(Closed) Engaged but no ring- legit?

posted 10 years ago in Rings
  • poll: If a couple is engaged but there isn't a ring yet, I think-

    It's just as legit as any ring-ed engagement

    It's more legit than a ring-ed engagement because they don't need a ring to prove anything

    It's semi-legit but I wouldn't take it as seriously

    It's not legit til there's a ring

  • Post # 77
    Member
    461 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I put semi legit but it really depends on the couple

    They plan on getting married soon but are still going to do a proposal w/ ring- I don’t take it as seriously until after the proposal with ring.

    They’ve made some wedding plans but are still going to have a proposal w/ ring (basically only research type plans or small purchases maybe)- Not quite legit only because they haven’t done everything that they’re going to do for their engagement.  BUT if they go by saying they are engaged, I just go with that.  It’s not hurting anyone!

    They had their proposal & ordered the ring & are waiting for it to come in- totally legit

    They had their proposal & have not bought a ring yet but are actively planning the wedding & may buy a ring later- legit

    They don’t want an engagement ring- totally legit

     

    Post # 78
    Member
    3448 posts
    Sugar bee

    I am not anti-ring. I proposed to Mr.TKE and he was all worried for about 4 months after our engagemnt about buying me a ring! I’m like “Mr.TKE just because we’re engaged does not mean you need to buy me a ring! I love you, that’s all that matters”! So, I don’t have a ring. We talked about this more seriously and I’m like, we’ve been engaged for 2+ years, what’s the point of buying a ring now? We can save the money from the e-ring and use it towards our wedding bands 🙂

    Post # 79
    Member
    626 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    IMO a ring is necessary. A Commitment means the world, yes, but having a ring shows maturity in a partner’s financials. It was really important to me for my Fiance to have a ring because it meant that he saved for it & really put time into it. 

    Post # 80
    Member
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    My mother and father are coming up on their 30th wedding anniversary… my mother didn’t get an engagement ring, and NEVER has gotten an engagement ring. And they didn’t just go from “not engaged” to “married” in one day. There has to have been a period of engagement in there somewhere! I always wondered what vendors thought about it, if they considered her legit or not. I guess as long as she paid they didn’t care if there was really a wedding coming up or not.

    There wasn’t really a proposal, either. She just said to dad after several years of dating, “so are we going to get married?” And he said, “I’m 99.9%% sure.” (very romantic). So mom decided to take that and run with it and started planning the wedding. Now that’s an interesting way to stop “waiting” but I’m not sure I would suggest it to others!

    Interestingly this is a big regret of hers – that she doesn’t have an engagement ring. (She does have a plain gold band for a wedding ring. They didn’t have a lot of money, ever).  She told me that I had to INSIST on getting a diamond ring, specifically a diamond ring before I agreed to get married. When I said I told FI that I would accept a Ring Pop Ring or a cigar band, I just wanted to marry him, she was horrified!

     

    Post # 81
    Member
    7769 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    You really don’t need a ring to have it be “official.”  I think it is just exciting/ feels good when you have the ring- it made me want to tell more people.  But it is just a piece of jewelry…

    Post # 82
    Member
    3448 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m sorry that some Bees think that you NEED and engagement ring to prove you’re actually engaged. I get the look every time I tell someone I’m engaged. You know the one: the glance at a certain finger on a certain hand. I really don’t care though. Some people even comment about not having a ring. I don’t need one to prove to the world I’m absolutely, positively, 100% in love with Mr.TKE and that I’d do anything for him (including taking a bullet) and I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him. For the past 2 years, we’ve been engaged, and will be for the next 2 year probably. We’re not in a hurry to get married. I don’t need a piece of metal around my finger to proove that I’m going to marry the love of my life.

    Post # 83
    Member
    2820 posts
    Sugar bee

    So every couple is different.  I hope no one on here is snubbing their nose when someone says they’re engaged and they don’t have a ring. 

