’ve both said they wish they had waited to marry. 

Of course, this does not mean that every young marriage fails.  It takes a lot of work and you have to roll with change because you will both grow and change a lot.  Good luck to you.

Post # 13
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I used to work with an awesome 60 year old lady who got married at 16! Now that’s young! 17 is young too, just ignore the other people.

Post # 14
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i was engaged at 20 which people thought was young and we just got married yesterday (i’m 21 now) do wot is best for you both no matter wot people say!

Post # 15
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I got engaged at 20, and I will have just turned 21 when we get maried. He will be 21 as well. We have gotten alot of crap for being so young, but we don’t let it bother us. We knew we were right for each other from day one.

The topic ‘engaged at a young age?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors