- 5 years ago
I think I’m writing this just to get it off my chest. It’s going to be long, but I hope it will be cathartic.
My boyfriend (now Fiance, I guess) and I have been discussing getting married for several months now, since about last summer. He’d actually hoped to be able to propose last winter, but really didn’t want to without the ring. I said many times I would be fine without a ring, but to be honest, neither one of us was in a huge rush anyway (both mid-twenties and CFBC, besides, so no real pressure). Lately though, he’s been getting more impatient. He’s had the center stone for the ring for a while, but the setting design and fabrication process has been taking a long time, and there have been MANY hoops to just through.
On the other hand, I’d been thinking of getting him a ring, and since the design I had in mind was much simpler, once I’d saved up enough, manufacturing it was quick and straightforward. I mailed the jewelers (Stonebrook Jewelry. I HIGHLY recommend them) the center stone I wanted to use at the beginning of last week and the finished ring arrived Friday! They’d originally said it would take at least three weeks, so I was blown away! Anyway, I’d been planning on having the ring as a sort of “counter ring,” so that when he proposed, I would have something to “propose back” with at the same time. But, it was looking like my ring was at least half a year away and we were both getting discouraged by the endless steps (lap reports, appraisals, insurance, design, etc) to bring it to life, so I decided to present my ring to him when he got home yesterday evening.
I didn’t do anything terribly complicated or fancy (which just isn’t us), but made sure the apartment was clean and there was some mood lighting, and when he got home and started decompressing from his day, I asked him to marry me.
He was totally surprised I had a ring for him but overjoyed, and everything was wonderful for about ten minutes, and then we started the phone calls.
I thought we’d keep it to ourselves for a while and just savor it, but he was so happy and wanted to share with his family immediately. It didn’t go well. The conversations all went something like- Me/Him: “I’m engaged!” Family member: “CONGRATS!!! How did it happen?!”Me/Him: “I/she proposed!” Family member: “Oh…..” Then many of them asked me how my classes were going (we’re both finishing degrees. Me a masters and him a doctorate), one started talking about my cousin’s new baby, and my dad took another call halfway through theconversation. I was in tears after that one, but felt the need to clarify, via my mother, that I was neither dropping out of my program, nor pregnant. Fiance had similar reactions, though nobody talked to him about babies. Not a single person we talked to (of all the parents and grandparents) was just happy for us. It definitely stung, but we went out and had a great meal and the staff comped our desert and several drinks, and many came over to congratulate us and shake our hands.
So we went to bed feeling pretty good. Then around 1 AM, my sister called me. Apparently, his grandmother had posted publically (not just for her friends only) on Facebook that we were engaged and tagged us both. While my sister was excited for us, she was also furious that that was how she found out (I had been planning on telling her in person when I saw her this weekend). Not only was I shocked that his grandmother had taken it upon herself to do this, we’re fairly private, low-key people (I had no intention of posting it on social media myself), and I’d been looking forward to slowly telling the rest of the people in our lives on our terms; but she included a fairly unflattering blurb and a very unflattering photo of us. The blurb made me sound incredibly desperate, that I just couldn’t wait for him to do it in his own time. In reality, I knew it was something we both wanted and I didn’t think it was a unilateral decision/gesture that only he could make. He wanted a proposal with a ring, and the ring for him just happened to be ready before the ring for me.
I was already getting texts from my friends at that point, and I was, I felt justifiably, furious at the situation. I was pretty worked up and adamant that he ask her to take it down. Luckily, we’ve always had a supportive and communicative relationship, so after talking about it a bit more he did so, even though he thought I was wildly overreacting. Well. She FLIPPED and started swearing and ranting at him about how she couldn’t do anything right and so on, but he stayed firm and she eventually took it down “for now.” There are definitely some very hard feelings going on. After some more talking, we eventually went back to bed around three (his grandmother has some issues that mean for some reason that she’s up most nights and sleeps well into most days).
I woke up yesterday morning to even more texts, because apparently one of my friends had screenshot the post in the brief window while it was up and sent it to all of my other friends. They actually cheered me up quite a bit, as it seems like the people in my generation were far more supportive of the whole thing and just positive and happy instead of judgey.
But now I’m here, at the begining of my second day as a fiancé, and my overwhelming feeling is regret for how the whole situation went down, and I truly wish I hadn’t proposed last night, ultimately. But hey, I do feel better now for just having “gotten it out.”