Engaged but no wedding plans

posted 4 months ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
1031 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Here’s the problem as I see it.  The issue isn’t that he has spent 6 months doing nothing.  The problem isn’t that he’s suggesting next spring.  The problem isn’t even that he wants to plan a wedding based on his bachelor party.

The problem is that you are engaged to a man who does not take your issues seriously when you explain them to him. He refuses to talk to you about something that is objectively a big deal (getting married). How are you supposed to trust that he’ll have your back when issues are less obvious or are internal/ subjective like jealousy, hurt, depression, frustration, etc?  

Look back on your relationship, bee.  I’ll bet you’ll find ample evidence to support the fact that this man is happy to be with you as long as all of his wants get met… and you’re the only person who is responsible for getting your needs met.  He’s gotten USED to treating you like an afterthought, which is why he felt it was perfectly rational to say he wanted to plan your marriage around his party.  No normal man who is in love with and respects his partner would ever fix his mouth to say his bachelor party determines when he’ll get married.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Consider his delay a blessing and back out of this lopsided arrangement before you wind up like the bee in another post who is sick and tired of living with the man she loves. 

Post # 32
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2021

If he wants to get married in spring (in roughly 8–9 months), then it’s probably already too late to book a venue.

Post # 33
Member
24 posts
Newbee

Did he mention why marriage isn’t a high priority for him? 

Is he a last minute planner ? My husband didn’t really sound excited about our wedding plans until the date got closer  (we planned a year in advance)  then he would start helping out and coming to appointments with me. He likes to book last minute trips, appointments etc because it stresses him out. 

I would have another conversation with him to try to dig in further into his thoughts and reasons. If he proposed then should want to marry. Hopefully you two work something out! 

@

jojobeans777 :  

Post # 35
Member
1270 posts
Bumble bee

jojobeans777 :  with all due respect, I don’t think you need a crystal ball to read between the lines here…you even said yourself you think he’s stalling for time

Post # 36
Member
725 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Why would you wait around for a guy who actively leads you on and makes up excuses to stall for time? That’s not going to make a good husband. 

Post # 38
Member
3592 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

jojobeans777 :  I think it’s a pretty obvious no, you would not be happy being indefinitely engaged. 

He has given every indication that he is putting off marrying for as long as possible, forever if he can. 

At this point, even if you’re able to push him to get a move on, why would you want to?

This isn’t him just hesitating or not quite prioritizing it the same way you do. He is actively avoiding making it happen . 

Post # 39
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Bee, it’s clear that you want to be married. Being eternally engaged is not your thing. This man does not want to marry you. The “crystal ball” is now in your court.

Post # 40
Member
5 posts
Newbee

If you both want something simple or not big for your wedding reception. you should try some of these simple ideas for your wedding.

Organize a small outdoor venue
keep the guest list small
keep the menu simple
keep the decoration simple

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