Post # 1
So I’m recently engaged which came as total surprise! We have a great relationship, but there is one area involving our intimacy that has me concerned.
Fiance is not circumcised and seems to have some issue’s as a result. Last year he saw a urologist who removed his frenulum (part of the foreskin) so that he could pull back his foreskin for hygeine. Issue number 1 lies here… the hygeine aspect. He has had 2 UTI’s in the past year and I have had one which I feel is related to his foreskin.
Issue 2 for me goes on a bit of personal agenda, appearance wise I cant say that I find it attractive… I’m trying to be honest and not sound shallow…. Its not what I’m used to… In terms of actual physical contact.. I dont like the feel. Its Mushy and loose i think its uncomfortable during sex. Period. I have enjoyed sex with circumcised ex’s but this just feels the opposite of good.
Issue 3 he has found sex to be painful from his foreskin hurting. He is also very over sensitive with his foreskin pulled back. We cannot have sex with it pulled back and if i’m manually pleasing him, and it pulls back …he finishes in that very moment.
I genuinely love him. We’ve dated for years….but only saw eachother mainly on weekends until more recently when we moved in together before christmas. Its not a deal breaker, I dont want to sound shallow….but comparing this experience to other experiences I would prefer for him to get circumcised.
What do you all think? I dont want to get jumped on for this.
Post # 3
@AlexaN: have you had the discussion with FI? Is he open to it?
Post # 4
my Fiance isn’t circumsized either, and we joke it looks like a turtle coming out of its shell LOL, but i know what you means its aesthetically different looking. I’m not sure why he finishes so fast when its pulled back, when my Fiance gets hard the skin naturally moves itself back. hygiene wise tho, yes he needs to take extra care to clean himself. lol hey its true! my Fiance is really good about cleaning, we love baby wipes!! intimacy wise, it takes getting used to for sure, as it really does feel different. I’d say you just gotta spend some time exploring different ways to work it 😉
ETA: i don’t think u should have “and have a crappy sex life” in your poll. lol
Post # 4
I would say suggest it. I know someone who had it done later in life, and it worked out well.
Post # 4
I would not suggest him getting circumcised. 1) this is such a painful thing to go through as an adult. 2) if you said it is overly sensitive if it’s pulled back then getting circumcised and being exposed all the time could be very painful for him.
If he suggests it I would be supportive but it’s his body and I would not suggest something like that. You could really hurt him by bringing this up and make him very self conscious.
Post # 5
I think if the foreskin is pulled back more, he’ll get used to it being exposed and it won’t be as sensitive. This is while baby boys pee when u change their diapers, exposure to air stimulates them!
Post # 6
I was around for the frenulum removal, and the UTI’s so from the medical aspect I have been very involved with whats going on and obviously concerned. He knows he is the only uncircumcised partner I have ever had, and I have told him I have never heard of these kinds of medical issue’s from circumcised partners in the past.
He has also asked which was “better”… I didnt want to lie, I tried to keep it neutral, but said for hygeine that circumcised was better. I have suggested it as “maybe being a good idea” but have never sat him down with the “Ok we need to talk” approach. I dont want to hurt him by telling him that I dont exactly enjoy the foreskin pleasure wise…..
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2012 - Prairie Production- Chicago (loft)
My ex was not…and my Fiance is. I prefer it gone too. The sensitivity level is lower and he is able to be touched without getting too excited. I also prefer pleasing him more than the last one becasue of the whole hygeine reason. What a difference.
If you are gonna get married- you should be able to talk about anything. I suggest you bring it up during a non sexual moment and discuss why you think he should have the procedure- focusing on the medical benefits and not bringing how you feel about the acual appearance/feel of it (unless he askes).
This way it will not seem you want it done becasue it grosses you out- but rather it should improve his own experiences in bed- and help out with the whole UTI situation. I think you should mention that you want his experiences to be as good as yours (that way he knows hes still doing something right).
Do your best not to compare him to others- but look at the pros and cons of this procedure for HIM.
Post # 8
@AlexaN: That is a tough one, is he open to having a circumcision? …Im not even sure if that would help!
