Engaged/Married Bees who waited, did you feel calm after it finally happened?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
22 posts
Newbee

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catqueen92 :  We started seriously talking about getting married around the 2-year mark, went ring shopping probably 6 months later, and he proposed 8 months after that, so I waited well over a year and I was OVER IT by the end. I was so sure that I would never be able to get over the resentment that I felt, but honestly, I don’t feel it at all anymore. I am planning the wedding, but it doesn’t even occupy 50% of my time, so it’s not like I’m distracted by something, I just got over it after the engagement. 

We’re happily engaged and enjoying every second of it, so there is definitely hope!

Post # 17
Member
349 posts
Helper bee

I knew it was him about a month in, he knew it was me about 2 years in. But then I had to put my foot down about  years in, in his head he was alredy fully committed, “what else do you need” (with big wide eyes confused), men can be stupid sometimes. Once he noticed how important marriage was for me, it was for him as well. We got engaged, waited another year, offically planned the wedding in about 6 months (and no matter how laid back you want it, it’s stressful), and now we are the happiest people we can be. He says things are the same, but I can tell you they are not. A lot of things are softer now, things that would make us loose our cool no longer matter, it’s like a secret understanding that happened.

Post # 18
Member
414 posts
Helper bee

I think I waited a year. Got engaged after 2.5 years together. I don’t think I was that excited looking back and still not super excited about getting engaged. I get super overwhelmed planning a wedding especially being that I didn’t want one… lol. I think I associate it all with wedding and panic… I didn’t even feel like telling the whole world because I didn’t want to be pestered about wedding planning… and well. I so was!

Otherwise… I would say I am happy. I am super calm too (When I stop thinking about our wedding). I think for me the excitement comes after the wedding. I do get excited thinking about the honeymoon. Getting pregnant. Having kids… buying our next home. Creating our own traditions. I am just at peace that I am finally going down a great path after being hurt by so many people. Grateful too.

So yeah all sorts of feelings just not like bouncing off the walls excited?

Post # 19
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

We’ve been together 3 years and got engaged last month. Honestly, being engaged has made me feel more calm and less like I need to “control” things. I feel more secure in the relationship and happy that we’re taking this next step together, and those that are to follow. I think it strengthened our bond as a couple, as well.

Post # 20
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

I was waiting for two years and wasn’t excited when he finally proposed. I did feel a sense of relief, but the engagement didn’t magically erase the resentment I had been feeling. Time has helped though. As has therapy and my SO’s willingness to attend couples counseling with me. I am optimistic that continued time and effort from both of us will help us heal from the issues that arose during the pre-engagement. 

Our date is set for June 2020. The longish engagement was my preference based on venue availability. The length doesn’t bother me because I am actively involved in the planning and not waiting on him for anything. I don’t care much about many of the aspects of wedding planning, and I am going to resist being stressed out by any of them; at the same time, I’ve been taking my time and enjoying the few things I had been looking forward to. 

 

Post # 21
Member
17 posts
Newbee

My boyfriend ad I have been together 6 years . I’m the only one that has ever brought up marriage talk or kids . Now I dont think I will even be excited if a ring comes . I feel like dragging feet leads to resentment and insecurity  I wish people could just be honest from the start about how they really feel . 

Post # 22
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

We always talked about having a family and getting married but engagement talk didn’t happen until I brought it up last March (we were together 3 years at that point). We got engaged this past September, approximately a six month wait. We designed my ring together and once it was ordered I asked him to surprise me, my surprise came 2 months later. It was a BRUTAL two months but so worth the wait! And of course looking back I see how silly I was but we feel how we feel in the moment. It did help when I would remind myself that these were the last few weeks we would be boyfriend and girlfriend and I tried my best to focus on that special time because once we were engaged, we would always be engaged. I don’t regret being anxious because it is what it is. My only advice would be to remember how difficult planning “something special” is on your SO. I find that most partners don’t know what they’re doing when it comes to proposing, so be kind to the fact that they’re new to this too. Social media and society has really played up the romance of engagements and while it’s sweet and all (I am a hopeless romantic) the real world doesn’t really play out like that. It will happen before you know it! Goodluck waiting, it’s an exciting time! 

Post # 24
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

catqueen92 :  I totally get that, I felt the same way! I even had a break down in the middle of the 2 months because I knew the ring was in our house. Once it happened I did feel relief because I was holding back planning anything until it happened. 

Post # 26
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

I have anxiety disorder so this kind of colours my perception. I was thrilled we were engaged once it happened because we were going to be married but the wedding planning basically was giving me meltdowns because I was planning a wedding that my husband and my father both wanted badly and I just wanted to elope and not do all the formal wedding stuff. 

I knew my husband and i couldn’t afford more than going to the courthouse ourselves, and that dad couldn’t afford an expensive affair so I was going crazy trying to make things nice for my guests but not so expensive as to leave my dad with a bunch of debt. Luckily I have a supportive husband so he took over almost half of it for me when he realized how much it was bothering me. That helped a little bit but I just couldn’t really feel happy and not super stressed about it until after my wedding was over. Then I did actually feel some calm about all of it finally. Prior to that though? Nah.

Post # 27
Member
764 posts
Busy bee

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ladyspectrum :  How long did you” wait”? From when you first started waiting, and even when you stopped waiting, to the time you got engaged.

Post # 28
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2021 - City, State

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ladama :  I waited for about a year or two after graduating college even though I knew it wasn’t a good time to get married but I still really wanted marriage and I really hated that where my life was now that I wasn’t ready, then I eventually just stopped waiting and sort of accepted what I had now and then he proposed to me when I was certain it wasn’t going to be until at least a year or so out. 

Post # 29
Member
764 posts
Busy bee

So crazy that a lot of women on here show or have felt resenment towards their bfs, Fiances or husbands. Its the waiting that kills everyone. Im currently in that stage. We have been seriously talking about it and he drops so many hints, but its just a matter of taking that step, and once we do, itll be a ‘relief’ as everyone seems to say.

Post # 30
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: USA

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catqueen92 :  I felt so relieved. I had to wait like two months longer than expected because of logistic problems getting the ring (which I had no idea about at the time) so I felt like I could finally relax once it happened. 

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