Post # 1
Ok – so I just wanted to get some other people’s perspective on this situation…
My best friend’s brother and his girlfriend are also good friends of mine. They have been together 6 years and just had an adorable baby girl in March together. I love them like family and we spend alot of time together. On the day that I told my best friend (K) that SO and I had decided to get engaged, she told me right afterwards that her brother (S) was taking her with him to pick out a ring for his girlfriend (J) that weekend so we literally ended up in the engagement mode at the same time.
I knew that S&J were going to Pittsburgh this week and that S would be proposing at the Penguins game (jumbotron proposal) on Thursday night and told my SO about it. This whole time I was thinking that SO would propose on Halloween – my favourite holiday. However, as things have turned out, he surprised me tonight with a proposal when I got home from work. He said that he thought about the fact that S&J got engaged and was going to hold off but he’s been waiting for weeks and just couldn’t wait anymore.
I’m really happy for S&J and am really afraid of coming across like I’m trying to steal their thunder, even though it really, honestly just came to be that we decided to get engaged at the same time and our proposals came within 24 hours of each other. I see them on Sunday and I’m wondering if I’m ok to wear my ring and let them know about my news too or if I should leave the ring at home *tear* and just let them enjoy the spotlight to themselves before announcing my own happy news. His sister knows that it’s all just an honest coincidence but I still can’t help but feel a little like the obnoxious friend who yells “ME TOO!!!” whenever someone else has something exciting to talk about.
Post # 3
This is a sticky situation I think. Men just don’t understand. He probably should have held off. I don’t have any advice as to what to do.
Post # 4
Wear the ring, but maybe don’t bring the subject up. If they notice your ring, I’d say be honest about it. It sounds like you’re really excited for them too so let them know that. I personally love talking to other engaged couples I know because it’s fun to discuss planning, so hopefully they’ll feel the same way.
Post # 5
so its your best friends brother and his GF/FI??? im meh, i mean the world doesnt stop just because they got engaged, you are entitled to live your life as well so i would hate… HATE… to have to take the ring off and put it away so someone else wont feel ive stolen “thunder”. it just doesnt seem very adult (the thunder thing) so i hope you wear your ring
Post # 6
I think you guys have enough “degrees of separation” that it will just be fun that you and another friend got OMG ENGAGED AT THE SAME TIME (insert schol-girlish scream) 🙂
Really, I would have been happy to share the fun and happiness with a good friend.
Post # 7
Call them first to tell them quietly. Listen to their opinion whether or not to keep yours quiet for a bit in your social circle or to share the double-happy news together.
Post # 8
A friend of mine also got engaged about the time that I did and it just made being engaged more fun because I could plan with her. (Then they broke up so that was awkward)
I think I would probably tell them before you see them so they can at least adjust to the idea, you know? Rather than feeling they have to pretend to be happy when they’re actually hurt.
Post # 9
i dont think you should take off your ring for THIS reason. if you don’t wanna mention it then don’t but don’t hold back if you really wanna share the excitement. Do you have a big mouth friend who will tell everyone to get the awkwardness out of the way? lol!
Post # 10
My sister got engaged a week before DH planed on doing it so he waited 2 more months. it worked out just fine and maybe the first convo will be wierd but after that, Who cares! you are 2 seperate couples having 2 seperate weddings so Why not?
even worse my sister had almost the same ring but on steroids!
Post # 11
Our “social circle” is pretty small – we each have our own group of friends that have no dealings with each other but we have a really cool family-thing going with my best friend and S&J and another good mutual friend of ours. They refer to me as “Aunty Libbyloo” when the baby is around. They will have had time to tell other people (it was announced on Facebook an hour or so ago so everyone will be aware by Sunday) so it’s not like I’m showing up at their engagement party and also whipping my ring out.
@mwitter80: While, ideally, there would have been more time between the proposals, I don’t think my Fiance is wrong for proposing when his heart told him it was time – this was literally the first opportunity that had come up since we a) got the ring, b) got blessing from my parents and c) my parents weren’t off of the continent and would be easily accessible to call and share the news with. As my Fiance said, “I know that S&J just got engaged and I thought really hard about whether to do this now or not but I just can’t wait anymore and we have our own lives to lead too.” Can’t say I disagree with him.
I think I will call K tomorrow and let her know what happened and ask her if she thinks J will be hurt or upset if I let them know that we got engaged too. At the end of the day, we’re not kids (we’re in our 30s and they are in their late 20s) and I would hope they know me well enough to know that this certainly wasn’t a copycat proposal and just be excited that we get to share in this exciting time together. If the shoe was on the other foot and the circumstances were the same, I would just laugh it off and congratulate them and be glad I have someone to drag to bridal shows with me over the next year.
Post # 12
Please, wear your ring and be excited that you are engaged! There is no “thunder stealing” here. Why can’t two people be engaged at the same time? I was thrilled when I found out that a friend of mine had gotten engaged the same weekend that I did. Be happy for them and hopefully they will return the happiness.
Sidenote: Are people really that petty to get upset that someone else had the same exciting thing happen? I don’t get it.
Post # 13
IMO if you choose to hide your engagement from your friends and family right now, your doing yourself and your Fiance a disservice. Its your time to be happy and excited as well. And even if you wait a month to tell them about your engagement it may be misconstrude that your SO proposed because of S&J… and thats not something you want either.
Post # 14
Thanks Bees – I feel much better about it after hearing from you. I think it will be fine – like I said, we’re like family and it’s not like there’s any history of this kind of thing with us. I think they know me well enough to know I don’t have a “steal the thunder” bone in my body and they know how excited I was for them to get engaged and how excited I’ve been for all their big life moves to date
We became really close last year when their Mom was sick with cancer. I spent alot of time with them (I lived 2 hours away at the time), used to sing to their Mom to cheer her up and we had “family dinners” while she was still well-enough to do that. When she died in September, I basically moved in with them for the first week and took care of everyone while they were dealing with the visitations and funeral process. They don’t really have anyone but each other since they aren’t close with the rest of their family and when FI and I decided to buy our first house, we chose to move 30 minutes away from them so that we could be closer. When they had their baby in March, I was the first one there that wasn’t in the delivery room and I love that baby like she was mine.
So I can’t imagine that they would think that I could have had any purposeful intent in getting engaged at the same time and I have a feeling that they will be as equally excited for me as I am for them.
After all – isn’t that what real friendship is?
Post # 15
a couple of my friends, my ex-bf, and two musicians we are fans of…. all got engaged in the same week.
my friends and i were all excited for each other and it was a pile of giggly girls all showing off our rings. there were no hard feelings or stolen spotlights. hopefully it goes the same way for you.
lol the only thing that i hated is that i have the longest engagement. two of the couples are already married now, the last friend’s date is in april, and mine is in last place next october.
Post # 16
@rosworms: Yeah, that will be the only tricky part – we’ll definitely have to figure out wedding dates together because I know we’re using the same person for our Maid/Matron of Honor so we don’t want to burn her out! LOL!