(Closed) Engaged The Same Time As Your Sister?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
358 posts
Helper bee

Neither my sister or I are engaged yet, but both of our SOs have timelines by the end of the year and it is looking like our weddings will likely be just a month or so apart (if everything goes as planned). Thankfully, we will not have to worry about our family spending much money because we will both be paying for everything ourselves. However, we are looking forward to planning with each other. We both have very different views for how we picture our day so I don’t think we will have too much compromising to do. It should be fun. 🙂

Post # 3
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I had been dating my now Fiance for over three years when my older brother got engaged to his girlfriend of one year. My Fiance proposed 8 months later, and now we are both engaged. It has been tough. we have a large family and we tried to space the weddings apart since 90% of people will have to travel to attend. We ended up with a 3 month gap. I’m getting married in May and him in August. Not ideal but it’s hard when you live in the Midwest and have to schedule around inclement weather.

other challenges: brother is having a big fancy engagement party with his Fiance next weekend. No engagement party for me and Fiance since we didn’t think anyone would attend ours after traveling for his. the financial burden on my parents is kind of an issue as well. They’re paying for their party as well as both of our large formal Indian weddings. They are well off and are happy to pay, but they did mention that they will be skipping going on vacation this year because of the time and money burden.

from a personal level, I’m trying to stay positive and be happy that both my bro and I found love. But it can be hard to share the spot light, and I am really nervous that people will compare our weddings so it’s extra pressure to make mine different and memorable. 

Post # 4
Member
619 posts
Busy bee

I was engaged the same time as my brother (wedding 8 weeks apart) and 5 of DH’s cousins and 1 of my cousins. 2013/2014 were crazy and awesome. Honestly, no one cares as much about your wedding as you do. It seems like a burden to large families, but we found that everyone was happy to celebrate everyone. Actually, DH’s family is bummed that there aren’t any weddings in 2015! 

Enjoy the engagement and weddings. Have fun planning with your sister and mom, if she is involved!

Post # 5
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

My sister and I got engaged within six months of each other, and we also had our weddings within six months of each other.  We ended up with the same photographer, the same limo driver- our venues were even the same!  We found that the seasons really helped keep our weddings unique and different- one summer wedding and one winter wedding- and our family members were more than happy to support both of us through all the events.  Though we are fortunate to have all of our family members close by, so nobody had to travel far for either wedding.

Honestly, there were moments of feeling like things were too similar or pressure to do things “better” than one another, but in general the process was smooth.  We were also each other’s maid-of-honour, so that helped too.  We just immersed ourselves in weddings for a year.  :p

 

ETA:  I suggested visiting bridal fairs together.  You get to be excited about weddings, but you can also split up and look at separate vendors, etc.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  .
Post # 6
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I was engaged the same time as my stepsister (she got engaged 3 months before me). Her wedding was in July and mine was in September. I loved being engaged at the same time because there was someone to talk with wedding stuff about. Also, we have very different tastes so I never felt like we were competing for ideas or attention. However, I have to selfishly admit that I was happy to have my wedding after hers since once her wedding was over, the attention mostly focused on mine. Plus, I learned a lot from her wedding (we were bridesmaids in each other’s weddings). 

Post # 7
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My sister got engaged in…October 2014? and I got engaged Christmas Eve 2014 – only 2 months apart. She’s getting married next weekend (SO EXCITED) and I’m getting married on October 25th – 5 months apart. Neither of us have had a problem as far as I know. My philosophy has been, “If we’re looking at similar venues/styles/colors – clearly we have good taste!” Doing some things together bus separate was fun – we both went dress shopping around the same time so that was exciting, we shared ideas about where to get invitations, we swapped resources like the website “thumbtack.” We don’t live in the same city so it’s largely been long distance.

I think the biggest challenge is that I’m a HUGE planner, and yet have the worst luck and things always seem to not work out (lol!) while she is not a planner AT ALL, and yet always seems to have everything work out perfectly anyway. It’s actually quite amusing how that works out so consistently.

The reason it’s been hard is that I want to plan, plan, plan, and she doesn’t… so my mom’s been in charge of her wedding stuff to a large degree. And I’ve been trying to talk about my stuff as little as possible so as not to steel her thunder (even though she’s told me she doesn’t care and wants to be involved 🙂 it just doesn’t feel right), and I’ve also been hesitant to involve my mom right now because she has SO MUCH to do. I’ve had her pick up a few things or receive some stuff I had shipped to her house…. also she’s come with me to all my dress related stuff so far. But it’s mostly been hard to find the sweet spot of keeping people informed/involved without overloading them or overshadowing them.

Post # 8
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee

Avena:  

No but it is probably going to happen. My little brother actually proposed to his Fiance friday at Disney World. It was very beautiful and I am so excited for them. However in the back of my head I am a little nervous because I know my SO plans on proposing in the next few months. I don’t think it’ll be an issue but of course I don’t want to accidentaly step on any toes. 

