Post # 1
While I think it’s great that women have come so far in society, I sometimes resent the fact that some people think it’s crazy to be a housewife/ stay at home mom. I am getting married in aug. I am 23, and in about 2 years or maybe even less I would love to ttc. My fiance makes ok money and may be about to snag a 40k a year base pay job. Currently we cannot live on one income. It’s not that I don’t wanna work now, I just don’t want to when I become pregnant. I was unemployed for a few months a while back, and I LOVED the satisfaction of cleaning and cooking etc. I just felt fulfilled. I mean I really felt HAPPY. Now I just feel chaotic… I work 40+ hrs a week and I can’t get anything done around the house. I HATE IT, When my house is a mess… my whole life feels like its a mess! I am not lazy… I have been working constantly (besides the few months) since I graduated hs. I have discussed with fi the importance of being a stay at home mom, yet I kinda feel like he doesn’t understand. He tries to be supportive though… lol. does anyone else feel like this? I have like, this guilt of not being the super career oriented, work and be soccer mom chick feeling. Like, I’m looked down upon for wanting to just focus on home and family. I don’t know, what do you guys think? Anyone else get these feelings? ):
Post # 3
YES!! This is me! I’ve felt like this since I can remember and I’m 29! I don’t get any fulfillment from careers/jobs and I have a top degree and a masters. Being at home cooking and cleaning and looking after everything is much more important and just feels ‘right’ to me. It’s so hard to explain as many women think I’m anti-feminist if I say that which I’m not, it’s just the way I feel.
Post # 4
I think a lot of people would like to stay home!!!! My concern is being able to provide for yourself. You never know what the future holds & holding onto skills & developing them is very important. I understand the desire but I am older & see how it has played out for my BFF. She was lost for a few years after her daughter was born. She felt like her husband was working so hard to support the family financially but she wasn’t. Not that she wasn’t working but that he was burdened. She started a part time job last summer & she feels like she’s gotten her identity back & I haven’t seen her this happy in years.
I have a great job but always say my personal life is #1. My SO agree that me working PT when we have kids is what’s best for our family. We agree & both feel happy about it.
In the end, we do what makes sense for our lives & family. Don’t force this on your FI- he will resent you. Next thing you know you’ll be hiding money & having to verbally detail every item on your Target receipt. True story.
Post # 5
Me too. I’ve wanted to do that as far back as I can remember. I’ve always thought about different careers but none of them really suit me as much as I’d like them to. My two top choices would be housewife or author. I can’t write good stories to save my life, haha, so that’s out. Other than that though, there’s just nothing I’m super interested in as far as a career and sometimes I feel bad about it because other girls have these huge dreams and I want nothing more than to care for my family. Right now, Fiance and I are both in the military, it’s a good gig as it has really good benefits and we get steady paychecks… but it’s just not ME. The benefits are great but I don’t really enjoy it. I’d much rather stay at home and clean and take care of him and have dinner on the table when he gets home.
Post # 6
I always really wanted a job where I could work for myself and stay home and not go into an office every day…office life sucks the life out of me! I did have a chance to be a “housewife” back when I was laid off for a while and it was fun for a while but actually got boring.
But I don’t think it’s anti-feminist at all! Part of feminism (to me lol) is giving women the freedom to make choices! If your choice is having a career, that’s cool! If your choice is to be a homemaker, that’s cool too!
Post # 7
I love the fact WE HAVE A CHOICE! That is what women fought for, that we could have a choice. If finances would allow, I would 100% CHOOSE to be a stay-at-home Mum. After the (not-yet-made) kids go to school I may choose to work or may choose not to. Fiance is of the same opinion and has said that he would love to be able to earn enough for this to become a reality.
Feminism in my eyes is about being able to choose. And I don’t see staying at home as being a poke in the eye to this. Women tend to be very negative of the choices of other women, and it makes me sad. We should support one another and see eacho ther’s choice as a positive thing.
Please add a poll to this – I think it would be so intersting to see what people’s views are.
Post # 8
I became a Stay-At-Home Mom at age 24. It was never my plan, but that’s what happened and I quickly realized how much I love it. I watched my friends struggle with going back to work and leave their infants with daycare and I was so grateful I didn’t have to. My daughter had health problems as a newborn, so my husband and I both decided I’d stay home for the first year.
