(Closed) Engaged first means married first?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You are under no obligation to get married in the order that you got engaged.  If someone already has a date, it is not polite to choose that date (or that weekend). Your friend is being unreasonable.

Post # 4
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

There are tons of couples that got engaged after us and will marry before us. We’re having a long (22 month) engagement. There are no rules here. Obviously, I would not schedule a wedding 6 weeks before my sister’s (as an example), not so much because she should get married first if engaged first, but because it would make travel a logistical nightmare for our guests/family

Post # 5
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Thats like saying “we started dating first so you have to wait for us to be engaged first” totally not how i have seen things go down. i mean you just dont want to picks some thing super close to hers like a week or two before.

* some people obviously think like that though. my husband wanted to wait untill everyone already had theyre wedding before he even asked me cuz he thought he was letting them have their turn..well one of our friends put theirs off (like a year) and he waited still, till they had theirs. That blew. i though lol but it all worked out.

Post # 6
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

There are no rules for this. Get married when you want to get married! I agree with PP – don’t do it right around the time of the other wedding, as a courtesy to them. However, if you want to get married first – do it! They don’t have a monopoly on weddings. 😉

Post # 7
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

Any “Rules of Etiquette” that relate to a “polite timeframe” strictly relate to relatives… so a Sister, Brother, SIL, BIL… and in some instances a 1st Cousin.

The idea being that a lot of the same folks would be attending, paying for items (Travel, Gifts, whatnot) so it is considerate BOTH to the Guests, Family & The Bride to “leave a gap”

The closer the relative (example, Sister / SIL) then the longer the gap.  As a MINIUM the Rule of thumb is the one who got Engaged first, chooses their date, and then the other person chooses a “different season”

Beyond that…


Ummm, NO.

Everyone else, can get married whenever they choose do so.

If I read your post right, and this is your BFF’s Sister (not a relative), then you owe her NOTHING even if you guys have been close forever… OR even if either of you in each other’s Bridal Party.


Get on with the Wedding Plans.

Hope this helps,

PS… IF I somehow misunderstood the relationships, you can certainly post again and let me know


Post # 8
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

What a selfish b***h!!! Her not you! I’d say try and avoid it being close, but do it whenever the heck suits you 🙂

Post # 9
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I feel like we can get married pretty much whenever we want, except on her weekend (or maybe that month). – I agree with this!! 

Post # 10
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@This Time Round:  From my understanding the groom of the BFF’s sister is SnowInApril’s soon to be FI’s brother which would make this the weddings of sibilings.

Post # 11
288 posts
Helper bee

@SnowInApril:  I would say avoid their wedding month, but other than that she is being ridiculous. We are having a 23 month engagement so many of our friends got engaged after us and married before. 

One of my friends is getting married labor day weekend and her Maid/Matron of Honor insisted that since she and her bf had been dating longer, they needed to get married first. She essentially forced her now Fiance to propose and set the wedding date 3 weeks before hers (her wedding week, honeymoon, then her BFF’s wedding week where she is MOH). I feel that was a really rude and tacky move, so I would avoid that, but there is no reason to wait longer bc they got engaged first. 

Post # 12
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@This Time Round:  Agreed.

My Darling Husband and I got married first followed by my cousin several months later. They rushed their wedding and ended up choosing a date six weeks before ours. It was such a pain for everyone involved and don’t get me started on the unexpected added expenses. However, it never once bothered me that she was getting married first, totally irrelevant.

Considering the relationship you have with this person I would say continue to plan your wedding as you wish. I don’t see how your link to her is at all important when it comes to picking your date.

Post # 13
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@SnowInApril:  You can get married in whatever order you like!  If they’re having a bigger wedding, it makes sense that they have to take more time to plan and save, so if you’re planning elopement or a smaller wedding, you could probably put something together in 3 months!  I wouldn’t plan things too, too close together.  Allow for enought time for showers and bachelorette parties to be far enough apart, and the wedding of course! but that’s all I would really consider …. it’s not a competition, so they shouldn’t be upset … rather happy that there is so much love in the air!

Post # 14
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @Eckle: Lol, I’m glad you were able to follow all that… I got lost

But it sounds by your description (if you are right) that it is then Brother & Girlfriend, of the soon to be Fiance of @SnowInApril: 

In that case, they’d be a Brother and a Future SIL

And in that situation, then yes, it would be appropriate to wait.

And that gap could be up to a year, depending on things like… When is the Wedding, Where is the Wedding, Who is Paying, etc.

More info would make it easier to estimate an appropriate gap, but in the meantime as I said, the minimum should be 3 or 4 months (different season)

Hope this helps,


Post # 15
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@SnowInApril:  Nope, she’s crazy. Future Sister-In-Law and Future Brother-In-Law got engaged almost 4 months after Fiance and I did and they were married this March while Fiance and I are getting married in November. That being said, I held off on doing anything wedding related until after she got married, I wanted her to fully enjoy her time as a bride and there was plenty enough time for me to plan my wedding after hers (I literally started planning the week after her wedding.) 

Post # 16
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@SnowInApril:  I would wait until after. From what I got from your post, it’s your FI’s brother (future sister in law too). this would be putting his side of the family out. I don’t see the big deal in waiting a year as you aren’t even engaged yet. 


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