(Closed) Engaged but no ring- legit?

posted 10 years ago in Rings
  • poll: If a couple is engaged but there isn't a ring yet, I think-

    It's just as legit as any ring-ed engagement

    It's more legit than a ring-ed engagement because they don't need a ring to prove anything

    It's semi-legit but I wouldn't take it as seriously

    It's not legit til there's a ring

  • Post # 122
    Member
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    It doesn’t feel official until I have a ring. 

    Post # 123
    Member
    6738 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @MoonlightRose:  This is my sitch, too.  I don’t have a ring, I don’t have an official proposal, he just told me to start planning.  I think once you start planning, you’re engaged.  At first, we were going to do no ring.  Now, we’re waiting on the Amora Gem and I’m super excited to get a ring and a “real proposal,” but I was really offended/upset when my friends told me “wait for a ring” before I started planning.  I’m not waiting for a ring when my Fiance and I have made the decision to start planning a wedding.  That’s just silly, imo. 

    Post # 124
    Member
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    View original reply
    @futuremrsk18:  We have been planning too. Pretty much done planning. I know he has the ring and we’re pretty much engaged but hasn’t “officially” proposed. I didn’t care at first, but now when I talk about wedding stuff, our venue, who’s my Maid/Matron of Honor…. I always get asked when did he propose, let’s see the ring. Then when I say he hasn’t yet, they look at me like I’m crazy or naive. lol. I know the propsal is coming any day now, but I’ll feel better when he officially proposes and I have a rinv on my finger. lol. 

    Post # 125
    Member
    2807 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    he proposed in may, i didn’t have a ring until june. and the only reason i got a ring in june was because we used his grandmother’s stone.

    just because you don’t have a ring doesn’t mean you’re not engaged. i know a few couples who were engaged AND married without rings. and i know a few couples who didn’t do rings until way after they were engaged already.

    i also know a few girls who wear engagement rings that they bought for themselves, and aren’t even in relationships. they just wanted an engagement ring. which, is weird to me. but whatever floats your boat. 

    Post # 126
    Member
    196 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    @echolove:  We bought the ring together and started planning together as well, and then he said a couple days ago he was going to come on these boards and post how I’ve bought my dress and our wedding bands and booked our honeymoon even though he hasn’t proposed. I mean, he was joking, but it was pretty funny how crazy he was implying I was. But we’ve been doing this together the whole way, so I swear I’m not even though he hasn’t officially proposed!

    Post # 127
    Member
    847 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    I refuse to believe that anybody is stupid enough to think that an engagement is some how invalid because the girl doesn’t have ring. 

    Post # 128
    Member
    152 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I was engaged for over two months before I had a ring. Of course it’s legit we set our wedding date and booked a venue beforgo my ring was finally completed. 

    Post # 129
    Member
    862 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

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    @futuremrsk18:  Exactly.  I got engaged in July but didn’t get my engagement ring until Christmas Eve.  By that time, I was knee-deep in wedding planning and I even had my wedding dress before I had my engagement ring. lol  My husband did propose to me in July, but if you’ve mutually agreed to get married and you’ve begun wedding planning together, you’re officially engaged, ring or no ring.  There is also many a lady who got married without ever receiving an engagement ring!

    By the way, I also had a friend (who actually turned out not to be much of a friend at all) say to me that I should have waited until I actually had a ring before I started planning my wedding, but this person was just jealous because she was wedding-obsessed herself and I got engaged before she did.  Ultimately, she wasn’t able to be happy for me at all and was always SO negative about everything related to my wedding before I decided that enough was enough and just cut ties with her.  Hopefully your friends are not like her, though.  I would ask them why they are saying these things to you and tell them how much it bothers you. I would also tell them that it would mean a lot for them to support you and be happy for you during this time whether or not you have a ring.

    Post # 130
    Member
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I voted for it’s just as legitimate. I never understood the argument of “If you wear a ring it means you are taken”. So, does that mean de facto couples or married couples who are in a loving relationship but don’t wear a ring means that they are constantly on the prowl?

    A ring is an option in a relationship. But the factors which make a relationship wonderful, such as love, commitment, respect, and trust are not optional and you can’t wear those on your finger. Wink

    Post # 131
    Member
    2142 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    We were engaged for like 7 or 8 months before I got a ring, I don’t think it made it any more legit to us but we did wait to tell most people until then because a lot of people do think it’s required. I like my ring because it’s really pretty, but it’s not what made our engagement and I’m much more sentimental about the actual proposal which came way before the ring.

    Post # 132
    Member
    666 posts
    Busy bee

    This is my situation right now, and as much as it bothers me to admit…it’s tough for me to be engaged sans ring.  We have been long distance  (LD) for 3 years, he asked me 5 months ago and although I am certain the fact that we are getting married is legit, it is  really hard without having a ring to accompany the sentiment.  He has said January, but after showing him a picture of what I like, I don’t bring it up anymore.  

    I think it’s harder not to have one in an LD situation, people already don’t think my relationship is real, so now having an engagement without a ring seems to make people doubt that’s real too :(. It sucks.

     

    Post # 133
    Member
    171 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    We were engaged for 4 months before I got a ring (Heck I could wait 4 months after being together for 9 years lol). This was okay with both of us…it was legit for both of us…

     

    I did however only announce it to very close family members.

     

    A couple days ago, I got the ring, and now it is “Official” aka shouted it from the rooftops….but it has always been legit to us. :)…We just did not want to hear any negative comments, well fiance is the type to really care less what other people say…but I did not feel like dealing with negative comments lol…

     

    Like I already had the venue, photographer, violinist booked before it was “official” lol….

    Post # 134
    Member
    2285 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: Central Park

    I think that the ring is a necessary symbol to show the commitment. That said, it doesn’t have to be expensive. I feel that your partner should buy the ring they can afford instead of saving for years. I had a friend whose ring cost $7000 but it took her fiancé 3 years to save up for it. I just don’t get it. A $100 ring doesn’t make you feel more engaged or in love than a $1000 one.

    Post # 135
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I am married without an actual ring…we didn’t even have a “proposal.”  We just decided to go to the recorder’s office one day in September and sign the papers. After the fact, I got a $.25 ring from one of those trinket machines in the grocery store. It doesn’t fit and I don’t wear it.

    Do I want a real ring? Eh. At this point, I don’t even want to really have the wedding we were planning before…Why? Because I have everything I want. I am his wife and spending 20k on one day doesn’t seem to matter anymore. I feel the same way about a ring: having or not having one doesn’t make me any less or any more his wife.

     

    Post # 136
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I think in general a ring is a sign of his commitment. For most couples, definitely not all, I would question how commited he was to getting married if there was no ring. I’ve known too many women who say my fiance this, my fiance that, and there is no ring, no wedding planning, no anything. Then that relationship is over and they move over to the next one.

    For couples that don’t want a ring, then I think planning a wedding is a sign of a real commitment.

    While love and intent are awesome, people can’t see that. They can see a ring so for most people, I think they need to see a ring.

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