(Closed) Engaged but no ring- legit?

posted 10 years ago in Rings
  • poll: If a couple is engaged but there isn't a ring yet, I think-

    It's just as legit as any ring-ed engagement

    It's more legit than a ring-ed engagement because they don't need a ring to prove anything

    It's semi-legit but I wouldn't take it as seriously

    It's not legit til there's a ring

  • Post # 92
    Member
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I think a ring is not a gift considering it’s (state-dependent) conditional upon the wedding occuring.  But this is not a conversation I’m particularly invested in – like I said, to each their own.  I’m a legal thinker so that impacts how I think.  Others are romantic thinkers, so that’s how they think.  An engagement ring isn’t a huge deal anyways, in the same way that weddings aren’t a huge deal – it’s the marriage that counts, the other stuff just gets you there.

    Post # 93
    Member
    139 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    To each their own.

    My answer was that I consider an engagement as one where there is a ring involved (whether it be a symbolic onion ring or a 10K sparkler).

    Before he officially got down on one knee and asked the big question we had discussed getting married for years (we’ve now been together for 8 years) and even had a venue we wanted to have it at. With that said – even though we were talking about getting engaged and getting married and what not – he hadn’t asked so I didn’t consider ourselves engaged.

    Post # 94
    Member
    947 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Well, this might be off topic, but, while reading I started to wonder, for women planning a wedding without a ring (for whatever reason), What have your experiences with wedding vendors been like?  I’ve seen posts in the 20s board about how some of them are dismissed or not taken as seriously as older brides because of their age, so I wondered if the women planning without a ring might have similar experiences, or if they’ve had no problems at all.  And to be fair, the vendor contact had to occur in person (ie, not over phone or internet). 

     

    Post # 95
    Member
    2820 posts
    Sugar bee

    For me I had zero problems with vendors.  It was only casual acquaintances that were kinda rude about it.  A couple of the vendors asked to see the ring and then we told them our story and they all thought (or at least pretended like they thought) it was  a romantic idea.  We’re in our late 20’s so maybe that helped.

    Post # 96
    Member
    149 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I wasn’t going to satisfy anyone with an answer no matter which way I swing, but considering I was proposed to twice, once WITH and once W/O the ring, I thought I might just chime in.  I was proposed to with a beautiful ring by my former fiance years ago at the age of 25.  I loved it and him and we were happily planning our wedding until he was killed a couple months before the wedding.  Devastaged of course and grieved for years  I simply wasn’t interested in dating until one faithful day I met my current fiance.  We met, and the chemistry was undeniable and we were inseparable.  Within a month of meeting me, my current guy got down on one knee and proposed to me with a bracelet he won from the arcade he planned to give to someone special when he met her (it has orange plastic pearls with heart charms on it).  I now wear the bracelet proudly.  We decided to keep our engagement a secret until we have grown as a couple (it has been a whirlwind romance). Now shy of 5 months, we are shopping for the engagement ring together and making it public.  Our wedding date is scheduled for October 2011.  It isn’t so much the ring, but the commitment we made that make the engagement real (both enagagements equally REAL to me, ring or no ring).  Unlucky or lucky however you see it, I will be the owner of two engagement rings (both with big price tags I might add)..but I would have been just as happy with my cute charm bracelet. =) 

    Post # 97
    Member
    2457 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Every Couple is different. But my Fi and I were together for 8.5 years, owned a house together and had committed to each other that we would eventually get married. We didnt become engaged untill he officially said “will you marry me” it took so long because he saved up for the ring first.

    He had a pseudo ring ie silver, zirconia $100 ring that he proposed with and then we went and got the real ring made the next week. as I am super picky (which is why he had the psudo ring).

    My point is that the ring isnt cruitial but the “will you marry me” is.

    Post # 98
    Member
    382 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    We SERIOUSLY wanted to get married and we SERIOUSLY did! And I SERIOUSLY went the whole year and a half we were engaged without a ring. And we are living in 100% marital bliss and I SERIOUSLY don’t have a wedding ring. We were/are a ringless couple and we are too legit to quit! I got the paperwork to prove it!

    Post # 99
    Member
    2186 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    each to their own, but like another bee said – i view the engagement ring as an extention of the verbal contract of the engagement.

    while no its not necessary, and it totally applies to the couple depending on whether or not there is a ring (like another PP said, you dont HAVE to have a ring to be engaged – but mind you i think you do have to have a ring to be married – not something ornate but a symbol of the vows taken).

    everyone is different. i have some friends that if they came to me and told me they were engaged, and there was no ring i would be like “umm okay” and if they did it great, but i wasnt gonna bank on it. but then i have friends who if they did the same thing i would be super excited and KNOW that they were truly engaged ring or no ring. each couple is different. depends on them.

