Engaged ladies – how long did it take him to propose?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
3450 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

From the time you were officially a couple, how long did it take him to propose? ~ 1st marriage = 2 months, 2nd marriage = 3 months, give or take a few days

Were finances an issue? ~ No

Did you have to gently nudge him or did he just go for it? ~ They both went for it. No nudging, timeline or marriage discussions prior to proposals.

If you had to basically announce that you feel it’s time – how long did it take after that? ~ N/A

At what point would you have been annoyed if he hadn’t? ~ Never. A healthy, happy and committed relationship was enough. 

Social media is not to be taken seriously and I definitely would not allow it to influence how I felt about the progression of my relationship. There are plenty of people living the life online while their real life relationships are falling apart.

Post # 17
Member
717 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m 27 he’s 34. We were together just under a year and a half when he proposed because he wanted to wait until I was finished school (I didn’t even know he was planning to propose). 

Did we have stable finances? Probably not but we knew we wanted to be together so it wasn’t an issue for us. He’s so much like my husband already in so many ways he often refers to me as his wife even if we aren’t married yet. 

Post # 18
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

Don’t have too much new advice other than what everyone else has said, but <1-1 year sounds perfectly reasonable. Hang in there! It will happen when you least expect it (or not lol), and if not by next August, time for a check in next summer. As for your questions, here goes: 

From the time you were officially a couple, how long did it take him to propose? 2 years. Would have been longer if I (and my parents) hadn’t expressed how important this was to me and also how long planning a wedding takes. So we compromised.

Were finances an issue?  
Mmm…they could have been better, but no not an issue exactly. We both had been working for 2 years, so that was enough for him to save up for a ring. The issue was more emotional and also he (ideally) wanted to wait until he finished his part-time Master’s program. But that would have taken years so we compromised.

Did you have to gently nudge him or did he just go for it? Definitely had to nudge lol, but it caused some friction between us so after a while I stopped having expectations, learned to trust him and it helped our relationship.

If you had to basically announce that you feel it’s time – how long did it take after that? 8 months.

At what point would you have been annoyed if he hadn’t? 2.5 years

 

Post # 19
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

From the time you were officially a couple, how long did it take him to propose? 
We got engaged after 5 1/2 years. We’re in our mid-twenties.

Were finances an issue?
Nope!

Did you have to gently nudge him or did he just go for it?
I brought it up a lot and we talked about it. Towards the end, I didn’t bring it up because I didn’t want to bother him.

If you had to basically announce that you feel it’s time – how long did it take after that?
We started talking about timelines around 4 years.

At what point would you have been annoyed if he hadn’t?
I was starting to get annoyed that it hadn’t happened around a year ago, so 4 1/2 years. It didn’t help seeing people get engaged on FB who were together for less time than us.

Post # 20
Member
427 posts
Helper bee

fairydust91 :  aww don’t worry about ppl. I just wanted to tell u how I handled those ppl. Pls don’t think I m bad, I did it all in a humorous playful way n his aunts would be after him πŸ˜›πŸ˜‚

Ppl: so are you guys engaged?

me: hahhaha he hasn’t asked yetπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Ppl to him: why? Why not? What are u waiting for …..

 

Ppl: so are you guys married ?

me: hahhaha I keep telling him but he hasn’t asked πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Ppl to him: why? Why not? What are u waiting for …..

 

We got engaged this February πŸ€—πŸ€— 

Post # 21
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

fairydust91 :  We were dating for 3 years and 4 months when he proposed at the ages of 29 (me) and 31. While he said finances were an issue and needed some time to save for a ring, he actually just told me that to throw me off. We discussed getting married in the future but I figured it would have at least been a year after the actual proposal date, which was great in a sense because I never felt the weight of waiting. Needless to say I hadn’t the slightest hint when it was coming.

Post # 22
Member
4549 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We got engaged on our 1 year anniversary. We were a little older, me being 31 and he 29. It might have been hastened slightly by him wanting us to move in together (he was buying a house, I was renting, and I needed to renew my lease for a year.) I had made the comment early on I would not co-habitate again with a male without being engaged, so it all happened quick. I will say we knew we were getting married at about the 3 month mark. It was obviously not a bad decision, as we are very happily married years later πŸ™‚ Finances weren’t an issue, and I probably would have given him another year happily before getting antsy.

Post # 23
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee

We got engaged a little over a year after our first date, at ages 27 and 30. We were exclusive from the beginning of our relationship and “official” about a month in. Finances weren’t an issue. We had plenty of talks about our future and I trusted he’d follow through, so I didn’t “nudge.” We talked about marriage from pretty early on in the relationship and agreed we were on the same page. I would have happily waited longer than I did, but I think I would have started to get impatient if I had to wait much beyond 2 or maybe 3 years at this point in our lives. FWIW, I totally agree with Tiffany – I don’t think you have anything to worry about. 

Post # 24
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2020

He knew I was the one but we wanted children first. Now he moved our wedding to 2020 or later. πŸ™ But at least he didn’t leave me.

Post # 26
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

From the time you were officially a couple, how long did it take him to propose? a year and 4 months

Were finances an issue? no

Did you have to gently nudge him or did he just go for it? I said I wanted to marry him and that he was welcomed to propose when he wanted. He told me he only wanted to get married in 5-7 years to throw me off.