    My husband and I both have good jobs and have lots saved….so showing you have enough $$ to get married, I don’t really get that line of reasoning.  There was no ring when he proposed, I hadn’t ever expressed the desire either way, just that I’m not into diamonds.  He had no idea what he wanted to do for a ring but he knew he wanted to get married so he proposed.  We had a very alternative ring made but since we had a very short engagement it basically wasn’t finished being made until like a week before our kickass and very legit wedding. So………there’s no way we weren’t engaged. 

    That being said I started to wear my great-grandmothers ring because so many girls (guys didn’t seem to notice or care about the ring) snubbed their nose at me when I told them or just pretended like it wasn’t a real engagement.  That really hurt to have people be that dismissive, especially since I had just moved to a new place.

    Post # 84
    Member
    1091 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2020 - Oakland Manor

    Honestly, I only read the first page – but to me, if you’re a planning a wedding (or a ceremony, or a court house visit) then you’re engaged. What if you’re investing in a venue instead of a ring? It’s still an investment yes? Plus, it comes with a contract! and most proposals don’t have a contract with minimums (though maybe they should? haha). 🙂

    I mean, if the couple says they’re engaged – I think they’re engaged.

    Post # 85
    Member
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I don’t think you need a ring. But I was a ‘semi-legit’ voter.  Mostly because I come from it in a legal perspective. offer, acceptance, exchange = engagement.  I don’t think it has to be a ring per se, but I think it’s more legit if there’s something tangible: even a string is an exchange.  But to each their own and if it ends up with a wedding, then there was probably an engagement.

    Post # 86
    Member
    1091 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2020 - Oakland Manor

    @sahsabahs But wouldn’t be offer + acceptance = engagement? why the exchange?

    Post # 87
    Member
    2820 posts
    Sugar bee

    Yeah I don’t get the exchange either.  I had an amazing engagement, on this remote isolated beach that he found while we were on vacation and packed us a picnic lunch got down on two knees and said romantic stuff that I don’t remember cause my head was like “oh wow”.  We had an amazing day.  He asked, I accepted.  Maybe the sandwich was our exchange?

    Post # 88
    Member
    520 posts
    Busy bee

    To me an engagement is a commitment between two people are are planning to intertwine their lives and eventually marry. It’s unfortunate that society appears to dictate that to be “engaged” you need to have a ring and a diamond ring at that. 

    A friend of mine got engaged while on vacation.  The guy got down on bended knee and popped the question.  There was no ring.  Upon return from vacation, a ring was subsequently ordered and purchased, but there was no doubt in my mind that they were engaged on vacation.  If a ring had not been purchased they would have not been any less engaged.  But, yeah, it’s what society seems to dictate.  My friend told everybody about her romantic engagement that occured while on vacation and most people’s first question was to see the ring.   When the ring arrived and was placed on her finger, it seemed that some friends then acknowleged it as a “true” engagement. 

    I personally like an acknowledgment of love and commitment on my finger.  I enjoy looking at my ring.  That’s just me.  But no, I don’t think you need a ring to be enagaged.   You need love, committment and plans to spend your life together. 

    Post # 89
    Member
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Well the legal term is “consideration”, and since I blended legal and wedding it’s harder to explain.  Legally nothing’s really binding if it’s just offer and acceptance. I can say “I’ll give you 20 bucks” you say “I accept” but you’re never getting a court to force me to give you 20 bucks.

    The more you know


    * (that’s the shooting star)

    Post # 90
    Member
    2820 posts
    Sugar bee

    But if you say I’ll give you 100 bucks to clean my house and there are witnesses to verify the verbal agreement than it is a legal agreement.   Nothing is more enforceable with a ring than without if there are witnesses that there was an agreement made (even if it’s just by the couple announcing it).  A ring is not a contract either but a gift, so legally, there’s not a whole lot it means.

    Post # 91
    Member
    3162 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Just checked back in on this one and it seems like this has devolved into legal semantics. 

    The topic ‘Engaged but no ring- legit?’ is closed to new replies.

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