(Closed) Engaged but he said he is never going to legally marry me …

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

And you’re going to stick around and take this bull?

What he is putting you through is NOT NORMAL. This site is full of girls whose fiances and husbands have not, and will not ever, hit them or even verbally abuse them.  Those men were happy to get married legally, religiously and in any other way that those ladies wanted. Go look at the Recaps section. Those brides are every shape, size, color, religion, imaginable. Some are the sole breadwinners in six-figure  income households, and some don’t have a diploma or GED and got married at City Hall because that’s what they could afford. Some have been abused, bullied and treated badly; some haven’t.  My point is that you fit on that continuum somewhere.  There is nothing about you that could possibly prevent you from finding real, true, lasting love with a man that would want nothing more than to marry you, because if those recaps prove anything that the bridal mags and the movies don’t, it’s that true love doesn’t discriminate.

I don’t know why you feel as though you don’t deserve that in your life, but I guarantee there are several bees on this site who have been through that and possibly more. You just need to find htat place where you love yourself enough to not settle for being treated badly and not committed to, so you can find that love that won’t make  you worry and ask these sortsof questions. When it’s real, it’s easy. And it’s not ever going to be easy with this man. But you’re not ever going to find htat sort of love while you’re staying with your Boyfriend or Best Friend.

Also, if he isn’t going to marry you, you are not engaged. Don’t let him sell you that false bill of goods. He is just trying to get you to settle and shut up, because that’s easier for him. You’re worth more than that. I recommend starting to act like you know that, and leave his selfish ass.

 

Post # 33
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@EffieTrinket:  +1

What Effie Trinket said probably sounds crazy to you. I know, I’ve been there. The idea that women out there were with someone who had literally never called them a bitch, told them they were acting insane, etc. is probably pretty incredible. I flat out didn’t believe it for a long time. I promise you it’s true. There are men out there who treat women with respect, who don’t promise them whatever they want to hear to get them to comply. PLEASE be honest with yourself and leave him. It’s so hard but so worth it. 

Post # 35
Member
22 posts
Newbee

@Mosh:  you deserve better than that. It sounds like he’s trying to control you in a not good way. Run. Run run run. Best of wishes!

Post # 36
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You don’t deseve that, consider it a blessing that he won’t legally marry you! If it’s this bad now, being married won’t make it any better.

Post # 37
Member
358 posts
Helper bee

25 years? wow

Post # 38
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

He’s 25 years older than you. I am assuming financially well off or at least secure. If he marries you get fifty percent of his assets. He’s been through a divorce and knows this. That’s a very clear cut reason, he won’t marry you.

Post # 39
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012
Post # 40
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Surely no one can be that desperate to get married as to put up with that sort of sh*t. Please value yourself, get out and start working on living the life you want. You are worth the effort!

Post # 41
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2014

It’s clear that he has made HIS choices, now you need to make yours. 

The way I see it is you have two options: a) Stay and live off broken promises, the risk of further abuse and no hope of marriage OR b) LEAVE, take control of your own relationships and have the chance of being with someone who wants the same things as you. 

Leaving is hard but at the end of the day, it’s you that needs to live with your choices and be at peace with them and I’d hate to think that you’re sacrificing that for one hell of a douchebag!

Post # 42
Member
4849 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Pardon me but

 

Horse shit.

Being abusive is a total deal breaker. Don’t waste any more time with this guy. 

Post # 43
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Get. Out. 

He’s 25 years older with his own kids, already been married once. You are both in two different phases of life, if you want to be married and have kids then you need to get out and start over, sorry but that doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship even if you do love him. 

Post # 44
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

He’s a lawyer too.

I know everyone is focusing on the abuse. I was in abusive relationship for many years. I finally left at the age of 55.

My point is he is not going to marry you because of money, plain and simple. Even if he were not abusive, you will never have ANY security with this man. He’s older, he’s a lawyer and divorced. He knows exactly what he is doing to protect himself.

Post # 45
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

He doesn’t need to make it legal and make things complicated…….for HIM.

Post # 46
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Mosh:  One word.  BYE

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