(Closed) Engaged BEFORE living together…thoughts??

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

Hi! I agree with most of the posters on here that it’s whatever works best for you as a couple. I 100% respect your decision to move back home to save money. You sound very responsible and I think after 7 years you two have spent enough time together to know the other’s living habits. 

Post # 33
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My BF’s family is super conservative Catholic, so we didn’t really ever mention our overnight visits or de facto cohabitation. Once we decided to live together, I thought they would be upset that we were “living in sin” and not even engaged. However, when we told them, they were stoked. His Nana gifted us china and candlesticks from her 1st marriage!! One bummer about living together beforehand, IMO, is that you experience some marriage-y things before you are a Mrs. Sooooo….if you do live together before, give yourselves a few months to get settled without many other stressful things to do (like intense wedding planning or graduation stuff, for example). If you’re in love and you’ve gone on trips without fighting terribly or breaking up, you’ll be able to live together just fine 🙂 Your plans seem really sensible and I think it is best for you guys to do what makes sense for you.

Post # 34
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@dfutureNP:  Not weird.. we didnt leve together until we were married too.. together for 6 years engaged for 6 months 🙂 

Post # 35
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
@Moonlight_Densetsu:  Agreed.

Actually, many relationships I know personally that were living together before marriage ended up in divorce… So the idea that you have to live together beforehand to know if you truly can live with that person forever never made much sense to me! If you want your marriage to work out, it will regardless of whether you lived together before marriage or not. I don’t live with my fiance and won’t until the wedding. That’s just our preference.

Post # 36
Member
3724 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@dfutureNP:  I don’t think people who are ok with living together before marriage give pause to ponder “are they engaged?” or not when learning of new cohabitating couples. I don’t think it’s weird at all.

Post # 37
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

@lolot:  “I wouldn’t if you’d only been dating for 1-3 years, but I feel like after 7 years, you probably know each other and your living patterns well enough that it’ll be fine.  Just be prepared for some intitial conflict and negotiation as you learn to cohabit….

+1.

Personally, I wouldn’t marry (and therefore become engaged) to someone I haven’t lived with as I truly believe you don’t know someone fully until you have lived with them and experienced all the ups and downs that brings to your relationship.

However, after 7 years together, if you feel you are ready for marriage before having lived together, there isn’t any reason for you to choose otherwise.

Post # 38
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

We did it! We got engaged in April and moved in together last weekend. I always said I wanted to live together first, but I think it worked out perfectly. So far, it’s great! (I write this as he sits in the living room watching the Phillies while I’m in the bedroom watching the bachelorette). 

Post # 39
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@dfutureNP:  I told my fiance that I would not move in together until we were engaged. I would not have done it any other way!!

Post # 40
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@dfutureNP:  I cannot fathom why that would be even remotely weird. I’m waiting to move in until 6 months before the wedding. We’ve already been engaged a year. It’s kind of sad to me that anyone would think this was “weird” considering the higher divorce rate for couples that live together before marriage, or the fact that waiting until marriage to cohabit was not only the norm but basically a rule as little as 20 years ago.

Post # 41
Member
1597 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Not weird at all. And don’t worry about what other people think. What works for you may not work for other people.

My fiance and I dated for 3 years before getting engaged, and we were engaged for nearly 2 years before buying a house together and moving in together for the first time.

We initially wanted to get a place together WAY earlier in our relationship, but it just didn’t work out (unexpected death in his family, both of us losing our jobs, my mom getting sick, etc).

It was frustrating for us, and we got a lot of crappy/rude comments from people when they found out we were still living with our parents and engaged without living together.

BUT looking back, I’m glad it turned out this way.

If we had lived together before getting engaged, we’d never have been able to afford our wedding.

And we both got new, better jobs after we got engaged so it all worked out.

Again, just do what works for YOU!

Post # 42
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t think it’s weird at all! Fiance and I were engaged before we lived together – in fact I insisted on it. I was not prepared to move in with him if we were not married or getting married. I don’t think you should worry at all about it being “weird”.

Post # 43
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@dfutureNP:  Not weird, in my opinion.  We were engaged for 8 months before we moved in together. We started living together only a little over a month before the wedding. 

Post # 44
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’ve only read the first post, but I think it’s totally fine. It’s more traditional, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Post # 45
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

A lot of people believe it’s better to get engaged first too! I don’t think it’s weird.

The topic ‘Engaged BEFORE living together…thoughts??’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors