(Closed) Engaged but no wedding plans – overthinking it anyway!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
30 posts
Newbee

I’m confused, do you want to be married? Assuming the answer is yes, why not just go to the courthouse and have a civil ceremony? There’s  no law (at least in the U.S.!) that says you have to do a big ceremony and party. It sounds like the idea of doing a traditional wedding is causing anxiety, but remember you have the option to do it however you and your fiancé want.

Post # 3
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee

Meh, you also don’t need to have a wedding- if neither one of you are super enthused, why not just run down tothe court house and get it done? Maybe go out for a nice dinner afterwards. There’s no rule that says you HAVE to have a fancy wedding if it’s not something you’re interested in!

Post # 4
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

panda87:  Hi there! I can identify but I think I would need more information regarding your agreements or communications with your Fiance regarding plans to marry. 

Our situation was that my Fiance proposed but asked that we not start wedding planning yet. I readily agreed, but as soon as we started calling people to announce our engagement (which my parents told me was appropriate etiquette), we started fielding all sorts of questions about the wedding (like: when will it be??) that we had not thought about or discussed.

All of a sudden, and with a little too much free time on my hands, I started discovering “the world of wedding planning” and have not escaped since. My Fiance was completely bewildered, because he always thought I would be an easygoing, disinterested bride, and it turns out, well, I’m interested. Really interested.

Things that helped: 

1) Picking a date, actually. A far away date. Agreeing upon one together.  We actually picked one originally and then delayed it another year.

2) Finally deciding on a venue. Made it less “anything is possible! must imagine different scenarios and plan and pin for all of them!” Basically, once you make decisions about what you do want, you’ll stop daydreaming about all the different possibilities and trying to figure out what to pick.

3) Going on vacation and making a concious effort not to talk about wedding planning.

What I wish I’d done: 

1) Stayed away from Pinterest. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 6
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

First off, CONGRATS! It is super exciting to be engaged!

You DO NOT HAVE to have a grand wedding with bells and whistles. The beautiful thing about weddings is that it can be anything you WANT it to be. A courthouse wedding, an elopement, a 150 guest attendance at the Taj Mahal, it is whatever you want.

So take it easy on yourself. You also have the right to be engaged as long as you want too! Don’t compare yourself to others. As long as you and Fiance are communicating and on the same page, it will go how it ought to.

 

Post # 8
Member
3035 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

Sounds like you might be best doing something low-key. Something simple like a picnic in your backyard or at a park with your closest friends and family. 

Pick a date, book a pavillion, send out invites, buy a nice sundress, get bbq catered, ask your closest friends/family to make a side or a dessert to bring, find someone who can officiate, and do it. You don’t need all the fuss if you don’t want all the fuss. 

 

Post # 9
Member
49 posts
Newbee

Congratulations on the engagement.  I can relate to how you feel because I recently got engaged as well, my Fiance was my first boyfriend ..first everything to be exact. And we moved in before getting engaged so I sort of already felt like we were married. Also, before knowing him I never really thought about the idea of getting married perhaps because I was never in a relationship but did like the idea of being in a long term relationship. Now, that I am in one I thought abotu getting married because eventually long term relationships may come with having children, etc. 

 

It’s okay to feel the way you do, don’t get intimated by others. People have constantly asked me everywhere I go , when’s the wedding, have you planned etc.. I don’t have nothing planned lol. I am taking it “easy” for now.. I personally want a small simple wedding with our family and friends nothing big. But, I know other women who want to go all out. It’s all a sense of perference between the two. 

Post # 10
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

You don’t have to have a wedding if you and your fiance are fine with not having a wedding. Marriage is about you and your future husband. Go to a court house and no wedding planning needed. 

Post # 11
Member
15 posts
Newbee

Same here, the formalities and financial obligations to the event wear on my mood, although it all seems fun. Been engaged 4 mos. and feel the same..

Post # 12
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m the same way, we’re planning to get engaged in the fall and then not married until at least 2018 and possibly later. There’s nothing wrong with just taking a while to enjoy being engaged.

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