Post # 1
I am 99% sure Boyfriend or Best Friend is proposing during my New Year’s visit to see him and his family (we’re in a LDR). I work for a small engineering firm where I am a junior engineer and everyone knows when I’m on vacation to see Boyfriend or Best Friend. Here’s the issue: Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have decided that I should move there (he’s a little older and more established, I’m still using old university furniture lol) so that when we have kids I’ll have family around.
Everyone at work is wonderful and asks how we’re doing, where we travelled this time etc except for the CEO. He continually asks when we’re getting married and if Boyfriend or Best Friend is moving. I’ve explained that we’re considering all alternatives and will let him know when we make a decision and that I’m not seriously considering anything because Boyfriend or Best Friend has not proposed yet. I’ve also told him that I really like working at the company and would not want to get married till I’m 27 at least (I’m 25 now).
It’s at a point where I dread seeing him and now I have this irrational fear that he’s going to fire me for making future plans. Has anyone else been through this? Any advice?
Post # 3
He can’t fire you for making plans or even thinking about making plans. It sounds like a small firm, so you probably don’t have an HR department, but what he’s doing isn’t okay. Do you best and see where things go, but don’t let him pressure you into making decisions you aren’t ready to make yet, or making commitments you can’t/ won’t keep.
Post # 4
I would just keep dodging the question. I don’t know how long you’ve been working there but if you don’t plan to move for another 2 years, make it know that you forsee yourself staying put for some time. It’s pretty typical to only keep your first post-University job for 3-4 years (and that’S a lot) anyway so CEO sould not be upset by your future move.
Post # 5
It’s tough at a small firm because they consider everything they put into you – training, benefits, etc. an investment and they want those investments to stick around. I was fired immediately when they found out (not from me) that I was considering taking another position.
Post # 6
It’s unethical and illegal for him to fire you based on your relationship status. Stick with your generic answer of “we’re still considering options.” Don’t let him manipulate you or convince you to tell more than necessary. It’s not in his “right-to-know” right now. Worry about what you’ll do about your job once the engagement is official and you guys have a wedding date and an approx date that you’d be moving.
And congratulations on your (hopeful!) upcoming engagement!!! 🙂
Post # 7
I don’t see why it is any of his business honestly. I was working for a small firm and yes I did wait until the very end to tell them that I was moving but still. I don’t think that he has any right to be giving you the run around over this. It sounds like you would still be there for a few more years and then you will leave. I would wait until it gets closer to the time when you are leaving to actually tell them that you are moving away.
Post # 8
You know you don’t have to tell him the truth. The constant questioning is really inappropriate and since it’s making you worry about your job, possibly illegal. Tell him that neither one of you is marrying and you’re having a long-distance marriage!
Post # 9
That’s one of the reasons I’d like to get married straight out of school rather than wait a year or two; I don’t want to put my fledgling career on the line, no matter how unfair a concern that may be!
Is there any sort of legal action you can take if he fires you because of an engagement? I guess all you can really do is reassure him you’re not going anywhere soon and ignore the prodding. Here’s to hoping things work out in your situation!
Post # 10
At my old job, my boss and everyone was really cool, so I was able to let them know early that I would be leaving at some point, etc. But it may or may not be against the law for him to fire you, it depends on whether you are in an at-will state. In an at-will state your boss can fire you because you wore a yellow shirt to work, just something to keep in mind. But like the other girls, I would continue to dodge the question until you give your notice.
Post # 11
This happened to me (although the CEO definitely was not involved), and I’m also an engineer. Everyone knew that I was in an LDR. My boss always asked me when my bf was moving down here. He would also say “if there’s anything I can do to help get him a job down here, let me know.” I would just always answer, “I don’t know…” and smile and move on. I doubt he’s actually expecting you to answer the questions, and you definitely don’t have to answer. All of these questions came for many months.
When I got a new job and gave my boss my notice and told him I’d be moving he said, “I was expecting this sooner or later.” and he thanked me for the contributions I had made to the company while I was there. My boss was totally great about it, and never held back on giving me opportunities to grow within the company, even though he knew there was a chance I’d be leaving. Any smart boss would act the same in order to get the most out of you for the time you are there. That’s what they’re paying you for, and it’s in your contract that you can leave whenever you want, you just have to give two weeks notice (or whatever is in your contract).
So basically defltect the questions, don’t actually answer them, be nice, keep doing your job and working hard, but don’t feel bad for quitting eventually. Everyone has to move on at some point.
Post # 12
Thanks for your answers. I did do a search and it said as per Canadian employment laws in Alberta you can fire an employee wihtout just cause giving them a certain time of notice however it cannot be due to discrimination which includes gender, race, MARITAL STATUS, etc. So I guess they can’t do that.
I will try to dodge questions but I’m horrible at lying and know I look really uncorfortable when answering questions. I am dreading announcing my engagement (some of my coworkers are close friends from uni who would be invited) for fear that the CEO will truly hound me then. Oy vey!!
Post # 13
In most places, like my state – California, a person can be fired “without cause,” however that doesn’t give employers free reign to do or say whatever they like. “Without cause” doesn’t mean that you can fire someone just because they’re a woman, or because they complained about something, or because you’re worried they’ll quit — that is illegal. Even your bosses questions border on the lines of what is and what is inappropriate work conduct.
I would suggest you just talk to your boss and say that his questions about your personal life are making you uncomfortable since you, yourself, aren’t sure when you’re getting married or what your future holds. And if he asks again after that then just ignore his comments and brush them off. You do not have to lie, nor do you have ANY obligation to tell him anything about your personal life.