Post # 9
Member
7018 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

My cousin and I are engaged at the same time, but she lives nearish our family and I live a 14 hour drive away. her wedding is large with 250 people, mine is intimate with 35. Hers is local, mine is domestic destination. The only time I’ll be home while I’m engaged will be for her wedding, so I won’t be having a bridal shower to avoid conflict. My wedding is also a month following hers.  I don’t mind any of this. My Fiance and I are low key people, and it’s no one’s fault but my own for short-changing the events for my wedding.

Her and I do talk about our wedding planning a bit, but it’s mostly her venting and me relieved that I chose not to go that route, lol. Her and her Fiance are invited to my wedding, because she was my closest cousin out of 35 growing up.

Post # 10
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

My soon to be brother in law is getting married 3 weekends before us. He lives in Ohio, we live in South Carolina, and all of us are originally from Michigan. I am not sure how they feel but my Fiance and I don’t really care much since we have our own separate lives. Also, they both have better paying jobs and definitely more expensive taste. They are having a 250 person reception, traditional, my Fiance and I are having a 90 person backyard reception. Very different weddings so not too much competition.

Now my cousin also got engaged after me and is getting married 2 weeks before me. This really irked me because she is essentially having the exact same type of wedding as me AND because of this some of our out-of-town family has to choose which one to go to. Overall it was just rude of her but I’ve gotten over my butt hurt and tried to just ignore it.

Post # 11
Member
371 posts
Helper bee

Avena:  I got engaged in Octb 2013 and my younger sister got engaged in Dec 2013. I got married in May 2014 and she got married in September. Honestly, I have never thought about “having to share the spotlight”. On the contrary, I was happy we were able to share a unique experience with her. I felt so close to her last year during the wedding planning stage. We have completely different styles and personalities so the two weddings ended up being so different that it was impossible to compare them. Everybody around us was happy to celebrate both of us. Thumbs up for getting engaged the same time! 

Post # 12
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Well…. my sister and I are both engaged, but since she’s 54 and I’m 45 and it’s her second marriage, it’s probably not the same as your potential situation.  She was engaged first, and I will be married first.  We live in two different states, but extended family will have to travel for both.  Nonetheless, I don’t think it will be any problem for anyone.

Post # 13
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

My sister got engaged summer of 2011, I got engaged January of 2012. She got married October of 2013, my wedding was March of 2015. It was no problem, I was thrilled for her, she was my rock for mine. It was actually really great bc I used most of her vendors…lol 

Also, My cousin got engaged the same day as my sisters bridal shower and her wedding was the December before mine, and my cousin got engaged right before my wedding again no real issues. 

No one outshines the bride everyone gets their moment, promise!

Post # 14
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

My sister and I are currently engaged at the same time. My wedding will be next year and hers probably the summer after as she and her fiance are still finishing up undergrad and he grad school (don;t ask why they got engaged now…its been a touchy subject)

My parents are giving each of us a set amount (the same amount too). I have not told my sister what that amount is nor do I plan to tell her. My Fiance and I are going to have to pay for some other things out of pocket, but I am very greatful for the amount and genorisity of my parents.

My sister on the other hand thinks my parents are going to pay for everything. She has Hollywood eyes and doesn’t understand that my parents are giving them a set amount and that’s it. My Fiance and I are within our budget and both have jobs to be able to pay for the the other items. My sister and her Fiance however barely make it by at school on rent and such as he pays most of his own way and my sister is on scholarship. However, she has never hed a job before which makes the money discussion even more interesting.

My sister and I are not as close as my younger sister and I are, but we both want whats best for each other and to see the other one happy. I am sure we say stuff or talk about stuff behind hte other’s back, but I know we both want each other to be happy and want to help the other with her wedding.

My only advice (speaking from my situation) is to not bring up money. I mean even if my parents did pay for more of her wedding than mine (could happen who knows) I might be slightly upset, but only if my sister gets on her high horse and lashes out at my parents than I come to their defense because she does have the mentality that our parents should pay for everything. Money is a touchy subject.

Also, remember it is your special day and your sister would want you to enjoy it and vice versa. Its the brides moment and you each get your own day 🙂

Post # 15
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I just got engaged and I know my (older) sister is about to as well, but I don’t foresee any issues with it. We have a teeny tiny family. FI’s family is huge and while I don’t know what will happen, he has indicated numerous times that his family will pay for the majority of our wedding because inviting his entire family is a non-negotiable matter. I think my parents will probably end up paying for the bar tab (which is hilariously ironic since my dad is a recovering alcoholic, but there you go). My sister’s wedding will more than likely be very small since her SO’s family is equally small, and they don’t want to spend a lot of money. My wedding is going to be memorial day weekend 2017, and based on conversations, I think my sister will probably tie the knot the following fall. Personally, I’m stoked because my sister is my best friend and we have always done everything together. I can’t wait to wedding plan with her, and it will be fun to plan a big wedding and a small wedding. It’s like the best of both worlds. Of course, my situation is pretty ideal, and I see how it could be problematic for other families.

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