(Closed) Engaged but no ring- legit?

posted 10 years ago in Rings
  • poll: If a couple is engaged but there isn't a ring yet, I think-

    It's just as legit as any ring-ed engagement

    It's more legit than a ring-ed engagement because they don't need a ring to prove anything

    It's semi-legit but I wouldn't take it as seriously

    It's not legit til there's a ring

  • Post # 107
    Member
    673 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I guess it depends on the couple. My fi and I talked about getting engaged for years, but it didn’t seem official until there was a ring. Then again, I would say as long as you have a date set, then it’s legit, but we don’t have a date set lol.

    It’s too bad that society is so stuck on the idea of what proposals and engagements should look like. My dream proposal was very traditional: down on one knee, snow, ring box, solitaire. I always like to do things differently, but when it came to the proposal, it was very traditional.

    Post # 108
    Member
    1001 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Totally legit.  One of my best friend’s fiance had planned on proposing, but then they had some money issues and couldn’t afford a ring.  My friend’s Mom was like, why don’t you go ahead with the engagement, and save up for a ring later?

    They’ve been married for two years now, and she just wears her wedding band.  She doesn’t even want another ring.

    Post # 109
    Member
    459 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Honestly, I only skimmed through the first page and this one and already had my mind set up. I just watched knocked up last night and I thought it was one of the cutest proposals ever. He made all the promises that he should make & keep that he would be there for her and the baby. (Not saying that you have to be married to have a baby, which is a totally different issue) I just thought it was sweet that he told her that he’ll be there for her and the baby & that he’ll try and give her all the things that she deserves. Which is really what matters, that he’ll be there for you & you’ll be there for him.

    Post # 110
    Member
    604 posts
    Busy bee

    I speak obviously for myself. my bf has asked me to marry him many many times and we have both talked about seriously getiing married when the time is right. The ring is only a symbol, which for me makes it more official. However, even without a ring I feel engaged. We both have made a serious committment to each other. My friend even jokes how we are practically engaged and just waiting for the ring. Again for me and all my family and his it would make it official, but for us it doesn’t matter.

    Post # 111
    Member
    903 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I have to be honest, I didn’t read all the replies ;-)…but here’s my two cents:

    My mom used to listen to Dr. Laura on the radio all the time. Dr. Laura’s mantra was that an engagment isn’t legit unless theres “a ring and a date”

    Personally, I think that’s a bit of a generalization. BUT I think it helps to have one or the other. I know several couples who considered themselves “engaged” without a ring but also without any date for a wedding (they had general timelines, like “We’ll get  married maybe in four years after we both graduate from college”). None of those “engagements” lasted. Likewise my first boyfriend told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and talked about ring shopping. I never got a ring, though (and we never got married), and i never considered him my Fiance. Plus my husband and I talked about marriage and decided that we were headed that way before he actually proposed, but I didn’t consider myself engaged until the official proposal (with a ring).

    But I have a coworker who’s getting married this weekend who doesn’t have an engagment ring and their engagment is totally legit. So I don’t think it’s about the ring.

    I would say, if you have a set wedding date (or are at least talking about date possibilities, because sometimes it takes a while to solidify a date because of family commitments, venue availability, etc.) and are taking steps towards that, it’s legit. If not……honestly, I would say you’re just talking marriage but not actually engaged yet.

    Post # 112
    Member
    114 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I for one felt un legit with out the ring — but Fiance was hung up on waiting until his divorce was final (the ex took off 13 years ago and since he didnt have her around to divorce he never found out how to divorece a person in hiding) untill we did the actual proposal even though we had alredy set the date and were planing the wedding. I also have a family stone that will eventually be set but we want to do it right.   I supose my miserary over it forced his hand to do something. But instead of having my stone set temporarily into a simple seting he purchaced a childs opel ring and proposed the day before Valentines day which only mad me upset and totally disapointed in the proposal.  After that fiasco I realized I would rather not have any ring than to settle for what he could afford at the time just so people would take our engagement seriously.  In the end he returnded it and I will wait for the right ring when the time is right and know that my engagement is totally legit ring or not!!  This is a second marrige for both of us so there are a lot of financial issues that get in the way. Engagement is a commitment to get married.  I should not have had to feel unengaged just because of the ring . Unfortunalty that is what society expects and some of us; my self included; get hung up on that.

