(Closed) Engaged but alone

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
2676 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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exoticchic:  did your fiancé even want his family to come visit this weekend? Have youEver moved simultaneous to starting a new job? It is incredibly stressful. I suspect he wants to focus on that right now, rather than entertaining people and being social. Priorities!

Post # 47
Member
2676 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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exoticchic:  I should add, you sound like a true “Southern Belle“, so perhaps your expectations are different and people shouldn’t judge you for that. 

Post # 48
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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exoticchic:  I completely understand! I would have felt lonely too if I were in your situation. When my Fiance and I got engaged we drove 90 minutes to my hometown to celebrate with 6 immediate family members. We went to dinner and toasted our future together. It was wonderful. Maybe you could try talking to your Fiance and telling him how much it means to you to celebrate your engagement with your families. Congrats on the engagement and happy planning!! 🙂

Post # 52
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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exoticchic:  in my opinion, your expectations were not made clear. Saying “we should all get together soon” isn’t the same as saying “FI please make arrangements for your parents to come to dinner with my parents to celebrate”.  Men need specific guidance. Never expect him to pick up hints; especially when he has a lot going on like moving and prepping for a new job. 

Post # 53
Member
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Did you specifically invite all of the family members to come to your location for a celebration? If not, you can’t expect people to be mind readers. If something is this important to you, you need to make specific plans and call up people and invite them. You never specifically address this, but you make it sound like you expected your fiance to plan something and surprise you. Men usually aren’t that perceptive — you need to tell him what you’d like to do.

Post # 55
Member
7509 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Your expectations just arent realistic I’m afraid, and your responses to other posters are not very nice. You’re clearly used to getting what you want but that’s not the way life always works. Learn to be satisfied with what you have, and to identify love without using parties or gifts as the standard. You don’t get a celebration for every milestone in life, but you shouldn’t *need* one either. It’s all part of growing up I guess. it’s not a bad thing.

Post # 56
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

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exoticchic:   “I told him explicitly, “PLEASE MAKE SURE EVERYONE COMES TO DINNER AFTER WE GET ENGAGED. IT’S IMPORTANT”

Being a southern belle means having social grace and class. That doesn’t mean “forcing” people to do things you wish just because you “want” it. Which you are doing now, which is bratty and self absorbed.

Oh, yeah, and I’m one of those who actually don’t want to have kids because I’m career oriented. You read me too well 🙂 *smiles*

Post # 57
Member
24 posts
Newbee

I understand some bees here who are saying that you should simply be happy rather than ask for more but I think they are missing the point. Its totally fine to want to celebrate with friends and family, its a beautiful and important moment and you are absolutely right to say that an engagement isn’t just a piece of diamond, but a wonderful, life long time commitment. I say you sit down with your fiance and have a serious talk without blaming him. Communication in this case is the only thing that can help you, if you can’t express yourself with your husband to be at this point, there is something lacking.

Post # 58
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

You claim others are rude. But you posted asking for opinions and when they don’t align with yours, you are malicious, defensive, and rude. 

Post # 59
Member
2346 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

 

exoticchic:  All me to start by saying, I AM WITH YOU ON THIS!  I was in a similar situation…

When we got engaged, we were out of state but I instantly called my mom (she knew) and a couple best friends.  By the time I got home, my immediate family had known and half my mom’s condo complex lol b/c IT IS A JOYOUS FUCKING OCCASION AND PEOPLE SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR YOU.  That’s the way I am, that’s the way my family is and this is the way my friends are.

FI’s family…not so much.

Not only did no one really pick up a phone and call us, but we were at Christmas at his aunt and uncle’s house and THEY DID NOT EVEN KNOW WE WERE ENGAGED.  It had been 6 months!!  How do you fail to mention such a thing!??!

After almost 9 months of planning, I’ve come to the conclusion where you invite and include those who share in your joy and exclude those who don’t.  People are just…different, to put it nicely.  I don’t understand it, but it just is.

Take my advice and just associate yourself with those who share your mindset and share in your happiness.  There’s no shame in wanting the best for youself and your wedding (within reason!) and it’s a wasted of time trying to get anyone else on board!    

Post # 60
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

As someone who moved house and changed jobs last weekend it is SUPER stressful!! The last thing your fi needed was for his family to come down for a couple of days.

Anyway, when it comes to communication, you need to be explicit and not fume when they can’t read your mind.

Finally, congrats on your engagement, good luck to your fi with his move, and you have plenty of time to celebrate!!!

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