If you had to basically announce that you feel it’s time – how long did it take after that? when I started talking about it, he already had the ring πŸ˜‰

At what point would you have been annoyed if he hadn’t? I don’t know exactly, but if he told me it was coming soon or that he gave me a timeframe, I’d wait for that to pass before getting annoyed.

Either way, if you think finances can be what is stopping him, I think I’d just make a quick statement like ” I don’t want to bug you with this, but just letting your know, you told me you’d propose winthin a year, but I’m feeling more than ready for it now so, if you’re waiting for budget questions, I don’t mind a cheaper ring with a lab diamond and I don’t mind a long engagement or a cheaper wedding. If you’re only waiting to make the proposal special and romantic, then by all mean, take the time you need”.  That way, if he’s really waiting for budget reasons, he knows he doesn’t have to and if he’s waiting for other reasons, he knows you understand.

 

And then stop talking about it. I’m not a guy, but I think it’d be hard for me to try to propose in a romantic way, to make it a surprise, if my gf was constently talking about it and asking when it would happen.

Post # 26
Member
6 posts
Newbee

SEVEN. LONG. YEARS.

1mzxfv

Haha, seriously, I just read your whole post aloud to my fiance over the phone (he’s at work) BECAUSE GIRL I COULD HAVE WRITTEN IT.

He proposed a couple months ago, a few weeks before my 27th birthday.  He’s 11 months older than I and we had our seven year anniversary earlier in the year – at which point I had a small mental breakdown over the lack of proposal (given we have spoken about getting married and having kids since day one and these ovaries ain’t getting any younger, baby!).  

We bought a house together not long ago and before that were living with my mum to save up, so I never wanted to get engaged then (because it would have felt like children playing at being adults to me).  But once we were out and in our own place, it was like Facebook decided all my targeted ads would be pregnancy tests and diamond dealers and f*cking wedding weight loss programs – mixed in with a constant stream of “I said yes! #luckiestgirlalive #blessed” posts (which I both judged for being tacky and resented for making the sound of my bullshit ‘woman-of-a-marriagable-age / fertility’ clock tick ever louDER IN MY EARS).  Seriously, who put that clock there?

Point being, it’s not your situation that’s setting your brain on fire right now and making you consider leaving the love of your life – your best friend and someone who absolutely adores you – if he doesn’t propose within a year, it’s the pressure you’re feeling from social media and those farrrrking questions that come at you daily and leave you feeling like you’ve been hit with little bullets.  (Like a kindly aunt who seems so harmless but you didn’t see the “So, when are you getting married?” PISTOL IN HER PURSE!)

Your partner is not feeling the same pressure.  Hard to believe you could be so in sync, yet be having such very different experiences right?  Direct quote from the feeonse’ on the phone just now: “I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been asked if we were getting married.”  When I threw my anniversary tantrum (not my finest moment), I could not believe that he seemed shocked – like, HOW could he not have predicted this??  But it’s so different for women and it really sucks.

Your last paragraph especially, speaks to how marriage is seen to legitimise the love you have, even though it sounds like your relationship is kick-arse already, so it’s not really for your benefit – it’s so the world will stop coming after you – and so you can stop imagining them wondering why you haven’t been upgraded from girlfriend to wife.

My advice would be this:

  • Try to remember that your relationship belongs to you and your boy, not everyone gets what you have, and that you don’t need to prove anything to the world (those who know you likely already know about your bond and are not waiting for you two to get married / judging you for not being “chosen” yet).  *Please read the word “chosen” with a hefty amount of feminist sarcasm.
  • Keep communicating with your partner – be open about how the questions from others make you feel pressured / bad / sad πŸ™
  • Let him know you’re not about spending all your money on a ring and a day.
  • When you do get engaged, don’t overthink the institution of marriage *or* research how historically fucked up it is *or* ponder how much of a woman’s social standing is determined by their attachment to a man.  Repeat after me: IT’S JUST A NICE DAY.  IT’S JUST A NICE DAY.
  • When you do get engaged, take a vow to never ask dating or single women when they’re going to get married or have kids!

Love to you. πŸ™‚

 

Post # 27
Member
43 posts
Newbee

 fairydust91 :  No Worries, Bee! He sounds like a great guy and you guys sound very much on the same page. My fiancé proposed to me after 3 years ( going on 4 ) of dating. The first year was a LDR, Then we moved in together and had a roommate. Once we become comfortable with our jobs and moved up the ladder a bit we moved out together to our own place and he proposed 6 months afterwards. We don’t have a definitive timeline where it comes to children, but I wanted to be married before or on our 5 year and he knew that and totally agreed with me. So October 2018 it is.

Post # 28
Member
5037 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

From the time you were officially a couple, how long did it take him to propose?

2 years and 10 months

Were finances an issue?

Finances will forever be an issue though it did not stall the proposal.  FI planned in advance.

Did you have to gently nudge him or did he just go for it?

Fiance was eager to take the next step.  

If you had to basically announce that you feel it’s time – how long did it take after that?

We mutually agreed at our 2 year anniversary that we wanted to proceed with an engagement.  5 months later the ring was purchased and another 5 months after that he proposed.

At what point would you have been annoyed if he hadn’t?

I’m not totally sure.  I hadn’t really felt ready to start a family until recently (we’ve been together now 4 years) so at this point if we hadn’t been engaged with plans to marry I’d be revisiting the idea and having some serious conversations with him.

Post # 29
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Just over 3 years… my friends used to send him little hints ( like playing Beyoncé’s Single ladies- put a ring on it, every time he was over to their house haha

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