    Post # 100
    Member
    1854 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    “Will you marry me” is no more crucial than the ring. Every story is different, and saying that a symbol or a way to do it makes it more “legit” can be judgemental.

    My husband didn’t propose to me, and I didn’t propose to him either. We just decided to get married, no ring. The ring came later.

    Also, to me, being financially responsible and stable is being able to pay a loan and car and build a life together. I would have been really upset if my husband had spent a big amount of money on a piece of jewelry instead of putting it towards the mortgage so we can pay off faster.

    Now, this is me and my perspective on it. By no means am I saying that people who see and do it another way are less serious or responsible; so I’d be very happy if some would be just a little more open minded and not judge that no proposal or ring is not “legit”.

    To each their own.

    Post # 101
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee

    It is just as legit. A friend of mine got engaged last year and is getting married in 2012. She didn’t want an e-ring, so her Fiance bought her a bracelet as an engagement present instead.

    Post # 102
    Member
    343 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    We considered ourselves engaged when we decided when we were going to get married (general time) — we had decided we would get married sometime before that.  At that point we told our immediate families and best friends, and we started planning the wedding. 

    I got the ring a couple months later!  I didn’t feel any more engaged when I got the ring, I just felt really excited about the pretty ring. 

    The funny thing is, Fiance didn’t tell his friends & family until I got the ring — so everyone on my side knew for a couple months before his side!  I guess we felt differently about it. 

    The commitment & plans made me feel engaged, but I can totally see how, as I guy, he might feel weird or cheap or something telling people he was engaged before he bought the ring.  Oh well!

    To each their own, I was never really into the e-ring thing, so it didn’t matter to me.

    Post # 103
    Member
    1023 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I don’t think you need a ring to be engaged. In fact I was pissed as hell when people said things like “now you’re really engaged” once my fiance gave me a ring about a month after we seriously decided to get married and picked a timeline. Having a ring says shit about commitment in my mind compared to the commitment we made to get married, the commitment I’ve made  and my fiance has made every day for the past 6 years of our relationship and will continue to make once we are married with our actions and words. The ring was a gift, one that I appreciate and cherish, but I could certainly have done without and our relationship would have the same depth and meaning. Sure, engagement rings are symbols of a commitment to marriage, but that relationship doesn’t require a symbol.

    Post # 104
    Member
    2402 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    ^I completely agree, Bamboo.

    Post # 105
    Member
    248 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    This is an interesting question for me – my position has always been that an engagement is a promise to marry, and that promise can be made without a visual symbol attached as ‘proof’.  I would go so far as to say that a year ago, I would have taken an engagement without a ring more seriously than one with.  I didn’t plan on getting an engagement ring, and was glad my Fiance proposed without one (esp since I don’t like diamonds).  But I’m not against rings on principle, and now (three months later) I’ve got a colored stone ring that I love.  I feel a little like I sold out for getting one, but wearing it makes me very happy, and it makes Fiance happy to see me happy, so oh well.  I guess what I find weird is when the engagement gets overshadowed by the ring – definitely the promise is more important than the jewelry!  And I’ve never understood the promise ring concept; if you’ve promised to get married, even if it’s “someday”, then you’re engaged, you might just have a long engagement. 

    Post # 106
    Member
    3124 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I think that the asking is the most important thing. However there are a lot of couples that are “engaged” and have been that way for years – I don’t really see that as legit as a couple that gets engaged with no ring, but a formal declaration. To me, an engagement isn’t just a state of your relationship, it’s the prep time before you get married. To the Pam and Roy’s out there, if there’s a sliding scale of “engaged-ness”, you rank lower than a couple that got engaged w/ no ring but have a plan to be married.

    I wore a wooden ring for 6 weeks or so after we got engaged – it’s a symbol more than an important step in being engaged. We got a traditional diamond when we got around to it.  He had the money saved, but wanted my input on the diamond. It was great! It was a total surprise, and i got to give input on my ring. Score! Our engagement was 100% official without a diamond, even if the snot sales lady at Mayor’s didn’t think so. We purchased all of our wedding/engagement rings at once from a nice independent jeweler- the judgy sales people we met lost a big sale!

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