(Closed) Engaged…but no proposal

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh hun, don’t feel bad!  You are in a situation that makes love and commitment even harder, so it is super sweet that the two of you are ready to spend your lives together ๐Ÿ™‚  That is nothing to be ashamed of!

And, if you want a traditional “proposal,” just ask your fiance to ask you when he gives you the ring.  I am guessing he would probably love to do it too! 

Post # 4
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I agree with @sarahbabs if you want the proposal, ask him to ask you officially when he gives you your ring.

Congratulations on the upcoming wedding! ๐Ÿ™‚

My story is similar. If it can make you feel better, here it is:

Context: Darling Husband and I had been dating for 18 months. We were not living together officially because I lived with an ex and promised myself that I would never live with someone again unless we were committed to spend our lives together. Darling Husband knew that and agreed. We, however, spent all our time together, travelling between his house and my apartment, which were 30 minutes apart.. We were both tired of living out of our bags and travelling all the time.

Our engagement happened on Dec. 2… In the car, on our way back to work:

Me: I wish that by the end of the year, we figure out what to do and stop travelling all the time.

Him: yeah, me too.. I’d really like to live together

Me: Yeah, but I would only live with you if we were committed to spending our lives together

Him: I know, and I agree with that.

(we arrive to my place, pause the convo.. take off our winter coats and boots..)

Him: so, what do you want to do?

Me: Ok, I’ll jump. I can tell you that I think we’re great together and I think that we can make it work, I’m ready to commit.

Him: I feel the same… So… Do you need to be actually engaged before moving in?

Me: huh, yeah, I thought that was clear!

Him: well, I would like to get married, but not tomorrow..

Me: haha, if we get engaged, we’d move in first, then plan a wedding and wouldn’t be married until a year from now

Him: ok, that sounds really good, lets do that!

And that was my engagement story. I confirmed with him that he meant he wanted to be engaged, and then we went to celebrate in the bedroom…

We bought my ring 3 days later, right before going to dinner with my parents and telling them the news. I prompted him to ask, he asked as he slipped the ring on my finger where it all started, in the car, in the parking lot of the mall…


Sorry for the novel!

But honestly, the bottom line is that you two are on the same page and that you are so comfortable with each other that this kind of conversation was easy to have and there was no fuss about it. I love engagements without proposals: while a lot of proposals are amazing, I can’t help but think that the time it took to organize it could have been time where the wedding was actually planned and people could get married faster, which is kind of the point to me anyway.

Post # 5
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

I was actually just teasing my fiance about this the other day. 

He never actually “asked” me to marry him. We were picking out my birthday present at the jewelry store one night and he started talking to the salesperson about buying an engagement ring. I’m like woah what?? Next thing I know, he’s having me sized for a ring!r

Then for my next birthday, we go to a fancy hotel with a hot tub in our room. After we hung out in the hot tub, I took a shower and got dressed. He swapped the ring he bought me with one I always wore. I didn’t even notice it until I was putting my makeup on! I had the ring on for at least ten minutes before I even noticed!

So no, he never actually proposed but that night, he told everyone at the hotel and then the restaurant that I said yes!

Post # 7
433 posts
Helper bee


it was very similar for us as well. I never had a proposal, but it is the marriage that counts, and mine has entered its second decade. My sister-in-law had seven proposals, seven rings and six divorces (one never led to a wedding), so I take all this with a huge grain of salt. A proposal does not a marriage make!

I wish you that your marriage will be filled with love, mutual respect, joy, a few tears (you need those to appreciate the joy – that’s why my gran said who had been married for 58 years), and friendship. 

Post # 8
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Next email/Skype: “I am so lucky to have such a great guy who wants to get married, but I can’t help but feel sad that there was no special proposal. I would love it if you did something special when I see you.” Butter him up, then tell him what would make you happy. 

Post # 9
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My parents didn’t have a proposal OR a ring, they just decided to do it and did. They’re still married after 36 years!

If deciding to get married is engaged, then I already am, we had to have a big sit down date planning visa nightmare talk about the whole thing where we hammered out the details.

I’m waiting on a ring and a get down on one knee moment, but at this stage it’s a formality. Which I’m TOTALLY excited for, but there’s no element of will he- won’t he.

When you’re on a timer (military, visas, what have you) sometimes you have to put the cart before the horse or get completely screwed over.

I too am not making any announcement until the ring is on…. and I could be waiting another 6 to 8 months! So I feel your pain.

It will still be special, especially because you’ll be able to share you joy and excitement with everyone!

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