(Closed) Engaged young, small ring. Should I ask to upgrade?!?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
  • poll: What should I do?
    Be happy with what I have and stop thinking about it. : (177 votes)
    50 %
    Carefully ask what he thinks about upgrading and drop it if he doesn't agree. : (141 votes)
    40 %
    Save my own money to upgrade it if he doesn't agree with spending more money on the ring. : (37 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 17
    17 posts

    My guy’s parents got engaged young and for an anniversary he gave her a new ring – so I definitely agree with waiting for an anniversary. Most of the time, if your guy got the ring at a jewelery store, they allow for you to bring the ring back and credit the value of the ring towards a new purchase. So more than likely they will allow for an “upgrade” of just the diamond without paying for the entire new diamond!

    If you’ve found that he’s extremely proud of his purchase and would be hurt by asking for an upgrade as an anniversary gift or something, then forget asking for a few years. You have a beautiful set from what I can see!

    Post # 18
    1548 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Hmmm, I would keep the ring you have, which is beautiful btw & looks fabulous on your hand, especially with the band! 1/2 carat is a good size and the quality of your diamond looks to be exceptional form the pic.

    The ring is such a touchy subject with so many men. My fiance had no input from everyone and took great pride in learning about the diamonds and  chosing the one he did. Even last night we were watching tv and saw a diamond on a show and i didn’t have my glasses on, I asked “was that an emerald cut?” and he said “No it’s an asscher which is square and carries its weight on the bottom” I almost did a double take haha.

    One thing you could do is get another band to go on top if you want more substance on your finger, or even a wrap with some side diamonds or a guard. Personally though I think its perfect =)

    Post # 21
    4109 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @alwayslove: I think your ring is beautiful as is…. but if you really want an upgrade, I’d wait at least until an anniversary or something AFTER you are married. Even if he isn’t offended that you want a larger stone, he may be taken aback that you want an upgrade before you even say your vows.

    Plus- you never know- it may not even be important to you anymore after you’re married? I know that for me personally I focus on my ring now because we’re somewhat newly engaged & that’s what other people focus on as well. AND we all know it’s impossible not to compare size to other’s Smile But I look around at women who’ve been married for a couple years (or much more), they could care less, & sometimes skip wearing the ering entirely in favor of the wedding band because it’s more practical (around children, work, etc). I’d like to upgrade my stone 5-10 years down the road, but I won’t know if I’ll still want that until the time passes…

    Post # 22
    6593 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Are a lot of friends engaged? I only ask because I am 28 live in Canada and a lot of my friends are married and we all have .5 carat engagement rings that is the norm in our area.

    I know that looking on weddingbee there are so many beautiful larger rings and you can get caught up thinking that yours is to small etc. I actually have a friend with a bigger stone and she is a little uncomfortable about it because it is bigger than the norm in our area. 

    I am not saying that you can’t have a ring that is bigger than the norm or that .5 carats are the norm in your area I guess I am just saying that make sure that this is something that you realistically want before bringing it up to your Fiance and if it is the internet doing it to you (not saying that it is) try not to get too caught up in size.

    If this is what you really want I would definitely wait until after you are married and please tread carefully!

    Post # 23
    157 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I actually did not want a large ring.  My ring is a .34 (I think) solitaire.  I think it is plenty big enough!  I wouldn’t ask to replace the ring you have but rather wait for an anniversary down the road to ask for something larger. 

    Post # 24
    2829 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    just imo, but I find the idea of ‘upgrading’ somewhat pointless and materialistic (a PP mentioned a prong being broken, that is a legitimate reason to get the stones reset or ‘upgraded’), an engagement ring is supposed to be a symbol of love and fidelity–the promise of a life together– not how much rock you can buy with 3 months salary (which I don’t believe in/adhere to personally).

    Yes this is a touchy subject, but I honestly think your ring looks fine on your hand. Yes everyone’s personal tastes and preferences are different, but I would even hazard to say the current stone you have is almost overwhelmingly large(again, differing opinions).

    If you absolutely have to bring this up with your partner, be delicate about it. He probably spent a lot of time trying to pick something out that he thought you would be happy with.

    Post # 25
    4304 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think it’s beautiful.  I would probably ask for another band on the 1 year anniversary, but it looks perfect on you.  That way you can add more bling and still keep your original ring.

    Post # 26
    610 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Why not get another ring with a big diamond like you want for yourself. Not necessarily change his engagement ring. My ring’s not huge or small. It’s just right. Sometimes i wish i had a bigger diamond but, it reminds me of where we started. It reminds me of how thoughtful, loving and caring he can be. I don’t think i could have the heart to exchange or trade it for something else.

    Post # 27
    27 posts

    Size doesn’t matter, it’s the clarity and cut of the diamond that should really matter. Plus why do you care how other people judge your diamond?

    Post # 28
    1295 posts
    Bumble bee

    Eep. I definitely wouldn’t pick the “save my own money to upgrade if he doesn’t agree” option. That could cause some really big issues – like the “so my ring isn’t good enough for you?” issue.

    Personally, I like your ering and wedding band. My ering is smaller than yours and I do eventually want to upgrade. If FH wasn’t totally on board, I would drop it.

    Post # 29
    3638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I would just bring it up first with a “I was reading on the forums the other day about ‘ring upgrading’ where blahblahblah (explanation) – it seems to be a controversial topic, what are your thoughts on it?” And go from there, see if he is against it or not.


    Sometimes men like to upgrade their wife’s ring to show that the couple has “moved up” in the world. But others are very attached to the ring and stone that they picked out. 


    Ultimately you have to remember that although your ring was a gift, it is sort of his ring too as it represents his love for you. So you have to tread carefully, if he doesn’t want to upgrade then that’s a legitimate concern. You could add a separate enhancer or something to the ring to make it appear bigger. That would be a compromise. 

    Post # 30
    122 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    first of all, that is a beautiful set!! It looks very good on your finger!!!

    Now,i wouldn’t ask for a bigger diamond… but, as some suggested on here, ask for a 2nd band to wear on the other side for a total of 3 stacked bands.

    He might still be a little offended but he’ll warm up to the idea… Wink

    My ring is a halo and i will be wearing a band on each side, but it would also look fantastic with your ring style.

    Just to give you an idea:



    Post # 31
    3460 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Upgrading before the wedding seems both bad karma to me and insensitive to him – he spent what he could afford at the time and after only 2 years you want a bigger one?  If I were him that would set off red flags for me of materialism, particularly considering how his family treats the subject (well off but they don’t spend the money on it).  I also like the sentiment and history behind first rings.   I think you’ll upset him by bringing it up.  Wait for the 5 year.  And definitely not option 3!

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