I’m a little disturbed with the UTI situation, I have to ask it, but does he wash himself throughly everyday? I only ask because my Fiance is too uncircumcized (and I looove it) and I’ve only had roughly two UTIs since we’ve been dating (which is so few compared to the 239483797 I got when dating others). Fiance sweats a lot and gets pretty dirty, he’s a mechanic and has yet to experience a UTI. Please don’t think I’m blaming the UTIs on his hygiene, as everyone is different and bacteria up the urthera can be a bitch, but maybe changing soap and cleaning everyday could improve it.
He should check with his doctor about he foreskin pain…because thats not natural.
Also perhaps you two can try to do more things more often with his foreskin pulled back so he can build up a ‘tolerance’ so to speak and maybe be able to last longer with it pulled back. Also having it pulled back makes it appear to be “normal” (eg circumsized).
Post # 9
just so you know, this is not normally the case with uncircumcized guys… he has a specific issue, I forget the technical name.
I personally preferred the uncut versions! I am confused why it would interfere with your sex life. normally, when a guy is fully erect, the foreskin naturally pulls back. what’s worrisome is the pain he experiences, and your lack of pleasure!
anyway, you need to get medical advice so you can both avoid UTIs.
but under no circumstances should you settle and marry a guy with whom you have a “crappy sex life”!!!
Post # 10
Yes it does take a while to get used to the feeling of the foreskin during sex, I really do not like that feeling…cringe… I think he is so sensitive because before the frenulum removal his foreskin only went 3/4 of the way back due to tightness…. now that it can go all the way back he is very sensitive and doesnt want it pulled back.
I know some people say they look the same erect Circumsized vs Uncircumsized…. but I dont think that covers everyone. FI’s foreskin does not pull back on its on when its aroused, and the times that I have pulled it back… it definately does not look the same as circumcised… there is a TON of skin bunchedd up behind the head…. it just doesnt look right
Post # 11
This is a really tough situation to broach. Men are so sensitive about that area! I’m on the fence about a few things. Considering the issue’s he’s had I am assuming he shares these with you? If he’s open about the pain etc… I don’t think it’s out of line to ask if he as ever considered it and you wonder if it might solve some of the issues he’s having. On the other hand I would not suggest suggesting that because you find it unattractive, I really think that is one of those things you have to learn to love about him, we all have to accept our partners quirks which includes their body.
The other issue I am wondering about, is do you think you can have a full happy life with this man if you have issues sexually, and how will you overcome them? Don’t get me wrong, I fully realize sex and intimacy are not the only things in life that make people happy . If it was I would have more sex ;). however I do know that intimacy and being satisfied with your partner is an important part of a good relationship. So like I said this is a difficult subject. And i hope you get some insight here and it works out!
I WOULD say though that he may be able to help prevent the UTI’s by what a PP said, and use baby wipes after sex and frequently, or some sort of cleaning cloth. UTI’s are caused by bacteria. Also, UTIs are not transmitted between partners. I get one, I kid you not, EVERY TIME we have sex. I am just more sensitive than others but basically they are caused by the penis pushing bacteria back up your urethra (which is why you are supposed to pee after, to bring it back down). I take an antibiotic every time we have sex (as suggested by my Dr) and you having one, is completely normal. 🙂
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn
@mtnhoney: This is exactly what I was thinking. The foreskin is supposed to easily pull back during sex and so that he can clean himself. There’s definitely a medical issue here that should be addressed with a doctor.
Post # 12
@mtnhoney: but under no circumstances should you settle and marry a guy with whom you have a “crappy sex life”!!!
Post # 13
@AlexaN: I’m not sure you can avoid the ‘hurt him’ aspect if it comes up because you don’t prefer it. That will be disappointing, regardless. If you think it’s something he’d be willing to do, I don’t see why you wouldn’t bring it up… however, I think you should also realize he may not want to do it – therefore, I’d tread lightly with any sort of reasoning including your own satisfaction (because the last thing you want is for him to feel like he’s ‘less than’)…