    Post # 113
    Member
    457 posts
    Helper bee

    I can see it from both points of views about not having a ring and planning a wedding i know alot of people who have done that but i’ve been with my Fiance for 7 years and we talked marriage alot and we both new it would happen someday. For me there was no way in hell i was going to start planning a wedding without a proposal!!!! Thats just me though and yes with the proposal i did expect some sort of ring, even if it was a ring out of a candy machine. Through my eyes i wanted something on my finger when he proposed because i believe the ring is a symbol of marriage…. thats my very own opinion and i know alot of other people don’t agree but like i said thats just me.

    Post # 114
    Member
    521 posts
    Busy bee

    I want a ring! Preferably within 24 or 48 hours of the proposal. We’ve discussed you should pick out such a thing together.

    Post # 115
    Member
    281 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I’ve got to reply to this.

    I was “dating” a guy online. We’d met only a few times in person. One day, he comes to see me and gets down on one knee to ask me to marry him, but he didn’t have the ring. I was in college and thought I loved this guy so I said yes. Then we went into Walmart and he told me to pick out my own ring. So I did. The total came up and he just looked at me. “What?” I said. “Pull out your money, you are paying for this” he says to me. Like a fool, I bought it and wore it only when I was away from my parents. Later on, I had to break the news to my parents that I wasn’t technically engaged. I was so stupid.

    I still have the ring, but I’m trying to get rid of it. I don’t want or even NEED it. I want to get some money for the whole ring, diamond included. I can’t return it to Walmart b/c I was told once It’s sized it cannot be returned! How crazy! So, I am still stuck with this…crap…years later.

    Now, I’m happily married and I know I’ve made the right choice.

    Post # 116
    Member
    281 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Let me make another point. The day I got married, my mom told me “Ok, now take your diamond off and put it on your right hand.” That’s when I realized my finger on my right hand was bigger than my left. So, during the wedding, Jeff just put the band on in front of my diamond and I just flipped them before we had our pictures taken! Problem solved! 🙂

    Post # 117
    Member
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    A ring doesn’t equal an engagement or the start of a life together…  The reason engagement rings came about was actually very unromantic.  When women would get engaged they would feel more comfortable being sexually active with their fiance and once that happened the fiance would dump them.  The engagement ring came about because it was sort of a “security deposit” so to speak.  He gave her the ring, she would do things with him and if he decided to leave her she kept the ring (as in had some sort of consolation).  So, when you think about it in those terms and engagement ring is really not a symbol of starting a life together at all lol.

    Post # 118
    Member
    272 posts
    Helper bee

    When engaged to my ex-FI, there was no ring for the majority of the relationship. I hated it. I hated the way I was talked to and treated, but after the initial excitement wore off, it just didn’t feel special. Why is it that people find it so unimportant? It may seem petty but if I’m committing my life to someone, the ring is an expectation. I was very young when I made that first awful decision. My father was incredibly offended that he didn’t save up and do the right thing.  I could be engaged to the love of my life today if I was ok with not having a ring, but I’m not, so it’s completely worth waiting for…

    Post # 119
    Member
    1 posts
    Wannabee

    I’ve been engaged for 5 months with no ring. I must admit it feels awkward telling people you are engaged yet have no ring, however I don’t feel that it takes away our fro commitment. I know where we stand, for me it’s more about what others think, that’s the uneasy part.

    Post # 120
    Member
    64 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    My fiance asked me to marry him months ago. We had begun wedding planning, I was just waiting on him to save enough money for a ring.  We felt engaged but we didn’t tell people that because a lot of the people we know are pretty judgemental.  My own friend wouldn’t even put my SO’s name on her wedding invitations like we’d break up before her wedding so I got a plus one….  I got my stand in ring last week so we just official announced it and got a few, “i thought you guys were already engaged” lol. 

    Post # 121
    Member
    862 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @kjpugs  Considering that I got engaged without a ring, I’m sure you know which option I chose. lol  I got my engagement ring a few months after, but I still would have married him with or without one.  A ring is nice to have (REALLY nice to have lol) but not necessary in my opinion.

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