Financially it was a struggle at times! But as she began to grow up, we both saw the benefits in it, at least for our family and her. So I just really didn’t go back (except for one random part time job). Ultimately I have the time to bring her to school, pick her up, stay with her on days she is sick. I can drive her anywhere she needs to go, I have time to devote to the house, I cook and clean and do all the shopping. If my husband needs something on his way home from work I can run out and get it no problem. If I feel like taking my daughter out for a girl’s lunch and a trip to the library, we can do it and I’m not trying to work it in on my day off.
It’s NOT for everyone, some women would never want to do what I do. For us it was the right choice, but it’s just something you have to determine on your own. Just know that a lot of women make this choice and love it!
Post # 9
I don’t think there’s anything wrong at all with it! Like another poster said, feminism is about choice. And if you have kids, that’s a job in and of itself, probably a much harder job than your husband has (now, I do have this one friend who’s in med school and has a lazy bum fiance that wants to be a “stay at home husband…with no kids.” Not sure how I feel about that one…). It’s not for me personally because I tend to get depressed when I don’t have much to do and I clean and cook REALLY fast and don’t really have that much to clean right now since I’m in a tiny apartment and don’t have kids, but there’s nothing wrong with it as long as y’all can support yoursleves on one income.
Post # 10
I had said this multiple times to Darling Husband throughout our dating years….not sure if he ever realized how serious I was about it! I hope it can work out for us…..TTC is a few years off yet, but I would love nothing more than to stay home with our kids. Although I would definitely consider something part-time or more when they are little……maybe full-time when they are all in school.
My mom was a Stay-At-Home Mom (but we did run a dairy farm, so it was still a lot of work, but we were all there together), and I would just love that as well.
At the very least, if I could just become more of work-from-homer (taking a pay cut) so I’m not paying out the nose for daycare and spending so much time away from our baby, I’d be much happier than being a 9-5er.
Post # 11
YES!! My Darling Husband thinks I want to be a stay at home mom because I’m lazy. To which he usually gets the death stare from me. We don’t have kids yet and aren’t TTC, but he doesn’t get what it means to me and how much work is involved in just running the house. I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home mom, I’ve never been career oriented. Some kids say they will grow up and be an astronaut, I said I was going to be a mom.
Post # 12
@hisgoosiegirl: Darling Husband is the same way! I told him countless times throughout our 6 years of dating. And now that we’re married he kindda gives me this “uh you were serious?” type response.
Post # 13
I absolutely agree. I have way too much education/debt to not work (and too much earning potential, probably), but I think being a homemaker would be really great. I definitely want to do it for awhile when we have kids.
Post # 14
@yellowshoe: When I was a teen, I dreaded ‘growing up’ and having to go to work every day. Now that I’m here…..it’s not as bad as I thought (most days) but I still know it’d be torture if I were dropping my baby off at daycare every day. I actually get really sad every time a new mom comes back after 6 weeks and is always so depressed-looking those first couple weeks.
I’ve told Darling Husband I know we can make it work! And I will, dangit! If I could bake decently, I’d totally start a little bakery out of my place, but alas, no such thing will be happening for me, lol!
Post # 15
I consider myself so lucky that I’ve been able to stay home (the small firm I was working for crashed with the economy), and eventually transition into working from home. It’s amazing. I’m looking forward to having kids one day and being able to be home with them as well. Some days are really busy between 2 work-from-home jobs, but I really thrive in it. I love being able to take a break to go to the grocery store, or snuggle a kitty if they’re harassing me for love 😉 It’s absolutely ideal for Darling Husband and I (and the cats apparently). Some days I feel a little odd man out with all my 9-5 friends, but I wouldn’t trade this for anything! So long as we can sustain it, I’m going to keep doing it 🙂
ETA – I have a university degree and a college diploma. I value each of those for shaping me into who I am today, and I think they helped prepare me in a lot of different ways for what I do now 🙂
Post # 16
@bakerella: what kind of work do you do from home? everything I see is either baking, Etsy, or some type of other crafty thing….which won’t work for me, lol!