Engaged since early 2019 but my fiance won’t set a wedding date

posted 6 months ago in Waiting
Post # 406
Member
3923 posts
Honey bee

He doesn’t want to change, OP. Him telling you to be more ambitious in your career is so that you have something to focus on other than him. I’m sorry, but someone who doesn’t actually acknowledge your feelings on his work/life balance, is not interested in changing and just wants you to find a way to get over it. It’s quite obvious you don’t feel comfortable asking him the hard questions, as every conversation you have with him leaves you with more questions and confusion. Why is that? Because you’re afraid he’ll get mad or admit he would rather put himself first? I think he’s already made it clear that he wants to put himself first no matter how much he claims to want marriage or you. You’re really better off finding someone with the same life goals. You can love someone and want to be with them, but not be compatible. It sucks, but it happens.

Post # 407
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

OP, if you are not ready to break up with him today, I actually support that, as I think you have other fish to fry first, namely, your finances. I would gather up all your documents on the mortgage (application, number of payments made, proof of your contributions to both the down payment and the monthly mortgage payments) and go see an attorney as soon as possible. Find out what your options are first, if he does not want to buy you out or will not allow you to buy him out. The complication is, you are more motivated to untangle finances than he is, which may cause him to deliberately drag his feet, either out of spite, or to finagle a better financial position for himself. Once you know what you can do, then you have a stronger position when you do break up with him.

 

Then I would encourage you to tell someone in your life what your plan is. This will make it harder for you to stay stagnant in this relationship. It seems pretty likely you are overwhelmed with the prospect of moving on and you need something to force your hand.

Post # 408
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee

He’s told you 10 different ways that you are a rebound and he regretted moving so quickly. There isn’t even interpretation left, he’s straight up used his words and you’re still not wanting to listen =\

Post # 408
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee

He’s told you 10 different ways that you are a rebound and he regretted moving so quickly. There isn’t even interpretation left, he’s straight up used his words and you’re still not wanting to listen =\

Post # 410
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
@Cheekie0077:  Been reading this thread today, and just saw this post. While it’s awful that you went through what you did, why are you expecting someone to be considering what happened to you in a thread that has nothing to do with you? Also, calling them names is really immature.

Post # 411
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

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@Cheekie0077:  Your post attacking and insulting one of those bees is one of the major reasons that one of those bees is thinking of leaving this forum. I hope you are proud of your bullying. 

  • This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by alexandrite.
Post # 412
Member
3330 posts
Sugar bee

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@alexandrite:  there’s a lot of bullies on WB and nothing ever happens to them.

Post # 413
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

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@mrsaime:  You’re right and this bee Cheekie0077 took nastiness and bullying to a new level.

Post # 414
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2021

I think couple’s counseling may be a good option.  Men are not good with their feelings and he may not know what he wants.  So the counseling is a good way to see “if” he’s “ready” and really “desires” to be married.  If not, you can force him.  That would ruin evreything.  I think you both need answers and counseling is a great way to get at the core of any issues.  The truth hurts, but it’s best to take on this option so that if and when you both “do” marry, you will both be in love, ready and looking forward to a bright and happy future together.

Post # 416
Member
2001 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

View original reply
@lotuss:  why would you want to marry someone who has such a low opinion of you? And if you know this is what he thinks about you, what makes you think he’d want to marry you? 

A relationship needs mutual respect to work. He doesn’t respect you, and you don’t seem to have much respect for yourself. Waiting for never coming commitment is probably hurting your self esteem

Post # 417
Member
3330 posts
Sugar bee

So why are you still with him? Why after 2 months are you still posting here trying to get sympathy when you haven’t taken anyone’s advice? It’s clear you’re going to stay with him. Just close the thread, OP. There’s no point to keep it open.

Post # 420
Member
3076 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

 

I assume the OP wants children. I’ve skimmed 3/4 of the posts here and didn’t see that mentioned, tho.

My real concern is this: why would the OP want a father for her kids who so clearly will work all the time and have very little time for his children? Why does that sound like a good idea?If she think she’s begging for his time and attention now, wait until she has a house full of children. He will allow her to have his kids to pacify her and get her office back. He won’t help with them.

There’s nothing wrong with men or women who are consumed by their career when they’re young because at that age that kind of stuff can be fascinating. But that kind of attitude doesn’t build a stable family life with involve parents.

If  I was  interested in reproducing, I would want the father of my children to you have a better balance of work and home life.p than this guy has.

  • This reply was modified 3 months ago by .
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