(Closed) Engaged young, small ring. Should I ask to upgrade?!?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
  • poll: What should I do?
    Be happy with what I have and stop thinking about it. : (177 votes)
    50 %
    Carefully ask what he thinks about upgrading and drop it if he doesn't agree. : (141 votes)
    40 %
    Save my own money to upgrade it if he doesn't agree with spending more money on the ring. : (37 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 32
    9816 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I waited 5 years after my wedding before I got the ring I wanted, and I didn’t ask for it. I wouldn’t say anything.

    Post # 33
    102 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Hmmmm, ok IMO I would never upgrade the ring before your married. Wait until an anniversary. Also personally I would not upgrade my ring if that means replacing the center stone to a bigger one… My engagement ring has way to much sentimental value to ever consider that. Eventually for one of my birthdays or anniversaries I would love another diamond ring for my hand but I would always keep my engagement ring for sentimental purposes. (My excuse to Fiance is diamonds are my birthstone!) He is way too smart to fall for that. hehe

    Post # 34
    133 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    You are still young…not only would upgrading hurt your fiance, but do you really need a larger stone at such a young age? I am also 22, got engaged at 21, and have a 0.70 ct/1.4 ctw ring. I envy other ladies with larger stones, but I have so many other financial priorities (our new house is being built) that upgrading to a larger stone can wait. 

    Post # 35
    937 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think it would be rude to ask to upgrade… this is my opinion.

    You have been given some special… it should matter how big or small it is… its the meaning behind it.

    if your partner surprises you with an ‘upgrade’ in the future thats different but for you to say “i want a bigger ring”

    Why do you want it bigger?

    Once again this is just what i think…. for those who have upgraded good for you!

    Post # 36
    3048 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    I would just ask if that’s something he wants to do. Some men have egos and want the ring to be bigger themselves. My Fiance was ready to upgrade a month after he proposed. He said he was rushed and wanted a bigger diamond with more clarity. I told him he was ridiculous! But your Fiance may actually invite the suggestion of getting another ring. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 37
    1726 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Hmm, I don’t know very many doctors that are only 25 years old (and have no debt for that matter), but I think @kperry3 makes a good point in that he may very well bring up this issue himself eventually at some point, since many men see the ring as a reflection of their own generosity, sacrifice, what have you, and want it to “show” more. Someone in a professional field like that is bound to have colleagues that he may feel “competition” with in the ring department and if your ring ends up being significantly less showy than those within his circle, he might feel the urge to upgrade.

    That being said, I think your set looks amazing on your hand and that it’s just beautiful. But if an upgrade is something both of you want, of course you should go for it. I would just wait until both of you see it as something you want. I also feel it’s important to echo what pp’s mentioned in that you are *still* quite young. Not many 22 year olds are walking around sporting huge rocks… just something to keep in mind.

    Post # 38
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    It’s bigger than some, & I don’t believe they want an upgrade, if ever! However, I think your happiness is important and if you’re unhappy with the size, then maybe maybe a few years and then ask to upgrade to a larger looking ring. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 39
    3586 posts
    Sugar bee

    Wait until he says something about it. Y’all aren’t even married yet and you want a new ring? Just wait.

    On the other hand, I had a friend who said her ring was too little and told him and he got her a new one. It depends on the man sometimes. My guy wouldn’t do that, but hey, you know your man better than we do.

    Post # 40
    3218 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I would wait a while. your ring looks great! later you could upgrade and use the diamond as part of a new setting? it might sound better to find a ring you love and say “wow I love this setting, could we switch my ring around and inclue the old diamond in the new setting?” and then use the original stone as a side stone!

    Post # 41
    91 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    To me personally, I think it’s actually nice if he comes from from a well off family but they aren’t that extragavant about showing off material objects. (I personally know a friend who is a Plastic Surgeon (Served as one in the Vietnam War) and only has a century buick for a car!

    I honestly think your ring is quite beautiful on you, dear! ๐Ÿ™‚ (And the wedding band is gorgeous too!) I agree with the other bees, though-this is a VERY touchy subject (especially to your fiance because when he was first working he really couldn’t afford more). I say wait it out til after your wedding…his feelings will be extremely hurt. I’d say wait it out until after the wedding and wait for an anniversary!




    Post # 42
    5110 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I think it would be rude to ask or talk about it to him unless he brought it up first. Now thats just my opinion but it shouldnt matter how big or small it is… Its simply what the ring stands for. Plus I think the ring looks great on your hand. Expecially with the band. Oh and I think that your ring symbolizes where you are in life when you get engaged. Its a nice reminder of how far you have come already. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 43
    3295 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

    Definitely wait. I think guys are a lot more hurt than they let on when their FI/wife asks to upgrade. Trust me on this, houses cost a lot more than you’d think and life throws crazy curveballs sometimes. Focus on having as much extra savings in the bank as you can (wish I had done this!) so that you and your Fiance have peace of mind and you won’t have to skimp on vacations, home furnishings, etc…

    Post # 44
    1664 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Wait until after you are married and then feel it out.  Some guys would be really upset, others wouldn’t be.  Maybe you could get a nice eternity band or something as a compromise… it wouldn’t be like you were “replacing” the e-ring, you know?

    Also, in my opinion 2 months salary is a bit excessive.  We spent around 2 weeks.  I know everyone is different, but you have to make sure you and your FH are on the same page about what is appropriate to spend on jewelry.  Considering what you said about his family, my guess is he is going to look at you like you have three heads if you suggest that ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 45
    1425 posts
    Bumble bee

    I agree with some of the other bees to either hint towards a 1 year anniversary band OR anniversary ring. Also, your ring looks gorgeous from what I can see!! 

    My parents got engaged without much of a proposal or ring. They were young (19 and 21) and a few months after I was born my Dad pretty much just said to my Mum, “So I guess we should get married” and bought her a tiny ring. 20 years later, he got down on one knee in front of family and friends, proclaimed his love for her and asked her to continue spending their lives together, then presented her with a much larger ring. Was all the more special 20 years later!! She also got a “family ring” a few years ago.

    Give him a nudge and throw out some hints that you’d like another ring, without putting down the original… 

    Post # 46
    367 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010


    My husband is NOT touchy about it; he says we will upgrade when the time comes.

    However, becuase I am in love with it…I will do two things:


    Use my same ring-JUST ungrade the diamond. So, you will still have the original band and ring.


    Use my original diamond and have it set into a pedant or a ring hand ring!

    *you can even sell the original diamond and do somethin FOR HIM like go on a weekend vacation…but diamonds don’t sell for full price so I’m keeping mine and just putting it in a necklace! 


    P.S: I love your ring, it’s beautiful and just wait on upgrading it. Give it some time…either you’ll love it by then or be totally sick of it…but right now I think you can push it a little longer. Good Luck!

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