Engaged, cheated twice… should I still marry him

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
754 posts
Busy bee

 

Tell him that you don’t want to get married to him but………….. want to keep him on the hook because you are upset too about his mom’s behaviour as a fellow female and so you have taken it personally and feel the need to have prostitutes of your own time to time.

Because that’s exactly what he is doing to you. And then see what he says.

And if that reasoning seems f**ked up to you, well then, you just answered ALL your questions at once.

Post # 47
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m just as disturbed by his supposed reason for cheating as the cheating itself. What grown man responds this way to their mother’s infidelity? I’d suspect he has an extremely unhealthy relationship with his mom. Run. You are not responsible for his happiness. You can find someone who will love you without all the dysfunction. 

Post # 48
Hostess
3831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

What did I just read??

My Dad had an affair.  It was devastating, but you know what?  It just made me even more committed to NEVER inflict that kind of pain on my D.H.  Your F.I. is a manipulative asshole who is putting your health at risk. 

Post # 49
Member
3038 posts
Sugar bee

rumilashams :  Nothing justifies what he did to you, most especially the stuff with his mom. 

Honestly, its really creepy to me that something happens with his mom and he runs to prostitutes. This should be a thread on its own but gives me the heebie jeebies – no one should be that sexually affected by their MOTHER. 

You should not go forward with this marriage. One time could be a mistake, two times (one pre planned!) is a habit. 

 

Post # 50
Member
6147 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

So what I think I hear you saying is, you are thinking of spiritually and legally binding yourself to someone who repeatedly violates relationship agreements because you are worried about what might happen to him if you dump him like you want to do.

Post # 51
Member
835 posts
Busy bee

At 26 years old, you are in the PRIME of your life! Probably the best physical/mental/sexual state you will ever be in, please don’t waste another moment on this absolute waste of a man. Has sex with hookers because he’s mad at his mom? Come on!! To be honest, the relationship with his mom concerns me more than the hookers! Believe me when I say – at 26 years old you have SO many years ahead of you to date, find a good man, have kids (or not). No one would choose this for themselves, their friends, family, daughter…..why is this ok for you? Because he pays you a little attention each day?  Don’t waste a single second on this guy…let him have all the hookers and mommy moments he wants. Find a real man.

Post # 52
Hostess
3860 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

My mom has done some incredibly shitty stuff in my lifetime. And I have never ONCE had sex with a prostitute. One does not lead to the other. 

 

Dump him. 

Post # 53
Member
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

the fact that you stayed with him after the first hooker is ridiculous. If you want him to work on bettering himself, then great, but help him work on himself while single and being just friends. Love tends to make you put up with some crazy sh*t. But hookers would be the end of the road for me no matter how long of a relationship. 

Post # 54
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

It seems like you’re staying with him out of pity. Don’t. A marriage built on guilt will fall apart anyway.

A lot of people go through infidelity in their relationships and come out the other side and are able to move on with the same partner and build a stronger relationship because they use the betrayal as a way to see the cracks in their relationship and repair them. You should know, you were one of these people. But then he broke your trust again. In breaking your trust again, he showed you that this wasn’t a one time thing that the two of you had healed from together. This was a character flaw of his. This is who he is. And that’s not who you thought he was when you agreed to marry him. That love you had for him is gone, because the man you thought he was never existed. That’s a big thing to deal with and get past. And you will, with time. But don’t marry him. You’re not doing either of you any favors if you do. Him having put effort into your relationship in the past doesn’t make him cheating on you okay.

Post # 55
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I didn’t read your post.  But I did read the title, and from that alone the answer is “no.”  Boy bye.

Post # 56
Member
1516 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

No. Break up with him. He will just continue to do this to you. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but apparently every couple of years at least. More if he thinks you will forgive him. 

Post # 57
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

My father cheated on my mother and flat-left us when I was child. 

There is no way in HELL I’d ever cause that pain to someone else. 

His sexual response to his mother’s behavior is WEIRD AND CREEPY AF. There is something deeply wrong with him. 

He doesn’t deserve any of your understanding or sympathy. You deserve someone so much better. 

Like others have said, please get checked for STIs. 

Post # 58
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

Not only is he putting your health at risk but he’s a cheater so no don’t marry this jerk. 

RUN! 

Get checked for STI’s also.

Post # 59
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Any man who BUYS WOMEN is a piece of trash and has little moral fiber. Then add the fact that he is putting your health at risk? Dump him. 

Post # 60
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

I will say this because it was something I once needed to hear myself. You do not owe this man anything, you don’t owe him to see him through “becoming a better man”, you don’t need to stay with him out of guilt if he is “changing”, you do not owe him moving past him cheating twice. You do not owe him jack shit. You can leave, you should leave and you should not think twice about doing so. It will get easier, I promise. He won’t be a blimp on your radar. You deserve better 

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