Post # 1
My sister is older than me she’s 31 and I’m 27. She has suffered from depression for most of her life and she currently is not in a relationship. She puts alot of pressure on herself about the fact she is not married or with anyone cuz she wants to have kids really bad. She knows I’m engaged now (she’s returning from a cruise today) but I’m worried about her reaction. She gets more down when she sees how things are working out for me and I end up feeling guilty and like I need to hide my happiness from her. It’s really hard always having to walk on egg shells around her. She is her own worst enemy though as she doesn’t get out and try to meet anyone she just compares other peoples lives to her own and feels sorry for herself. I know this is part of what depression does but it makes it hard to be around her. I want her to be a bridesmaid but I worry that she will get even more down or even uninterested when it comes to being involved. My mum says that she is happy for me but that she just wishes her life was different. We try encouraging her to get out and about but she doesn’t and there’s only so much we can do if one isn’t willing to make changes in their life themself 🙁 when my fiance and i first started going out i would basically speNd most of my time at his place just so we werent ‘in her face’ and we are going to be looking for a place to buy this year so that will just be another thing she sees that she doesnt have that will get her down too as she lives at home. Anyone experienced something similar? I hate feeling guilty for just living my life 🙁
Post # 3
You sound like a wonderful sister to take into account her feelings when this is such an exciting time for you. Maybe hold off for a week or to on asking friends/fam to be bridesmaids. That way you can have some time around your sister and feel her out. Maybe having your Fiance express is happiness as having her as a sister will help too, make her realize her family is expanding too and try to over shadow some of the lonliness she’s feeling.
Congrats on your engagement!
Post # 4
I also think you’re an incredibly kind and thoughtful sister to take her feelings into consideration. It’s really hard to be over the top happy for someone when their life is what you wish your life was like. Thought I’m sure she’s happy that her little sister found love, I’m sure it’s hard for her since she hasn’t found someone yet.
I agree with nickles in giving her a bit of time before you ask about bridesmaids. And make sure you keep doing things one on one with her so she doesn’t feel like she’s losing you too. The best thing you can be for her right now is a support…especially if she’s battling depression but doesn’t really fully admit it yet.
Congratulations and hope everything works out! You deserve it for being so considerate!
Post # 5
I know what that’s like. My sister is… messed up, to say the least. She’s depressed, suffers from anxiety and an eating disorder but also just makes very bad decisions. She’s a very intelligent and beautiful woman, but she is self-destructive. Yes, she does have issues but at least 85% of her problems are caused by her own poor choices.
I always have to be careful around her. She was engaged before I was but it fell through, and now I can’t talk about my wedding around her without her saying something snarky to me. The slightest thing can set her off. I made her a Bridesmaid or Best Man but it’s been hard… I’m still worried she’s going to bail on me on my wedding day…
She’s always told me my whole life that I must not understand how horrible the world is because I am too happy a person. I think she is so miserable because she chooses to have an outlook like that. I really do not see how she grew up in the same home I did (she is only 2 years younger than me) and turned out so unstable and unhappy.
In the end, you can’t let your sister drag you down. Yes, you can do your best to be sensitive to her but that doesn’t mean your wedding can’t be as joyful as it should be. As long as you’re not rubbing it in her face maliciously, than you have no reason to feel guilty. I agree with PPs, give her a chance to settle in to the fact you are engaged before talking wedding plans and asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 6
@cuddlz88: Thanks everyone for the advice i will take it on board hopefully my sister can find her happiness soon and that the wedding wont be such a sensitive topic 🙂