(Closed) Engaged but I don't know if he's the one (need advice!)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee

First relationship?  I would think you need to go out and explore the world before settling down, finsih school and do your own thing. 

 

Post # 47
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
confusedbridetobe11:  Why do you have to end it? Talk to him about it. Have a long engagement. If he loves you, he’ll be fine with that and you two will find out together if this is something that can be worked out. 

It’s fair to be concerned if you’re feeling hesitant and ESPECIALLY if this is your first relationship — what’s not fair is to keep those feelings to yourself and blindside him with a break-up.

My S/O has had feelings like yours and has broken-up with me TWICE… only to realize that he didn’t feel relieved and that there wasn’t anyone better out there for him, but that he had built-up getting engaged in his head to something completely unrealistic. 

His words: “I guess I thought I’d meet a girl, have that struck by lightning feeling and BOOM! I’d be married.”

Basically, he thought it’d just magically happen, like in the movies. He can’t imagine being with anyone else and still wants that life with me, but he’s not ready, and instead of talking to me about those feelings he went down the rabbit hole of doubt and panic dumped me and made the whole situation worse. 

(I’m sure a lot of bees will have opinions on that, but eh.)

The thing is, love is a choice. It’s something you get up and commit to and practice every day. But it’s also a bit about timing. You have to be READY to make that choice everyday. You don’t sound quite ready and like you still have some growing you’d like to do before making such a giant commitment, so tell him you’re feeling a little overwhelmed right now and that you’d like to hold-off on planning a wedding and maybe go to some pre-marital counseling and even some private counseling.

Because let me tell you, you could also end things and 150% regret it and lose an amazing person. 

It’s okay to be on the fence, but don’t make any rash decisions either way. 

We’re all different. Some of us jump into the pool all at once, and some of us need to get in a toe at a time. It’s the same with love. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.

 Good luck, bee!

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