(Closed) Engaged Bees – When to shack up

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: We're engaged & DON'T ALREADY LIVE TOGETHER!! We are going to shack up-
    Right Away!!! (0-2 Months) : (12 votes)
    35 %
    3-6 Months : (4 votes)
    12 %
    7-9 Months : (3 votes)
    9 %
    10-12 Months : (3 votes)
    9 %
    Over 12 Months : (2 votes)
    6 %
    When we get married : (7 votes)
    21 %
    Who knows? : (3 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6998 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    my advice : wait till closer to the wedding!

    fI and I didnt officially live together although i would stay there everynight and come home to him after work – we both had our own apartment while dating and right after getting engaged my lease was up so i moved “home” to save some cash. at first i would split nights between my parents house and his but in the end i ended up basically living there. his lease was up in october and we battled with the resign or find “our place” he resigned another 3 months. i was kind of bummed out but oh well.

    so fast forward – his leas was up jan 31st. we found our perfect place and moved in last weekend! -our wedding is 9 days away. i am really really glad we watited till (almost) the wedding to do it. all of it was just so exciting and made the anticipation of the wedding so much more fun. so all week we have been unpacking bridal shower gifts and got my stuff out of storage and are combining all our things. plus we get to come back from the honeymoon to a NEW house that is OURS!

    just my opinion though

    Post # 5
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    We needed to save money for the wedding.  He owned his home and I rented.  By us moving in together we put everything I was paying in rent towards the wedding.  It’s helped us a ton!

    Post # 6
    Member
    708 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I don’t know if there is a standard right time. My Darling Husband moved in basically right away. Not really on purpose, but he worked across the street from my apartment and we wanted to spend every minute together. I had never had that happen before in previuos relationships, but it didn’t seem weird or clingy. It was perfectly natural for us. A year and a half he proposed. I always said I needed a ring on my finger before I moved in with anyone. Well… that went out the window!

    Post # 7
    Member
    5984 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1999

    @RR – I don’t think there is a “right” time.  Each couple is different and everyone’s situations are unique.  Speaking from my own experience, I would say that it would’ve been challenging either way (since we both lived alone for 10 years each).  As much as you love someone and enjoy spending time with your SO, there is a lot to adapt to when you move in with one another.  You just need to decide if you want to do that prior to the big day or afterwards.  Will it add more stress to your life?  Will it save you money?  So many things to consider…etc..etc..

    Post # 8
    Member
    6998 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    @Mrs.Firefly1: well you are already engaged so i dont see the harm in getting a place together – i am all for living together before marriage – or at least like i did so you can get an idea of how the person lives in their own home. i know Fiance just learned some things about me in the past few days – i clean like a mad woman…he said “you were never like this at the old apartment” i said “because it wasnt mine”

    i would say go look around! if something catches your eye jump on it 🙂

    house hunting is so fun – even if its just apartments.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    3482 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    It honestly depends on the people/situation.

    Fiance and I were long distance for a year because a couple of months after he proposed, I moved to the UK to get a graduate degree (we both already knew I was doing this no matter what, I didn’t just spring it on him after he proposed, lol). Before I left, I had been living on my own and he lived with roommates. When I came home, Fiance found us an apartment and we moved in together. That’s what felt right for us.

    Post # 10
    Member
    862 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @Mrs.Firefly1: FI and I are moving together this July and are SUPER EXCITED!!!! 😉 Our wedding is next July… so one year for us… But I agree, everyone is different and their beliefs are different so it’s whenever you feel it’s the right time…

    Post # 11
    Member
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I’ll officially move in with him when we get married in June.  I technically live at home with my parents right now, but I spent a lot of time/nights out at his place.  

    Post # 13
    Member
    260 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    oops, I picked “12 months” and then realized that I read it wrong… I meant wait at least a year from the beginning of becoming a couple… Looks like I was supposed to vote based on the engagement date… and in that case, I’d say it totally depends on the couple. In my case, I don’t think I’d get engaged with someone I never lived with before. Seeing how we are together in shared space was one of my requirements for finding a life partner.

    So, that’s what I did: my FI and I moved in within our first year of dating. My house was a 3 bed/1 bath and he had 2 kids that would be with us part time, so since I had been working for years and had some savings, I decided there was nothing to lose by adding a bathroom. Plus, it was a great way to see how we are with planning, budgeting, persevering though, and successfully completing a big project. I figured that, if we couldn’t handle that, there would be no sense getting married.

    Well, not only did we handle that, but we did so well (and were so good with the budget!) that we kept going… and decided the next year to gut and remodel the kitchen. Not only did we get engaged after that, but presented the ring to me in the new kitchen!

    Post # 14
    Member
    5984 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1999

    @RR – I suppose I shouldn’t have responded, since we’re married and living together (sorry).  Although, I selected “who knows” from your poll and tried to explain my reasoning.  No judgements made here!  Do what is right for you and your honey! 

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