(Closed) Engaged, but waiting.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Haruyou:  hiya, I think that you’re very wise for waiting. And very smart for not wanting to get into debt for one day. You are trying to give yourselves the best start for a family and I applaud that. Means you can do so much more in the mean time. As for kids, they will happen when it feels right. In the mean time enjoy playing with the nieces and nephews, and relish in the fact that you can hand them back when they need “looking” after, like diapers changing, feeding, cleaning…. I think you’re very lucky to have a stable relationship. People probably envy you while you’re envying them.

Post # 4
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I totally get the baby envy! But you’re SO smart for waiting! They are SO stressful! You don’t need to be worrying about finances while worrying about your milk supply/reserves and when the colic is finally going away!


It’s going to be one of those thing TOTALLY worth the wait! Just like your wedding night!

Post # 6
1360 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I love bees who wait until their wedding night, I wanted to, really really really tried but totally caved lol You’re wedding and everything around it is going to be so very very very special and it is very smart of you to wait. I’m in the same boat as you are and it is so frustrating when people ask you when the wedding is going to be and you cant tell them! The date I have posted is the one I hope to be married in but its not for sure yet πŸ™ 

Post # 8
2755 posts
Sugar bee

I think you really need to stop thinking of it as “right” versus “wrong”. There’s a lot of judgement towards other people in your posts and I don’t really see WHY it’s necessary for you to say “x is doing it wrong” and then feel either smug or persecuted for choosing a different path. I met my SO almost 5 months ago. We already know we want to marry each other and spend the rest of our lives together. We’ll be engaged by the end of this year. And guess what? THAT’S OKAY. That’s doing it right. Because it’s right for us.


You are doing what’s right for you. What you’re doing is okay, what I’m doing is okay, what your friends are doing is okay. If it backfires on them, or if it works out perfectly – none of that should impact your life.


As for the babies thing… not really sure what you’re jealous about re: a 17-year-old with a 4-year-old child. That means she gave birth at THIRTEEN. I would be providing sympathy and extra support, not feeling jealous o_O


Post # 9
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Haruyou:  Honestly, maybe they should be jealous of you finishing school and trying to get your life in order. Why be jealous of someone who got pregnant at 13?

Post # 10
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MissCalifornia:  +1

I don’t see why you need to judge other people. I’ll have my degree, my SO will have his PhD from MIT, and guess what? WE’RE DOING IT “RIGHT” TOO. yeah, we have sex, yeah, we might have a baby before the actual wedding (doubtful, but if we decide to have a baby NOW who cares? that doesn’t mean we’re doing ANYTHING “wrong”). Why does a 17 year old with a 4 year old bother you? You’ll be married one day with kids of your own, and I sure as hell hope you don’t think your kids will be “better” because they weren’t born to an unwed teenager. 


Post # 11
314 posts
Helper bee

I am happy to hear you are waiting. Thats awesome. Dont be jealous of the others. Take this time to learn from others and their mistakes. You are merely learning, not judging. Be ause you are getting married and waiting doesnt mean you wont be in their shoes lol So be humble, wait, love your fiancee anf LEARN!!

Post # 12
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Haruyou:  First off, congrats on your engagement! You have a leg-up on many of us, very exciting πŸ™‚


No, I cannot at all on any level relate to the “baby envy”, as I don’t much care for the thought of having children….*but* I have found myself, too, envious of friends of ours who are at that stage in their life.  I think it’s more what it represents: the moving forward with someone special.

Post # 14
2755 posts
Sugar bee

@Haruyou:  Uh, because my SO and I have had a number of serious conversations about our future and know we want to get married to each other. We decided on a rough timeline of sometime after August but before November because he wants to introduce me as his future wife at Thanksgiving to extended family. Thus, I will be engaged by the end of 2013.

I don’t know when he’ll do it, I don’t know how, I don’t know what the ring looks like. So it’ll be, like, a surprise in that way. πŸ˜›

And to address how you can “truly” fall in love under 6 months, I agree that it doesn’t happen often but I have been in love before this relationship. I was previously in a 4.5-year relationship. The love and commitment and emotional intimacy in this relationship doesn’t even compare to what my ex and I had after years together.

My grandparents met in October 1956 and married two months later. They were in love then, they’re in love now. There is no right or wrong when it comes to the spectrum of human emotion that is love.

Post # 16
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Haruyou:  i think you are very smart for waiting.  how can anyone be jealous of a 17 year old with a 4 yr old?  i would be concerned more than anything.

trust me, i am sure that people are jealous that you are able to make the choices you can.  in a few years from now, you will be so happy that you made the choices you did. 

just enjoy and appreciate all that you have now and work towards a future with your fi.

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