(Closed) engaged second wedding first

posted 8 years ago in August 2010
Post # 3
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think that you should have to put off your wedding either a) until a later month, which you don’t want, or b) for an entire year, just because others are jealous. Just make sure that you’re supportive of the other happy couple! It’s not like you’re scheduling your wedding for their exact date–now that would be rude!

If it’s really causing a rift in the family, though, you should think about whether the date is more important to you than avoiding conflict.

Post # 4
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

This is always a hot topic.  I think it’s fine to schedule your wedding before theirs, just make sure that it allows enough time in between in case people have to travel (generally about two weeks or more).  As long as you talk to them about their plans, and make sure that you don’t decide on the same details as they have planned (like colors, your dress, decor, etc) then I don’t see what the big deal is.  You get a wedding DAY not a wedding SEASON.  Go for the fall!  I completely see how that would be the best for you and your Fiance and it’s not fair that you would have to wait a whole year.

Post # 5
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Speaking from experience, please at least put a few weeks between the two weddings (like the last weekend in August for you guys and the first weekend in September for them… not so good).  My Fiance proposed Dec. 25, 2008 and we set the date (July 3, 2010) pretty soon thereafter.  My FI’s brother proposed around Christmas (2009) to his Girlfriend and they are getting married 4 days after us!  And we just found out that FI’s cousin is getting married just a few weeks after that.  So there are basically 3 weddings in 1 1/2 months.  It’s a lot at times – there are relatives who committed to coming to our wedding but can’t go to all of the other ones (OOT guests) and then there are people who aren’t coming to our wedding, etc etc.  

 

We have tried to be really positive about everything and be supportive of the other weddings, but it’s hard at times, especially when you hear that guests are coming to one wedding and not the other, etc. 

 

If it’s a huge family problem, I would really think long and hard if you want to do this.  I know that close weddings have caused some tension (that doesn’t go away) from my experience.  I know you said you wanted a summer wedding, but what about over Christmas break?  Or perhaps early (June) summer 2011?  It wouldn’t be a full year away then.  These are just thoughts…

Edit: we’re also having issues finding the best time to go on a honeymoon due to everyone else’s wedding all of a sudden!!  Very frustrating.  

Post # 7
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Two months is absolutely reasonable, In My Humble Opinion. The whole year isn’t theirs! The problem is when it’s only a week or two apart. 

Post # 8
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I think the idea that getting engaged first means you get to be married first, and that you get to be offended if anyone engaged after you get married before you, is totally ludicrous.  Who. Cares.  You’re getting married TWO MONTHS before them, so you’re not stepping on any toes, and you’re doing what’s best for you, not trying to “beat them to the punch” so to speak.  People get a wedding DAY–and if they’re family and there are overlapping guests, they might get a few weeks buffer so that guests can travel to both weddings.  But that’s it.  You do what works for you, and lots of congratulations on your wedding!

Post # 9
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think 2 months is plenty of time between the weddings!  

 

If his mother is still upset, I would still down with her (or have your Fiance talk to her or both of you) about what she is most concerned about.  We’re they hoping to help financially and now with 2 weddings, it’s a lot at once… Is she concerned about all the planning.  Etc. etc.  After you figure that out, I would try to come up with a concrete list of things that you are hoping she can help with.  I think that having a open conversation with her might help to ease her concerns.

 

Good luck wedding planning!!

Post # 10
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It’s a tough situation but in the end you have to do what’s best for you. I feel the same way kind of cuz my best friend was already signed up for 3 weddings before I asked her to be my maid. The thing is my and my Fiance have been together for 6 years…..I am not into the whole 2 year engagement thing and August is perfect. Other people wanted us to wait also (my rents) so they could plan but I’m tired on waiting, it’s my day right 🙂

Post # 11
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

As long as the weddings aren’t the same weekend who cares!  You shouldn’t have to plan your wedding around what other people want!  As long as they don’t have to choose which wedding to go to I say what the heck!  Have your wedding whenever you want!  Two months is plenty of time in between!  Good Luck!!

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Is August “the fall”?! Cuz if they’re getting married in the fall–september/octover/november, what’s wrong with August? You guys are teachers–obviously there are time constraints.

I think they’re all being divas about it. I just don’t see why it’s a big deal! 2 months is PLENTY of time

Post # 13
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Is his mother contributing financially to the wedding?

This is the only problem I can forsee.  Fiance and I got engaged in March 2008 and planned our wedding for June 2010.  His brother got engaged in December 2008 and planned theirs for October 2010.  His parents have struggled a bit because they’re trying to contribute financially to both of our weddings.

Post # 14
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My FI’s brother did this to us.  We were together for a year and a half and got engaged last August.  FI’s younger brother who had been dating his gf for about 7 months got engaged a couple weeks after us.  We had already established our wedding date and they scheduled theirs for about 7 weeks prior to ours.  Initially FI felt like they were kind of stealing our thunder, but it is what it is.  It actually never bothered me since we will have enough time between the two weddings.  That date worked the best for them, so we are just going along with it.   Also, they are getting no financial support for the wedding and have to pay for it themselves, which also made them need to schedule it for a cheaper time.  We don’t have this issue and because of this makes me even more understanding of their situation.  Fiance still isn’t thrilled, but I think he has let it go.

Post # 15
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

As long as their are a few weeks in between your two weddings, I think things will be fine in the end.  Your wedding isn’t in the same month as theirs and you obviously need to have your wedding when you do to make it easier on your personal work schedules. 

Post # 16
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Teachers just HAVE to get married in the summer.  Then your anniversary is in the summer, etc.  Just make it as early summer as possible and tell them to stuff it J/K. 

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