(Closed) Engaged in the Age of Facebook

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4663 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I would definitely see it as a barometer.

But you get what you give too. So if you never comment on other ppl’s status or like their stuff, then it’s unfair to expect them to all comment on your updates too. to a point, but then coincidentally if its a holiday then ppl might just be busy and not at their computers.

Post # 4
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It sucks when there are no likes, but it isn’t necessarily a reflection of you or your relationship. In some cases, your privacy settings are so high that people can’t see the news. In other cases, your friends aren’t likely to press a button liking it, but will call to congratulate. Or people think it is a fake engagement because someone has a fake name for privacy purposes.

I’d be hurt with no likes, but I would feel the same way I do when my birthday rolls around– why is someone I haven’t seen in a decade wishing me well, but my fiance’s best man not?

Post # 5
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@lilsweetie:  I agree with this.

I also think it depends on how close you are to your friends on Facebook. If you only have 100 friends, but they are all family and people you see and talk to regularly, then I would expect a high percentage of them to comment and like your engagement status. But, if you have 500 friends, most of them being people you haven’t talked to or seen in years, then I wouldn’t be surprised if most of them don’t respond to your status. 

Post # 6
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

if you take facebook so seriously that you’re upset by or draw some sort of conclusion about the status of your life from the lack of “likes” or comments on your posts, you need to seriously re-evaluate what is important in life.

Post # 7
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m almost positive one of my old friends got married quickly after her ex of 7 years refused to get married so she could change her name on FB and he would see it.

It’s scary how much people use FB for some kind of personal satisfaction.  And I think if it has that big of an effect on your self esteem in a way, something needs to change or it needs to go altogether.

Post # 8
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think @lilsweetie:  is right on about you get what you give. I am not very active on FB, have chosen not to friend that many people just because I don’t want to get caught up in it. I can’t remember how many likes or comments my engagement announcement got, but I don’t really care.

If someone does care, then they should invest the time into making it a strong community that they participate in and where others feel invested in them. I’m not saying that isn’t the case, but I don’t think you can just lurk on Facebook watching what everyone else is doing and then the one time you post something, expect everyone to interact with you if you haven’t actively and continuously interacted with them. I think a lot of people use it just to keep tabs on others, judge people from their past, etc.

The other thing I will say is that Facebook has changed how people see others’ posts so much, I never assume that people just ignored me. I miss a LOT of posts from people that I would have liked to have seen just because FB didn’t put it in my newsfeed for some reason. I try to keep up with the changes and go and say “Show me all updates” and make sure I’m sorting by most recent, but it seems like those settings get undone all the time. So it’s very possible a post just didn’t show up to someone or they have eleventy billion friends and it got buried in the newsfeed or they were out of town for a week and didn’t go back and read through everything, etc etc etc.

In short – don’t take it personally. And if you do, then make sure your contributing to and interacting with others on Facebook so that someday they’ll do the same for you.

Post # 9
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

double post

Post # 10
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MrsWBS:  True!  Op, you also need to get off of FB if “likes” are that important.  It’s not relevant to real life relationships.

I read this on The Oatmeal and it struck me as very true for some people:  Life isn’t about having amazing experiences; it’s about making mediocre experiences look AWESOME on Facebook. 

Post # 11
Member
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

People focus too much on the “applause meter” of FB. FB defines every aspect of your life and relationship. It’s like if your SO doesn’t put he’s in a relationship with you, it isn’t official. Pretty ridiculous.

Honestly I could careless if I get 2 likes that I got married and 50 likes for the peanut butter banana ham sandwich I made.

Post # 12
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@OctBride-2012:  Agreed about the getting off fb thing. It’s easy to get caught up in it, but you need to come back to reality. I have a few friends that are constantly bitching to me about how annoying people are on facebook – you s hould not be getting annoyed by facebook! (yes, there are annoying people on there, but if it’s affecting you that strongly you need to block them/unfriend them/deactivate your account).

I take the braggers with a  grain of salt – 99% of the time, there life is a complete trainwreck and not the awesome one they’ve fabricated online.  

Post # 13
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

This is a very sad commentary on our society.  We are so caught up in how many followers on Twitter or how many friends on Facebook, that we have stopped placing as much value or importance on our actual relationships.  Is it so important that you get a comment or a “like” so that other people will see it and respond in kind, or because that particular person’s response was actually valued?  More often than not it’s not that you cared if “that” person commented, but that “a” person commented.  Focus on how you see yourself and the value you place on your life for you, not for anyone else, because that kind of attention is fleeting and meaningless.

Post # 14
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

First, OP, your post was written much like Carrie Bradshaw in SATC, and it made me smile!!

Now to comment on the subject matter…

FB, for me, is more annoying than informative.  Sure, I check it every day.  Sure, I have lots of friends from those I have met in my entire life, but out of that number, I think I see the same 30 people posting every day (seriously, one chick, my SO’s cousin had 6 posts within an hour of one another on my news feed!).  And usually, it something ridiculous, like their routine or these days, their thoughts on everything in this world!

I tend to scroll so fast to look for things a chronic non-poster adds (bc for me, if someone whom rarely posts is updating FB, they prolly have something they want the world to know!!) that I miss what my always posters state.  With that theory, then, I would say then that I would notice an engagement of lesser saavy FB socialite, then those that are…

I do not post on FB, statuses, etc.  If I choose to post my engagement, I would then not be upset if no one commented or liked!  By then, those in my life would hopefully have already called/texted/partied with us.  However, under my theory, I wonder if my announcement would be more ‘noticed’ because my name never pops up on their news feed?!

Post # 15
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Hmm, what I can add is that when I changed my relationship status to “engaged” I got a LOT of likes. Including plenty of people who I don’t talk to and don’t really communicate with. That was all well and good, and it was nice to see that people wanted to congratulate us. 

BUT the main thing that bothered me was that one of my really good friends from college, whom I roomed with for two years, and had lots of great memories with, never “liked” or commented on the change of status yet a bunch of random people like “Jose” from Economis 101 and “Mr. Johnson” from my old neighborhood did! Not only did she not acknowledge the change of status, but she never liked or commented on any of the pictures I posted from the engagement. Not the pictures of my ring, not the picture of Fiance on one knee, not the pictures of us posing together. None. And it’s not like she just never saw my stuff in her feed because she would comment and like plenty of other stuff I post (I rarely post). Just NEVER anything that in any way, shape, or form relates to my relationship with Fiance. Even in person when I saw a few of my friends, they were all trying to get a look at my ring and commenting on it and she looked at it with a look of disgust and never said a word. WEIRD!

Sorry for the rantiness, lol. But I said all that to say in terms of facebook likes and comments (that relate to engagements and big life events) I’m less concerned with the amount, and more concerned with who they are coming from. I actually deactivated my account for almost a year, & recently reactivated it, and the fact is still the same. She won’t comment on anything that has to do with Fiance but will comment on lame pictures I post. LOL, it doesn’t bother me as much as it did with the engagement but obviously I’ve gotten her point…she doesn’t care. Fine by me.

ETA: I wasn’t studying who had congratulated us, I actually realized her obvious lack of interest AFTER I was engaged and saw her in person a couple months later when she wouldn’t participate in the convo I was having with my other friends about the engagement. That’s when I noticed the FB thing & saw a pattern.

Post # 16
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@deetroitwhat:  That is ridiculous. My Future Sister-In-Law just got engaged and changed her FB name to her married name already. Jeez girl, slow your roll! The wedding isn’t for another ten months! I don’t think people realize how crazy it makes them look..

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