(Closed) Engagement & Job…Advice needed

posted 9 years ago in Career
Post # 3
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

He can’t fire you for making plans or even thinking about making plans. It sounds like a small firm, so you probably don’t have an HR department, but what he’s doing isn’t okay. Do you best and see where things go, but don’t let him pressure you into making decisions you aren’t ready to make yet, or making commitments you can’t/ won’t keep.

Post # 4
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I would just keep dodging the question. I don’t know how long you’ve been working there but if you don’t plan to move for another 2 years, make it know that you forsee yourself staying put for some time. It’s pretty typical to only keep your first post-University job for 3-4 years (and that’S a lot) anyway so CEO sould not be upset by your future move.

Post # 5
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s tough at a small firm because they consider everything they put into you – training, benefits, etc. an investment and they want those investments to stick around.  I was fired immediately when they found out (not from me) that I was considering taking another position.  

Post # 6
16196 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It’s unethical and illegal for him to fire you based on your relationship status. Stick with your generic answer of “we’re still considering options.” Don’t let him manipulate you or convince you to tell more than necessary. It’s not in his “right-to-know” right now. Worry about what you’ll do about your job once the engagement is official and you guys have a wedding date and an approx date that you’d be moving.

And congratulations on your (hopeful!) upcoming engagement!!! 🙂

Post # 7
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t see why it is any of his business honestly.  I was working for a small firm and yes I did wait until the very end to tell them that I was moving but still.  I don’t think that he has any right to be giving you the run around over this.  It sounds like you would still be there for a few more years and then you will leave.  I would wait until it gets closer to the time when you are leaving to actually tell them that you are moving away.

Post # 8
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You know you don’t have to tell him the truth. The constant questioning is really inappropriate and since it’s making you worry about your job, possibly illegal. Tell him that neither one of you is marrying and you’re having a long-distance marriage!

Post # 9
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

That’s one of the reasons I’d like to get married straight out of school rather than wait a year or two; I don’t want to put my fledgling career on the line, no matter how unfair a concern that may be!

Is there any sort of legal action you can take if he fires you because of an engagement? I guess all you can really do is reassure him you’re not going anywhere soon and ignore the prodding. Here’s to hoping things work out in your situation!

Post # 10
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

At my old job, my boss and everyone was really cool, so I was able to let them know early that I would be leaving at some point, etc.  But it may or may not be against the law for him to fire you, it depends on whether you are in an at-will state.  In an at-will state your boss can fire you because you wore a yellow shirt to work, just something to keep in mind.  But like the other girls, I would continue to dodge the question until you give your notice.

Post # 11
1580 posts
Bumble bee

This happened to me (although the CEO definitely was not involved), and I’m also an engineer. Everyone knew that I was in an LDR. My boss always asked me when my bf was moving down here. He would also say “if there’s anything I can do to help get him a job down here, let me know.” I would just always answer, “I don’t know…” and smile and move on. I doubt he’s actually expecting you to answer the questions, and you definitely don’t have to answer. All of these questions came for many months.

When I got a new job and gave my boss my notice and told him I’d be moving he said, “I was expecting this sooner or later.” and he thanked me for the contributions I had made to the company while I was there. My boss was totally great about it, and never held back on giving me opportunities to grow within the company, even though he knew there was a chance I’d be leaving. Any smart boss would act the same in order to get the most out of you for the time you are there. That’s what they’re paying you for, and it’s in your contract that you can leave whenever you want, you just have to give two weeks notice (or whatever is in your contract).

So basically defltect the questions, don’t actually answer them, be nice, keep doing your job and working hard, but don’t feel bad for quitting eventually. Everyone has to move on at some point.

Post # 13
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

In most places, like my state – California, a person can be fired “without cause,” however that doesn’t give employers free reign to do or say whatever they like. “Without cause” doesn’t mean that you can fire someone just because they’re a woman, or because they complained about something, or because you’re worried they’ll quit — that is illegal. Even your bosses questions border on the lines of what is and what is inappropriate work conduct.

I would suggest you just talk to your boss and say that his questions about your personal life are making you uncomfortable since you, yourself, aren’t sure when you’re getting married or what your future holds. And if he asks again after that then just ignore his comments and brush them off. You do not have to lie, nor do you have ANY obligation to tell him anything about your personal life.

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