(Closed) Engaged/Married Bees: Do you still think about your ex(es)?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Engaged/Married Bees: Do you still think about your exes?
    Absolutely not! : (93 votes)
    28 %
    I try not to : (86 votes)
    26 %
    Yes, it is completely normal : (155 votes)
    46 %
  • Post # 3
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I do occasionally think about my exes. One of my exes just got engaged (though my husband and I wished him congrats so more friendly) and one of my exes happens to live in the building next door to us. However, NEVER in a what if kind of way and I wouldn’t be ok if that was happening to me after having just gotten engaged. 

    Post # 4
    1471 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I have never though what if about an ex but every now and then I will see or hear something that will make me think about them but in a friendly way, the same way i think about any other old friend and I think that’s normal 

    Post # 5
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    I have weird sex dreams about an ex from time to time, but I wake up disgusted by it. Other than that, I don’t think of any of my exes except for two that have remained on as friends. 

    Post # 6
    2725 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I think about them from time to time as in ‘what are they up to?’ but not ‘what if?’

    At this point I know what ‘what if?’ would be and it wouldn’t be good. 

    Post # 7
    2335 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I started dating my current Fiance at 17, so I really only had one “serious” ex before that, who I dated 10 months.

    [Warning! Long ramble ahead! Short version in case nobody wants to read: No, I don’t think about my ex anymore haha.]

    I hardly ever think about him, which is a miracle, because after we broke up, well…

    I had started pulling away from him, and I think he sensed it, so he went into my locker at school, into my bag, and read my all text messages. Then he had the nerve to confront me angrily for texting some other guy at school (who was new to the school and JUST a friend- nothing EVER happened there). So that was the last straw. Couldn’t trust him after that.

    But after we broke up, he couldn’t let it go for more than a year. He still sent me flowers on what would have been our one-year anniversary, drove his friends crazy by talking about how much he missed me all the time, and was coooooonstantly for months bringing up the possibility of us getting back together to my friends. He even called my mom a few times to talk about me/our relationship. :/

    Because of that, I think I treated him pretty poorly after we broke up. Actually looking back, I was probably pretty mean. 🙁 He was actually a REALLY GOOD guy- a total gentleman, very sweet, etc. So I know I should have been kinder, but I felt like I had to push him away and I was really bitter that he wouldn’t leave me alone. It was just a really bad experience for me, and I felt like even after I’d ended things that I couldn’t breathe, especially with him trying to contact me constantly (at first) and then hearing about all the stuff he was saying later on from my friends. It didn’t help that we went to the same school and had to see each other all the time.

    A couple of years ago that situation randomly popped into my head. I didn’t have any feelings for him at all- I’d been dating my current Fiance for two years by then, but I actually called my ex out of the blue to apologize for the way I’d treated him in high school. (My now-FI knew I was gonna call and even said it would be a nice thing to do.) No matter how I was feeling, I know for my ex to have acted like that he must have been feeling a hundred times worse than me (even though I don’t think him holding onto it for that long was healthy), and there was no excuse for being so unkind to him.

    Surprisingly, we were actually able to have a nice conversation like normal adults. It was nice.

    After that, I pretty much never thought about him again, until last weekend. His little sister and my little brother were graduating together, so I saw him and his family a few rows back from me. His mom ignored me (she never liked me), but his dad was always really sweet to me and said hi. I think he didn’t want things to be awkward so he pretended like he hadn’t seen me LOL.

    Kudos if you read all that, wow! Wayyy longer than I expected.

    So no, I never play, “What if?”. He’s a great guy and all, but totally not the man I wanted to be with forever.

    Post # 8
    3520 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I definitely wonder how they’re doing.

    Post # 9
    2281 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Not with any longing, but sometimes I do wonder how they’re doing (if we’re no longer in contact).

    Some of my exes are still a part of my life in some way, and one is coming to my wedding with his wife – they’re some of my dearest friends.

    Post # 10
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I think about them occassionally, but more from a ‘I wonder how they’re doing/what they’re up to’ perspective, NEVER from a ‘what if’ perspective – I am SO glad that I didn’t end up with anyone BUT my Fiance. But of my two ‘main’ exes, one was abusive and the other just wasn’t the right guy for me (though he’s a very nice guy and I only wish him well), so perhaps that’s a big part of it.

    Post # 11
    3452 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    No.  When things ended, they ended for a reason.  If an ex pops into my head, it’s only out of disgust.

    Post # 12
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think of certain ones occasionally. Not so much like I wonder what it would be like to be with them, but more like I wonder if he’s still selling bonsai trees for a living.  Like rachelmichelle I have one I treated terribly that I still regret from time to time, but if you’re fantasizing aboutbrewing with an ex I think it could point to a problem in your current relationship.  In the earlystages of dh and my relationship I would go through phases where I would fantasize about coworkers and random people and it always had to do with my own personal issues with self esteem and commitment.  Like I needed outside validation.

    Post # 13
    11167 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    I have true disdain for most of my exes so no I try my best to not think of them. There is one that friended me on FB because I’m good friends with his sister but we don’t really communicate all that much.

    @MrsBlueSeptember:  I couldn’t have put it better myself.

    Post # 14
    5199 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    Only in a I “wonder how they are doing” way. Some of them I find out the answer if I want as we keep in occasional contact, others I have no idea where they are these days and it remains a fleeting thought. I have no negative feelings toward any of them, and care about them in a “they were important in my life at some point and good people” (even if not right for me!) so I think that wondering about them now and then is understandable.

    They are, however, exes for a reason (not as they were bad, but things were just not right and we were not right for each other) and we have moved on with our lives, and I feel I won the lottery with my husband and am so happy for where I am, so, yeah, no “what ifs” about exes for me (well, except in a thankful it did not become a “what if” where I stayed with them)! 


    Post # 15
    1021 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think about my most recent ex occasionally. He was by far the funniest person I know and in a lot of ways I admire him, but even at the beginning of our 2 year relationship I knew he wasn’t the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We’re still connected through Facebook and on good terms, but I don’t really talk to him out of respect for my Fiance. I don’t ever think “what if” EXCEPT for when I think about his parents. They’re both amazing people both as a couple and as individuals. I would have loved to have them as family.

    Post # 16
    2031 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Some of them I wonder how they are, but never ‘what if we’d stayed together?’ or anything like that.  I never run into them, but every now and then their pictures or status updates will pop up in my FB newsfeed and I just think ‘Oh thank goodness I’m NOT involved in that trainwreck anymore!’

    The topic ‘Engaged/Married Bees: Do you still think about your ex(es)?’ is closed to new replies.

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