engaged guests..1 or 2 last names on envlp?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would stick with the formal here and go with both last names.

 

Post # 4
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mcp3x:  +1

We had engaged couples on our guest list and we were on engaged couple’s guestlists and we all did 2 last names.

Post # 5
Member
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would do 2 last names.  When the invite arrives they won’t be married yet…so it doesn’t really make much sense to me.

If someone sent that to me before I was married…I’d think they were confused or something Smile

Post # 6
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I got a Christmas card addressed to us both with his last name, and I was annoyed and borderline offended.  That’s not my last name!

Post # 7
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d wait to merge them. Especially if you’re sending it to her house its kinda weird. 

Post # 8
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

@bbridetobee:  Every guest deserves equal respect, of which the minimum is to invite them by their own name with an invitation sent to their own address, and with no implication that one of them is more welcome or more beloved than the other. Proper form would be to send each member of the couple his or her own invitation to his or her own address.

Making a point of sending joint invitations to “the one we are close to” or ordering their names with “the one we are close to first” makes the point quite clearly to the other member of the couple, that you don’t feel all that close to him. And that’s a not-very-hospitable message to send.

That being said, if for some reason you truly cannot send invitations to both guests, whether because you don’t have enough, or because you truly want to make it clear to the gentleman that you only want him for his fiancee’s sake and if they break up he should consider himself disinvited (you do see I am sure, reading that, why that is a hurtful message to send) then the least you can do is respect that they both have their own names, and use both names.

Post # 9
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Both last names. Also, I hyphenated after marriage, and it seriouslypisses me off when people only refer to me by my husband’s last name. Especially if i’m Facebook friends with them, haha. Or, god forbid, the horrible “Mrs. His First His Last”. Shudder. Some rules need to die. It is really, really presumptuous to assume the woman is changing her name, so best to just use the two last names.

Post # 10
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@aspasia475:  I think you read waaaaay too much into invite addressing rules. Whoa.

Post # 12
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

FI’s mom sends all our cards addressed as Mr. and Mrs. and I think it’s super sweet.  If it came from a friend I might be a little confused.

Post # 13
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you are sending out the Invites BEFORE they are married to one another… then their “current” names are the ones you should use.

If they live apart… one invite for each adult

If they live together, then you need to put both their names on the Invite

Ms. Jane Doe

Mr. John Brown

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 14
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I wouldm’t write the same last name unless they are actually married. My BFF is getting married 6 weeks after us, they do live together though, and their invite was addressed to each of them and their own last name.

Post # 15
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center

I’ve been wondering this, as we have 3 couples who will be getting married (in the four weeks preceeding our wedding!), but I think the PPs are right: they’ll receive the invites while they still have their maiden names, so I plan to address them to both of them on the envelope.  Plus I don’t know exactly what they each plan to do, if they even intend to change their names or not.  

Post # 16
Member
5662 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Interesting responses, most of our close friends including us got married last summer and most of us addressed everything as “the future mr and mrs smith”. It was fun, I guess it depends on the personalities of everyone 

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