(Closed) Engaged this by this time next year, survival tips

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: How long was your relationship before you got engaged?
    1 year : (6 votes)
    10 %
    1.5 years : (7 votes)
    12 %
    2 years : (8 votes)
    14 %
    2.5 years : (4 votes)
    7 %
    3 years : (4 votes)
    7 %
    3.5 years : (4 votes)
    7 %
    4 years or more : (25 votes)
    43 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    9903 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    We were together for 7 years before my husband proposed. We had a lot of reasons for waiting but it was hard sometimes. I really just tried to focus on our relationship as it was, enjoying the dating period because it’s time you don’t get back. Yes being engaged and married is awesome but you know what? So were all the years before that. Just don’t take what you have now for granted just because you are excited about the future.

    Post # 3
    Member
    596 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2018

    About a year and a half into my relationship with my now-FI I almost broke up with him. We were in a long-long distance relationship (14 months apart, though we saw each other about every 4 months), and I was making plans to move to Australia where he was working (I’m from the east coast of the US for context – big move). I was nervous about making the move without an engagement. I knew I loved him and wanted him badly to be ‘the one’ but I was terrified that I’d move over and he’d change his mind and I’d be left alone 10,000 miles from home. We often spoke of our future with the assumption that we’d be married one day but it drove me crazy that I didn’t know when ‘one day’ would start.

    So during an emotional skype call I shared with him that I wanted to marry him – sooner rather than later. And I wasn’t sure I could move over without an engagement. He told me he always had it in his mind that he would live with someone for at least 6 months before proposing. I was gutted. I took that to mean that he wasn’t sure about me and that my moving over was a trial – and it just seemed that the risk I was taking by moving over was too uneven for a fair trail. I spent a whole week crying on the subway.

    Ultimately I just could not let him go. I decided to make the move anyway, and a few weeks after I arrived we went on a camping trip where he told me he recently had an epiphany about that almost break-up months ago. He said he only just now really ‘heard’ what I was saying and that he was very sorry and he hadn’t expressed himself well. It turns out the reason he was so stubborn about his 6 month idea was because 6 months after my planned move date was the holidays and we had planned to introduce our families to each other then and have Christmas together. He really wanted the proposal to be special and to share it will both of our families, so he had decided a year ago that he would propose then. But he didn’t want to spoil the surprise. Of course, then he did on that camping trip. But it took him another 4 months after the initial conversation to get what I was saying. And in the end, he proposed on Christmas Eve – which is what he always intended to do the entire time I sat blubbering about how my boyfriend didn’t love me on the subway.

    I guess I share my story because my experience was that my man was well-meaning, just really, really dense. Maybe your s/o is also waiting for a particular marker (i.e. families being together, job working out, major milestone reached, etc), and maybe it’s something less tangible. Now that you’ve expressed what you want, you either have to trust him, or not trust him. I’d say at least give him the chance to prove his word.

    This has turned into a long reply! Sorry! As for advice on waiting… I drooled over engagement rings so extensively in the 6 months leading up to the proposal that even my very dense now-fiance picked up on it and asked my input. We ended up going to design my ring together in the months before Christmas and the process was so cool and totally kept my patience in check. He still surprised me in the moment of getting down on one knee, and I got to spend my ‘waiting’ time playing with things that sparkle (or at least googling a lot of them!). 

    Post # 4
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    My advice is to trust what he says and enjoy the here and now – easier said than done I know! We got engaged shortly before 2 years and in the few months before I was getting the itch and keen to know when we might get engaged. 

    What my Fiance didn’t appreciate was that I was after some visibility over the coming years, I wasn’t just desperate to get engaged, it’s difficult when you don’t know what and when you’re planning for. He gets that now but said that at the time it just seemed like I kept asking him when we’d get engaged so that it would happen sooner.

    what I didn’t appreciate was that my Fiance wasn’t trying to be cagey with me but genuinely wanted me to be surprised, rather than to expect it. 

    It sounds really healthy that you can have this open communication with each other so I hope you can understand each other’s point of view and that you won’t be waiting too long! 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1537 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    hikingbride :  I take the present relationship with my SO for granted at times because I’m so anxious to move forward.

     

    Op, I’m hoping for a proposal most likely summer 2017 so am in the same boat and impatiently so. I need to set more goals to distract myself in the meantime rather than focusing on it.

     Is there anything you want or could achieve in the meantime? I think one of my 2017 goals is to do with running a certain distance and I also have reading goals so hopefully they both get fulfilled before it.

    One tip: don’t get absorbed in pinterest. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1271 posts
    Bumble bee

    I found it very hard, as we’d been together 11 years although we’d only lived together for one (almost) due to being 17 when we started dating. The hardest part for me was feeling like I had no say. I am the planner and he really isn’t which can come across as non-committal. I questioned whether I was good enough to marry, especially when people who hadn’t been together as long, and whom were younger than we were, were getting engaged.

    It can be a difficult thing to communicate, I think. You are asking them if they’re planning to propose – but they want to keep it a surprise. You’re asking them to give a timeline and it’s not necessarily to trip them up or because you want to accelarate that timeline, it’s just so you can relax and trust that it’ll happen eventually.

    The turning point for me was when I considered whether or not I wanted to set a “walk date”. I realised that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man for all of the reasons that I love him, and that was more important to me than getting engaged and married. It helps that by that point he had agreed that we’d eventually get married, and I joined the Shut It Up Pact on here to help take the pressure off both of us and give me somewhere to vent.

    Try not to compare yourselves to others; they aren’t you and comparison is a bitch.

    Post # 7
    Hostess
    9064 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: Dorset, UK

    bee45678394 :  My SO told me this just before Christmas. For now I am just focusing on him moving in with me at the start of April then us getting a place together in the summer. Hopefully he won’t keep me waiting until the end of the year but who knows. At the moment I am focusing on getting back into the gym as I have slipped and doing up parts of my house.

    Post # 8
    Member
    117 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Enjoy the ride. You don’t get this time back – just enjoy it. I know it’s hard, and I know you are antsy, but just let it go and remind yourself that you get to spend every day with the guy you love most. 

    Post # 9
    Hostess
    3966 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    hikingbride :  This.

    We dated for almost 8 years before we got engaged, and got married at 9 years.  Honestly, we just enjoyed our relationship.  I considered myself “waiting” for about 6 months when he told his family he was going to propose soon (in front of me, great job DH!), and was pretty stressed out during that time because I was super excited.  I know it’s easier said than done, but definitely try to just enjoy your time together.  It’ll be super exciting when he proposes, yes, but there will likely be a ton of super exciting, fun moments with your SO now that you may miss if you’re focusing solely on the engagment. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1009 posts
    Bumble bee

    We’ve been together 3.5 years, and our timeline has our engagement by June of this year. Honestly, you’re going to have so many changes and transitions in life, take the time to appreciate the in-betweens. I’ve been really, REALLY learning this this year. I left a job, left another job, got a new job that I love, we’re buying a house, doing work on it, moving, and then we’ll be getting engaged. It SO MUCH at once and pretty overwhelming, and I can’t wait until things calm down.

    So, TL;DR – be grateful for the quiet times, because the bg changes and events will come soon enough.

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