Engaged, cheated twice… should I still marry him

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
3436 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

He has cheated on you multiple times. And he made PLANS to do so. He actively pursed a sexual encounter outside of your relationship before proposing to you, and followed through with it after proposing. He has no respect for you it your relationship. His mom having an emotional affair is no excuse for what he’s done. I couldn’t forgive it and I wouldn’t marry someone who did that. What happens the next time his mom does something he doesn’t like? You just continuously get cheated on? Dump him.

Post # 3
1630 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

No. Abosolutely not, no.

Post # 4
6635 posts
Bee Keeper

He’s a cheater. If you’re okay with marrying someone who will engage in sexual activities with paid sex workers or others then go ahead and marry him. If you’re not okay with it then this is not the man for you.

He’s shown you, more than once, who he is. He may love you, but not enough to not seek out other women. 

Post # 5
1273 posts
Bumble bee

The fact that you are asking shows you already know what you should do, but you are looking for a reason to stay. Don’t. You are worth more than this. 

Post # 6
7816 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Do you think there is hope? No. Your parter has repeatedly, PROACTIVELY sought out opportunities to cheat on you, with hookers. “Burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice, shame on ME.”

Am I being too sensitive and should I be more understanding? Understanding of what? That he has repeatedly made the conscious choice to betray you? No.

Do you think getting married is a good idea? Sure, if you’re okay with being cheated on for the rest of your life, of constantly living in a state of anxiety wondering when the next betrayal will happen. If you enjoy this cycle of getting cheated on, having your heart broken, “forgiving” your partner and comforting him while he waxes poetic about how hard it is to feel this much guilt, only to have him turn around and cheat on you again. If that sounds goood to you then yes, marry him. Otherwise no.

Does the experience with his mum justify what he did to me? No. Why would you think it would? He’s a grown man who needs to take responsibility for his own bad choices, not blame his mommy when he fucks up.

Post # 7
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

So glad you found out about this huge character issue before you married him. You, seeing what and who he is, are now informed. If you want to spend the rest if your life with a husband that you have to have use a condim so he doesn’t put your life in danger, it’s your choice. 

The ones you found out about are the top of the iceberg. His mothers actions may make him sad, but he should have the integrity to honor his word and stay committed to you. He doesn’t. 

I am so sorry you are going through this, but thank goodness you know before marrying him. Divorce is not fun. 

Post # 8
219 posts
Helper bee

If you do marry him you should just open up the marriage. 

1. Because at least then he won’t crush you when he sleeps with other women. No false expectations. No need to pretend you don’t know. Etc 

2. Get some hot, steamy, side action of your own. Fair is fair.

3. I’m betting he won’t cheat nearly as much if it’s not illicit. Part of the thrill of cheating is lying to you. (Isn’t that lovely?) Take that element out and I’m betting he won’t find it half as fun.

My bet, of course, is when you tell him you’d like it to be an open marriage he will be upset because the idea of you with another man is too upsetting and he wants to be able to lie to you.  I’m also gonna go ahead and assume you don’t really want an open marriage anyway, in the which case I’d just pass on him cus I prefer a spouse who doesn’t find it thrilling to humiliate me. 

Post # 9
4791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Yes, you should marry him. He sounds super. Prostitutes were his mom’s fault.

Post # 10
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - New England


(and don’t look back). 

Post # 11
2503 posts
Sugar bee

Read your own post – heck, just the title will do – and then consider what you would tell your best friend or your future child. 

Also consider that this is him on his best behavior. If this is what he does when engaged, what do you think he’ll do once you’re married? 

Post # 12
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I wouldn’t ever date someone much less marry someone who ever was with a prostitute or was so morally corrupt that they thought that was ok, on top of the actual cheating issue? No. That guy isn’t marriage material. Move on bee. rumilashams :  

Post # 13
4495 posts
Honey bee

He’s a 26 year old man-child who blames his mommy for him sticking his penis in prostitutes.

Sounds great!

It’s a shame that all this time in school no one there taught you to open your eyes and look around that talking to someone every day is like the bare minimum of human traits and doesn’t remotely begin to define “good person”.  And he moved to be with you and “refuses to let you go” as if it’s his choice only.  Yippee.  You found yourself a manipulative co-dependent serial cheater with zero coping mechanisms.  But at least he talks to you every day!

So, I guess get married if you like being cheated on and guilted into staying the rest of your life to care for this man-child.  Don’t if you don’t.

Post # 14
288 posts
Helper bee

I can’t even believe you’re asking this question.  LEAVE HIM.  He’s a disgusting POS that has no problem abusing women.  Buying and using a woman’s body is about as low as you can get.  Most prostitutes are abused and/or on drugs.  They could have very well been sexual slaves, there’s no way to know.  Your fiancé is garbage.  My parents also divorced due to cheating, but I manage not to purchase other people’s bodies for my own pleasure. 

Post # 15
2477 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

rumilashams :  girl I didn’t even read your post just the title. The answer is do not marry him, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Why would you want to marry someone who has cheated on you twice when you could be with someone who never has at all? You know, a good man. 

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